Kol.
I was staring at the pale ocean water as it lay stagnant in the windless air. I have been laying here for a while now, pondering what my life would be like with someone to love. All of the touching and the feeling of my lips brushing against hers. Of course, I haven't been interested or even come to think of this until recently, it's almost embarrassing to admit.
I tend to spend my free time swiping my feet off the banks of the ocean as I stare into the reflection of my eyes like I may get to see my future. I have hope for myself although lots of people call me the geek, nerd, or even dork. They don’t tend to bother me though. I am freaking 19 and I have never dated a single soul. I guess maybe that's why I come here when I feel dejected.
A breeze slaps me in the side of my face and my ugly hazel brown bangs flop into my eyes. I whip them away in time to see what seems to be a bright orb getting brighter as if coming closer to the surface. I can't tear my eyes away from this odd brightness but it is a sea green which makes it even more fascinating.
I am finally able to come back from oblivion when my friend Oliver starts calling me. My phone is blaring and I am digging inside my bag in hopes of not missing the call. When I jab my finger onto the fluorescent green button I hear Oliver's musky voice as if he has been screaming. I know something is wrong but he just tells me not to bother asking. My eyes betray me and I take a glance back at where the mysterious orb once was. As to my advantage, this thing is still there although it is getting dimmer as if afraid I will see it.
"Hey bro! Can I call you back in a sec?” I whisper into the mic.
"Sure dude, just thought I would check in on you”, Oliver responded. It scared me half to death because my income volume was on max. I quickly muted my phone and then set it down. My eyes never leave the glowing sphere.
As if I don't have control over myself, I have no realization over the fact that the bottom half of my body is soaked and my arms are starting to shake.
Alina.
The tips of my auburn curls break the surface of the water. I can feel a sharp pain in my lungs as I breathe from how fast I was swimming. I need to get out of the water quickly. There is something about being a mermaid that when you try to get out of the water your lungs have to acclimate to the oxygen absorption. It can be a pain at times, especially when you see a boy climbing into the black depths of the water this late at night.
As I dive back into the water, I glance into a pair of mossy green eyes. The same eyes that I’ve been spying on for quite some time now. It even seems that these eyes and even figure for that fact have become oddly familiar. His floppy hazel bangs seem to always get in his way and his athletically toned figure is always slouched. I can tell that he forgot about his surroundings with the way that he is struggling to get back onto the dock.
I lightly touch the souls of his feet as I raise him a few inches out of the water and onto the boards. He is breathing incredibly fast to where I start to worry about his health when he finally says “T-thanks”.
To my stupidity, I respond with, “huh?”
He looks at me with astonishment but I can hear a hint of question. I quickly dive back down into the depths of the ocean and make my way to the shore. As I move closer to the banks I can feel my transformation occurring. It is getting harder to breathe, and immensely harder to swim. I finally make it to the firm rocky surface and step foot on land.
“Woah!”, I gasp. “It sure has been a while since I’ve been here, on fo-”, there was no taking it back because the boy that I happened to just save heard every last word and to my convenience was standing right in front of me.
Kol.
In the past few seconds of this strange evening, I am staring into the eyes of a girl? I swear to goodness that I am hallucinating because I thought I just saw her come out of the depths of the ocean. No. That can’t be right. I press my index finger on my temple, close my eyes, and slightly shake my head. I feel the cool night air brushing against the side of my face. I look away from my feet and a few inches away stands another pair. I wasn’t fantasizing.
I feel like I should just turn around and go back home. Knowing that a girl and I don’t mean to be virtuous, but man is she beautiful. Crimson curls frame her round face while her eyes never leave mine. I feel myself heating up and I know for a fact that I am blushing. Embarrassed, I turn away.
“Sorry”, is all that I can muster.
“For what?” she asks genuinely. Her voice is soft and not harsh.
“Uh-”, I have no clue what to say. Instead, I blurt, “I’m Kol. I mean-”, I stutter, “My name is Kol.”
“Nice to meet you Kol” she responds. She hesitates but asks, “Are you okay?”
I look her in the eyes feeling my cheeks heat when I say, “Yeah. Thanks, I guess. I still don’t quite understand and I am afraid to ask”.
She chuckles and she twists her hair with her finger. “Well- it’s hard to explain but if you are wondering, yes. I helped you out of the water.” `I am in shock and clearly, she can read the expression on my face because she quickly adds, “I can explain everything if you would like but you have to believe me.”
I ponder this and contemplate what she means. I want to believe her but what I am getting myself into. This all feels paranormal and everything is a big loop repeating itself. I stop thinking and the first thing that I think about is how fast my heart is beating and how much I want to spend more time with her.
“Can we talk tomorrow night?” I ask.
“It’s a date,” she says under her voice and she hesitates when she adds, “if that’s okay with you”.
I can see a pink undertone on her cheeks and I feel a burst of excitement. “Of course! It’s a date”, I repeat.
Alina.
This feeling is odd. I am sitting on the dock with my feet in the water waiting for Kol to meet me here for a “date”. I wanna tell him everything but I am worried that he will judge me for who I am. I know that it is not normal to just meet a mermaid here and I don’t wanna act like a psychopath.
I watch as he is walking toward me. One foot after the other. I hear the creaking of each board and the splash of the water when he sits next to me. We sit in silence for a while and I focus on his breathing. It’s almost as calming as the water splashing onshore.
Kol breaks the silence by saying, “So… I still don’t know your name”. A large grin spreads across his face.
“Alina. My name is Alina.”
“It’s nice to see you again Alina. I almost thought that I would never see you again”, he states sincerely.
“Well- I am here now”, I smile and look at my reflection in the water. “Look out there, do you see that tree?” I ask him.
“Yeah, it’s beautiful!” he responds.
“I was once told a story about how a tree’s roots can hold many memories. It can weave them all together and even create everlasting memories”, I state.
He stares at the tree and then turns to me. He responds with a nod. I don’t think there could have been any better answer.
“Now, I think we had a date to get to”, he replies with a wink.
I smirk and then look him in his eyes. I explain to him my past and he is considerate of who I am. I listen to him and can’t stop looking him in his eyes. We sit on the dock with the slight breeze brushing through our hair. The creaking of the dock below us and Kol sitting beside me, our hands only 10 centimeters apart.
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6 comments
A good story which would improve with another draft. You tend to repeat phrases - depths of the ocean, etc. Which takes away from the charm of discovering tentative new emotions with another. As for 'where to work' I have some basic thoughts. What can you do? I mean that anyone would pay you for? Look honestly at your skill set, especially what is known as 'soft skills'. Those are social skills which cannot be taught, like listening, assisting, anticipating other's needs... What do you want to do? Look at job listings and if it sparks an i...
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Thank you so much for the feedback! These comments are the reason why I want to improve my writing skills. I truly appreciate the honesty and I have worked more on assessing some of your input into the story I just submitted. I am curious as to if I interpreted your input correctly. Could you read 'The Theif' and let me know what you think?
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YESSSS This is awesome. A little clunky in the beginning but it smoothes out near the end. Excellent work!
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I'm really sorry I'm so late coming to read your story, I had a lot of classes and very less time. Coming to your story, I felt like it was an interesting plot concept. However, it can be improved further. Maybe you should have hidden the fact that she is a mermaid till the very end, because I feel like by revealing that so early on, much of the suspense was lost. Maybe just have Kol's perspective so we can feel his wonder and surprise at finding out she's a mermaid. Also, you could use the 10 centimetres thing in the beginning of the story...
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Thank you so much! I have been working really hard on the plot concepts for multiple different stories I have been writing and this feedback has really helped me. I have actually been on writers block for the past month ._. but I will hopefully be submitting another story soon. Thanks again!
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No problem, glad I could help :)
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