The Witches' Help Group

“The night was up in flames. Hurricanes of crimson and amber whirled up and down the streets, evoking shouts and squeals of laughter from young trick-or-treaters as they tried to catch the leaves in their hands. The night was alive. Snarling jack-o-lanterns were peppered along porches and window panes, flicking their red flame tongues at passers-by. The bigger ones were stationed on the ground facing outward like menacing guardians of the night –”

“-BORING!” yawned Ursula; the Sea Witch, before noisily stretching her lilac arms upwards and then resting one on the edge of the tank she was floating in and the other against the side of her face. Her scarlet painted talons drummed against the tank as she shot a look of scorn through misty grey eyes at the speaker; the Wicked Witch of the West. The green, hook-nosed lady scowled as she clutched her piece of paper tightly. But just as she was about to retort, Rosina Leckermaul jumped in.

“Ursula, we spoke about this remember!” She chimed. “You can’t speak unless you’re holding Slimer…”. She sprayed a mouthful of crumbs as she waggled a decapitated gingerbread man at her.

“Stupid squid!” The Wicked Witch sneered, aggressively waving the plush green blob at Ursula.

“I’m half octopus you uneducated hag. Both are cephalopods, but they have different traits…And anyway this help group is what’s incomprehensibly stupid.” Ursula spat, looking around at the other witches for agreement. Some of them nodded whilst others ignored the comment. Unlike her, the rest of the witches were seated on blue primary school chairs. Among the company was the White Witch, Morgan le Fay, Maleficent, the Weird Sisters, the Wicked Witch of the West and Rosina Leckermaul. They were all facing each other in a circle, in the middle of the kids’ section of a library that was long past its closing time. It was the 31^st of October; the one day of the year that brought with it the annual meeting of the Witches Help Group; or the W.H.G.

Rosina chuckled. “Well you all know why we’re here! Do I have to remind you?” she asked in an overly joyful manner.

“Don’t patronise us, you fool.” boomed the White Witch. “We don’t need reminding that our kind has been subject to pertinacious persecution over the ages.” Without realising, she’d stood up and stared off into the distance.

“Here we go again..” muttered one of the Weird Sisters to the other two.

“Get ready for a speech..” agreed another.

“Those of us that survived the sinister game of cat and mouse live in cowardice and those that were slaughtered are branded as monsters. We are overpowered by a force that we could so easily crush!” she cried, clenching her fist, her knuckles as pale as the whites of her eyes. “We need to rise u-“

“-Now, now, Jadis –“

“I prefer ‘Your Majesty’ or ‘Your Highness’ as terms of address.” She interjected, repositioning her jagged ice crown.

Rosina smiled nervously. “Uh, yes… we’re all upset about that, but that’s why we’re here. To talk through our trauma; not our revenge, okay? Now what do we know about people who want revenge? Come on, all of you together now!”

All the witches glared at her with contempt, but Rosina looked unfazed, eagerly waiting for their unanimous answer. A series of eye rolls and sighs ensued before they all half heartedly grumbled out of time with each other. “Those who studieth revenge keep their own wounds green.”

Rosina’s eyes flashed with mirth, as she clapped her hands. “Exactly!”

Maleficent, who had been leaning back in her chair suddenly jerked forward and tapped her staff on the ground impatiently. “I wish to share my opinion!” she announced. Eyes shifted in her direction, but before she could say another word, Rosina pointed to the green plush in the Wicked Witch’s hand.

The Wicked Witch frowned. “But I haven’t finished sharing my story ye-“

“-No one cares, West.” Commented Morgan le Fay wearily, followed by peals of laughter from Ursula and a few snickers from the rest of the group.

Rosina, sensing tension, reached beneath her chair for a gavel covered in pumpkin and cauldron stickers, whacking it down several times. “Now, now, ladies. We’ve gone over this. This is a safe space where we all have mutual respect for each other.” She turned to the hook-nosed witch on her left, giving her an apologetic look. “Sorry, West. We’ll make sure to hear the rest of it before the session ends, okay? Now Maleficent, after taking Slimer, you may share your thoughts.”

Maleficent nodded and held out her hand expectantly, but the Wicked Witch made no move to give up the green toy. Getting impatient, the horned witch expertly pointed her staff towards the plush and in a second it was enveloped in a mint green glow and floated towards her. She clasped the toy in her hands and cleared her throat.

“Now, I wanted to say that I agree with the White Witch. We are endangered as a species and must do something about it. If that means killing a few measly humans then so be it.” She paused to gauge her audience’s response and seeing a few nods, felt confident enough to continue. “Call me what you like, but I just don’t see..well, the point in humans at all.” She finished with a surrendering gesture.

“Mmm, humans are afraid of anything they cannot control.” Agreed Morgan le Fay with a tone of disgust.

Rosina nodded. “But Morgana, don’t you think that their fear is well founded? Obviously their actions are deplorable, but… from listening to you all talk it is evident that you feel a sense of authority over the weak little things. It is painstakingly clear that we could never co-exist.”

“Well let’s crush’em before they get us, then!” Ursula protested, slamming her fist into the water, making a few droplets spray out of the tank. The Wicked Witch shrieked in terror as she slid her chair violently out of the droplets’ line of fire. “Oh stop being dramatic West!” she snarled, running her hands through her snowy white hair.

“Well I think violence leads only to a path of destruction.” Commented the Wicked Witch, eager to reclaim the spotlight. She held out her hand for the plush, but Maleficent threw it across to Morgan le Fay who squeezed it until its black beady eyes could have popped out.

“From my experience, humans care only for power and will sacrifice any sense of humanity to get it.” she growled through gritted teeth.

“Well lets be the better people then!” Rosina argued. “We can overcome their hatred through dignity and righteousness.”

“How can you say that?! You got chucked into an oven! You were literally burned alive!” Ursula cried incredulously. She received no response.

A silence fell over the group as cautious glances were made in Rosina’s direction. Her eyes were downcast and a shadow fell over her face. But Ursula didn’t stop there. “And you, West!” she pointed at the said witch. “You literally melted. You dissolved! Does that not stir up any vengeful emotions?!”

The Wicked Witch looked down and mumbled quietly. “Well…er-I got plastic surgery, so it turned out o-okay..”

“Could have done a better job on the nose!” one of the Weird Sisters commented.

“Zing!” cried another before all three burst out cackling.

“Aha! Now that is a good one!” declared Maleficent, letting out a hearty laugh.

“Well at least I-I’m not obese!” the Wicked Witch blurted, jabbing a finger at Ursula, who now became the centre of ridicule. The purple witch grew pink at the cheeks. “H-how DARE you! You better watch out you evil little hag; I’ve got enough water to pour on you so that no plastic surgeon can patch you back up. Not to mention how I can defeat all of you in one go!” She bellowed.

The White Witch laughed amusedly to herself. “No, no. I am the best. That is simply a fact. Do not compare yourself to me. I am a queen, and you are …a sea urchin.”

Ursula was about retort when Maleficent jumped in. “Oh drop the subpar acting queenie. We all know you’re not real royalty. You haven’t got a drop of blue blood in you.” She snorted.

“Uhm, no actually. I have subjects therefore I am queen. End of subject.” She declared officially.

Morgan le Fay scoffed, pushing a mass of dark curls away from her face. “Last time I checked, usurping the throne means you didn’t have any original claim to it in the first place.” But as she spoke, the White Witch put her fingers to her ears and closed her eyes.

“Not listening, not listening…” she sang.

Eventually, the whole room had erupted into shouts and arguments. The witches picked fights with each other over anything and everything. From the treachery of bargaining with humans at all and boasting of individual power to snarky comments on how they looked and the knock off red shoes the Wicked Witch was wearing. The occasional splash of water also made its way into the mix.

Amongst the shouting, Rosina sat on her blue plastic chair in silence. She sighed as she looked at the witches who had now gotten out of their seats and were squaring up to each other. “Well, I should have suspected this...too many strong personalities in one room I guess..” she muttered, being drowned out by the noise. She slowly picked up her sticker studded gavel and mustering as much strength as she could, banged it repeatedly until they came to a halt.

“Stop it RIGHT NOW!” she yelled at the top of her lungs, her voice laced with an uncharacteristic amount of anger. Everyone came to a halt and looked at her surprised, and slightly nervous. “Let go of each other.” She ordered in a scarily quiet tone. There was a shuffle of movement and the clustered mass separated. “Maleficent, I said let go.” Maleficent grudgingly let go of the chunk of Morgana’s hair she was pulling and averted her gaze to the floor.

Rosina stared at the group helplessly. “All I wanted was for us to heal together, not fight. There’s been enough conflict as it is where witches are concerned.” Her eyes bore into theirs as she made sure to give each one a reproachful look. “And look at you, you’re al-“ she stopped as her eyes trailed over to Ursula and saw a drowned, green plush at the bottom of her tank. “And how did Slimer get in there!?” she cried, before closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose.

“It was one of the Weird Sisters. I don’t know which though, they all look hideous to me.”

“Thank you, Ursula, but I asked for who did it, not a snarky remark.” Rosina sighed, staring at the floor with balled fists. “Look, I know humans are detestable and they make you so angry that you just want to eradicate them for good. Been there, done that. And look at where it got me; burned alive by two measly children. It’s humiliating…But I suppose the W.H.G was a way for me to get over my experience…” she looked up and gestured to them “…For all of us. But I can understand if you find it a waste of your time…” She trailed off, scanning for any trace of sympathy but was instead received by eight poker faces. Sighing, she turned around to pack up her things which consisted of an ‘on offer’ multipack of gingerbread men and her decorated gavel. But as she opened the door to leave, the sound of a chair scraping stopped her in her tracks. It was the Wicked Witch.

“No, Rosina, I think you’re right.” She admitted quietly in her nasally voice. “I think we’re all in need of some healing, don’t you think?”

The others stood with crossed arms and looked at her with contempt, but made no move to leave. After several moments of hesitance, Ursula sighed loudly. “Fine, I’ll stay…But ONLY for the gingerbread, I’m starving over here.” 

Morgana rolled her eyes and then slumped into a chair. “Yeah, and I’m only staying so I can talk bull about those stupid Pendragons.”

Rosina’s eyes welled a little as she rushed over to the others who were hesitantly moving back to their chairs. Maleficent mumbled something about being too tired to transform and the White Witch made it clear that she was only staying because her carriage was not yet due to pick her up. The Weird Sisters were the last to sit down, shuffling on the spot and deciding among themselves if it was worth staying.

“Oh, just sit down weirdoes we know you have nowhere better to be.” Ursula commented through a mouthful of crumbs.

Then, as soon as the three sisters shuffled to their chairs, much to Rosina’s delight, the W.H.G resumed. Whether they cared to admit it or not, the nine witches were bound by a common kinship; in a sisterhood that could not be broken. It was only with each other that their experiences could be shared and it was only with each other that they could be understood.

Rosina clapped her hands eagerly. “So, West, why don’t you continue sharing your story? How long did you say it was?”

“Thirty-three pages.” Said the green witch proudly.

A series of sighs and groans spread around the circle.

***

Rosina wrapped herself up in her candy cane printed blanket and shuffled to her window. She stared at the trick-or-treaters bustling about below. Little Frankenstein’s monsters walked around with mini table cloth ghosts, and there were even a few witches and pumpkins plodding about. ‘How adorable!’ she thought as she went to grab her bowl from the kitchen.

She flicked on the fan heater and smiled, her eyes falling on the framed picture on her wall. It was of the W.G.H, and unsurprisingly there were a lot of scowls and raised eyebrows, but it made her happy nonetheless as she tucked into her meal. “Now, which one should I have first?” she pondered aloud, dipping her hand excitedly into the bowl of chopped up human limbs.

“Well, thumbs are my favourite…” she giggled as she popped one into her mouth.