The Voices Inside My Head...

Written in response to: Set your story in a labyrinth that holds a secret.... view prompt

221 comments

Fantasy Teens & Young Adult

The voices in my head are telling me something…


I am in a labyrinth.


All the cries in my head were telling me something extremely different. My head didn’t have the mechanisms to reflect or linger, it just jumped to a resolution because it saw the world at face value and searched no deeper than it should. The fog in my head augmented as my head made transitions by spinning around incessantly. I was in a labyrinth…


How did I get here?


Had I been here before?


Of course, I got no convincing answer.


I surveyed my neighbours; it was just like my normal life with cars and houses; my environment did not vary from anything else I had seen before; like my normal life. My eyes kept cruising to catch something. Suddenly I realized a light at the end of this channel; it was a trail heading up to something colossal.


Was this a figment of my imagination?


My Meemaw told me that actions and words are divergent; no not like the book. Words make up the world that we wish to live in, they create Utopia and actions generate the Utopia to come alive and my brain didn’t have the thinking capacity to establish its own Utopia nor the techniques to do so; so, it just went with the flow and questioned nothing; until now. 


I have been in many worlds before jungle, moon, rainforest, and considerably more than I can even remember. I feel like my intellect is playing tricks on me and I cannot stop this utter absurdity.


The walls of this labyrinth make me feel confined making me claustrophobic, even little noises echoed in the ambiance, that making up of my shivering and breathing and the built-up of condensation in my glasses causes my vision to be warped and the wisp of white on my glasses makes me lose my sense of direction; but I can still see the light at the end of this tunnel as it will be my guide through this labyrinth. 


In the reflection of a window, I looked at myself distorted, panicked, and I ran my palm over the brick wall to touch something absolute. This wasn’t a phantom. This was reality. I thought that the sun should set already; I had stayed here for so long pondering and waiting; however, the neighbouring light seemed so luminant as the noon beat down upon my head.


I noticed that there was something peculiar about this tunnel as I walked towards it, as it looked familiar and overly memorable. Each crack and crevice of the homes looked well known. It was like wandering along the same trail; the familiarity startled me, but I just carried on walking forward.


I lumbered to the centre of an insignificant town; it was derelict, like my brain. I heard the taunting voices telling me I wasn’t suitable for society; meaning I didn’t have a normal brain persuading me to go to therapy, and I genuinely tried not to take any of that to heart, but it didn’t work. The word sin rang in my ear; that is what I was: a curse. I know for a fact that it is hard for me to be alive. Nothing was real to me anymore. My world was becoming a virtual reality, and I hoped that all the medical operations make me normal again.

Normal is an unachievable fantasy.


Every step I took in this tunnel brought me closer to my destiny. It drew me closer to the light in the distance, getting closer by the second, and it made me want to run towards it. Every step I drew, the light ebbed away, its luminescence burned out, causing it to dwindle and fade. How had I stumbled into this labyrinth? 


My feet chilled before the air and ground became so cold, the sky emptied itself as the last raindrop and cloud passed away; there was nothing to look up to. It was all gone. My mind was disorientated. Nothing was going right; nothing was guiding me anymore because of the light withering in the distance. Even it didn’t appreciate me. The voices in my head were howling; it was sheer turmoil. None of this was intriguing, and I had never felt this overwhelmed by my senses. This was becoming unbearable. So, I ran through the labyrinth; my distorted vision caused me to slip over my very own feet but my voices continued to shout at each other. It was all so messed up.


I didn’t know how to differentiate between virtual and reality? 

Was I hallucinating?


Everything seemed to beckon me to come towards it; it was signalling my name and luring me towards my fate. I didn’t want any of this. I didn’t want my life, my friends, my intellect. Nothing. The mere request I had from God was to make my suffering go away; I demanded to be alone; as I preferred it that way, but evidently it doesn’t matter what I prefer, but what society prefers. My doctors wanted me to have a social life and adequate friends to cope with my condition, but I don’t and that doesn’t matter.


I recognized a familiar building, and I realized; this was my destination, making it my entire world. My inner navigation was wrong. I didn’t want to be here or anywhere near it, but it was the end of the labyrinth. It was a complete circle.


What was the point of my journey?


Summoning me in front, the hospital stood proudly; with its doors wide open and the nurses staring intently at me to come inside quickly before I collapse again. Though the hospital has been my home for the last month, it has always felt alien to me. Every inch of the building was a habitation of torture; they did experiments and operations on my brain to discover its capacity and willpower. I was a guinea pig being tested on; reluctantly. As expected, I had no say in this because ostensibly it was good for me.


Yes, it was good that schizophrenia had taken over my existence.

Everything in this world was a secret; because I understood none of it and the labyrinth has taken me to my ultimate resting place.


The labyrinth was all an uncontrollable hallucination.







December 11, 2021 16:12

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221 comments

Phoenix Osborne
01:06 Dec 15, 2021

🍫 Hi, Palak! I read your bio, and.... YOU LIKE HARRY POTTER?!?! SAME HERE!! ONE OF MY FAVORITES!! And your in Ravenclaw! Amazing house, I'm in Slytherin, but ALMOST RAVENCLAW. My favorite character is Dumbledore. Wow. BTW, I'm following you! -Phoenix Osborne

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Palak Shah
15:33 Dec 15, 2021

I love Harry Potter. I like Dumbledore as well, he is often forgotten but he is a great character. Thanks, I am also following you yay :))

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Phoenix Osborne
13:14 Dec 16, 2021

How on earth is Dumbledore forgotten?? HE IS SUCH A GOOD CHARACTER😭😭😭😭

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Palak Shah
17:00 Dec 16, 2021

I don't know, but some people dislike him because he did Harry wrong :))

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Phoenix Osborne
20:37 Dec 16, 2021

HOW DARE THEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

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Palak Shah
17:19 Dec 17, 2021

Ikr :)) Anyway, what do you think about Snape?

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Phoenix Osborne
00:42 Dec 15, 2021

I like it!! It is a very good story. Very descriptive. (Note of constructive criticism: I would add more dialogue, but it's totally up to you!! It still is a good story and I like it.)

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Palak Shah
15:31 Dec 15, 2021

Thank you for the comment Phoenix, I think I should add more dialogue :))

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Phoenix Osborne
21:49 Dec 15, 2021

No problem!!

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12:21 Dec 14, 2021

I really enjoyed the suspense (you really have that nailed), only thing is maybe you should try to break up the sentences a little more bite sized. I noticed you like to use long, descriptive words, so its very important you don't make your sentences too overwhelming you know? Overall, I really enjoy reading your stuff!

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Palak Shah
16:50 Dec 14, 2021

Thank you for that feedback, I really appreciate it and next time I will make sure to control my sentence structure. Thanks for the read :))

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04:03 Dec 14, 2021

In the first paragraph, it seems to be in two tenses, not sure if this was on purpose. Are/were. Am/Was. Head is used twice in one sentence, it feels strange. Should be "I have no convincing answer" A few commas missing. (no, not the book) I like the theme, but its a difficult read. Besides what I mentioned above, I would take a look at sentence length. Is there a way you can shorten it and convey the same thing you want to say? There is lots of potential here, but it needs some structure work. I would recommend joining a place like criti...

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Palak Shah
16:48 Dec 14, 2021

Thank you so much Jaden for your comment, I really appreciate the feedback and the constructive criticism and I will look at critquecircle.com as I know it will definitely help my writing :))

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22:44 Dec 14, 2021

My user name on Critique circle is Jadenstate, if you join, go ahead and add me. I can do more extensive reviews for you.

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Palak Shah
15:30 Dec 15, 2021

Thank you Jaden :))

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REALLY sorry for the late feedback, haha. I've been kind of busy. But, this story was REALLY mysterious (in a good way, you get me?) And the vocab, ah, the vocab *french kiss* The vocab was hella good ma'am (or sir) I think you're trying to point out the fact to stop animal testing, which, I agree fully on. Animals shouldn't be tested on. Noice story sir! (Or ma'am.) 🍫

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Palak Shah
16:53 Dec 14, 2021

Thank you Blixxi, this story wasn't about animal testing but about a mental illness :))) Thanks for reading my bio lol :))

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Ahh k, I just saw the line "I'm a hamster being tested." So I thought 'hmm, maybe this IS about animal testing.' Yep, np, I don't have anything else ta do lol

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Palak Shah
15:33 Dec 15, 2021

Nah its just a comparison and I was reading about it so I just included it :))

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Ooh, nice comparison buddy!

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Palak Shah
17:21 Dec 17, 2021

Thanks :)) How are you?

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Pratik Bhandari
15:00 Dec 13, 2021

Superb

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Palak Shah
16:53 Dec 13, 2021

Thanks :))

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08:11 Dec 13, 2021

Hey! Kao here :) I liked your story due to the element of mystery and intrigue - we never really saw the whole picture! Very interesting and a beautiful read! Well done, keep it up :D! Kao

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Palak Shah
17:00 Dec 13, 2021

Thank you Kao for this amazing feedback :))

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Francis Daisy
02:32 Dec 13, 2021

Mental illness isn't an easy topic to talk about, and you tackled it with grace. I had a few favorite lines: I lumbered to the centre of an insignificant town; it was derelict, like my brain. Normal is an unachievable fantasy. ...but I don’t and that doesn’t matter. Well written story! Thank you for asking me to read!

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Palak Shah
17:04 Dec 13, 2021

Thank you for this amazing feedback Francis I really appreciate it :))

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Francis Daisy
01:58 Dec 13, 2021

🍿 Hello! Of course, I would love up voting! This would be fabulous if you would do this for me! Thank you!

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Palak Shah
21:19 Dec 13, 2021

Heyy how are you doing? Yes I will definitely upvote you

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Palak Shah
21:20 Dec 13, 2021

I have just done it. Could you please upvote me if possible? Thanks :))

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Francis Daisy
03:28 Dec 14, 2021

Certainly! I started up voting you a bit last night also. Let's keep this trend going! Thank you!

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Palak Shah
16:46 Dec 14, 2021

Thank you so much. Let me know when you need upvoting :))

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Francis Daisy
01:53 Dec 15, 2021

This may sound like a silly question, but what does upvoting do? Does it help increase the karma points?

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Unknown User
23:04 Dec 12, 2021

<removed by user>

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Palak Shah
21:22 Dec 13, 2021

Thank you Peachie for this amazing feedback :))

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Rob Ryter
18:09 Dec 12, 2021

Interesting take on the secret held by the labyrinth. Enjoyed the jarring reveal at the end.

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Palak Shah
21:26 Dec 13, 2021

Thank you Rob :))

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Michael Regan
16:42 Dec 12, 2021

An interesting journey into madness. I liked the idea of the light at the end of the tunnel fading as the character got closer to it.

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Palak Shah
16:57 Dec 12, 2021

Thank you so much Micheal :))

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Graham Kinross
15:00 Dec 12, 2021

It might be just a symptom of madness but “ I am in a labyrinth. All the cries in my head were telling me something extremely different” is changing from present tense to past tense which is jarring. It’s easy to do by accident. If it’s on purpose then leave it but if not you can edit it. “ The walls of this labyrinth make me feel confined in such a narrow territory” if you’ve already said you’re confined then I don’t think you need to say in such a narrow territory. It’s already said by confined. This felt like the tv show Legion. Also a ...

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Palak Shah
15:49 Dec 12, 2021

Thank you so much for this amazing feedback and yes I will edit my tense; thanks for pointing that out :))

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14:33 Dec 12, 2021

Amazing story Palak. I loved reading it.

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Palak Shah
14:34 Dec 12, 2021

Thank you :))

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Boutat Driss
14:21 Dec 12, 2021

Incredible my dear Palak. I can't imagine who someone can have that kind of wide imagination. well done! I love it

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Boutat Driss
14:19 Dec 12, 2021

Incredible my dear Palak. I can't imagine who someone can have that kind of wide imagination. well done! I love it.

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Palak Shah
14:22 Dec 12, 2021

Thank you Boutat, I really appreciate it. Please let me know when you post another story as I would love to read it :))

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Palak Shah
13:59 Dec 12, 2021

Side note: a Meemaw is an affectionate term for a Grandmother and this is a reference from the Big Band Theory on Netflix.

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Zelda C. Thorne
07:58 Dec 12, 2021

Cool idea! You showed the character's confusion very well. I was like where are they? A street with cars and buildings? A brick wall? A random pathway? A tunnel? And you managed to make it clear enough that this lack of clarity was deliberate, which is important for stories like this. Well done! P. S. I knew what a meemaw was due to my love of the big bang theory ❤️, but unless you've seen that (or live in southern USA) you probably wouldn't get the reference.

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Palak Shah
13:58 Dec 12, 2021

Thank you for this amazing feedback. I really appreciate it :)) Yes, I have been watching Young Sheldon on Netflix and I just put her in. It has caused some confusion but I have made a side note in my comments so hopefully, that will help. I need to watch the Big Band theory so that is where I will go next lol :))

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Zelda C. Thorne
17:16 Dec 12, 2021

Omg you're in for a treat!

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Palak Shah
21:26 Dec 13, 2021

I know, I am sooooo excited :))

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Akshara P
07:04 Dec 12, 2021

Hello Palak, this was a great story. It really sucked me in and I loved the concept, creative and well written. Wonderful piece of writing. :) also, side note, what is a Meemaw?

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Palak Shah
13:55 Dec 12, 2021

Thank you, Akshara :)) A Meemaw is a grandmother kind of figure, I have been watching Young Sheldon on Netflix and she is quite a prominent character so I just decided to put her into my story lol :))

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Daniel R. Hayes
02:53 Dec 12, 2021

Hi Palak, this was a great story. It really sucked me in and I loved the concept, so creative and well written. Great job :)

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Palak Shah
13:54 Dec 12, 2021

Thank you Daniel :))

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