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Fantasy Urban Fantasy Teens & Young Adult

The sun shone dimly in the sky, clouds varying shades of pink and orange hues, as the dusk began. It was scenes like these that made humans stop and gaze in awe at the seemingly limitless beauty of Mother Nature. How the skies above painted a different picture with every cloud that passed by, it never failed to make them look up from their screens and their mundane lives, and appreciate that they were part of something bigger. Of course, none of them knew they were pawns for beings far greater, more divine than they could fathom, and it was that irony that made it all the more sweeter. By nightfall, they would all be tucked in their beds, dreaming of things most of them would never reach.

She waited in the twilight of the ocean floors, watching the surface light darken with the passing minutes. Soon enough, the sandy ground above would be deserted, free of any people who would just be a nuisance to get rid of. By all means, if the moment were to arise, she was ready to wipe their feeble minds, although a quick slash of their jugular would be a swift death for them, but their crimson coloured blood would stain the sand. She could clean it up, she supposed, bring a small wave to wash it away, but she promised no unnecessary killing. What a pathetic oath she was forced to take; mind wiping would have to do. The sky was black now, the stars awake and the painting of dusk gone, allowing night to rise. It was time. 

On the dry beach above, any spectators would see the unnatural movement of the ocean. Maybe they would assume it was a freak natural disaster, their science using the full moon in the horizon as the explanation. However, no one could doubt its elegance. The large wave rose out of a slow tide, splitting into two and unearthing the seabed floor underneath. Schools of small fish and other invertebrates that lived amongst the seaweed and red coral reefs within the shallow waters, could be seen in the curtains of the wave, as a woman came out from beneath the water. Her hands splayed to the sides, holding the ocean above her, were tinged blue, each fingertip bright in colour. Her feet were bare of any shoes, the iridescence of thick oil floating near the surface of the sea staining her toes; those humans polluting the planet they inherited out of sheer luck, until they successfully poisoned the oceans and killed the land, they would never learn. By then, it would be too late. Around her ankles you could see the anklets of gold seashells and pearls, skin luminous and glowing silver in the moonlight, as if it was made of the stars that dotted the night skies above. Her beauty ethereal, with eyes of emerald green, the same colour of phosphorescent algae that glowed underneath the ocean surrounding her, and black hair so dark it looked blue flowed in two braids down her back, the ends wet, curling at the tip. With the moon so high up, the blue veins under her skin stuck out, the lack of red blood apparent. As she walked slowly up the beach, her dress shone in shades of teal and sapphire blue, pearls adorning her breasts, one leg escaping the fabric through a large slit near her left thigh. 

She liked showing her skin, this mortal form was perfect after all, why not display it in rich silks? At least when her enemies died, they got to glance at her divinity first. How blessed must those damned be. She released her grip on the sea, and the water splashed down, back into the soft pull and push of the moon. 

There were no stragglers tonight and she had the sea to herself for now. She could rest, until it was time to rain blood on those who threatened her home. The oil on her feet was proof enough that they could no longer sit back and let these stupid mortals poison their habitat anymore. Good intentions and the hubris of man had led mankind on a path of destruction, their quest for peace led them to make weapons of war on a world they didn’t even know existed. No longer would she sit idle, it was time for them to realise their enemy and fear their power, as they once did eons ago, for this was a war they would never win. 

Memories of sunken ships and her lost family came back. She sat down on the soft sand below and allowed herself a moment of grief. Her sisters’ laugh echoed in her ears, the conch shells they would collect on the bottom of the ocean floor, their screams as they scratched at their silver skin, the rough rope digging hard enough to draw blue blood. Sirens were not immortal, although they did live centuries; it was that day she realised the fragility of life, but especially human life. The rage that ensued within her broken heart was enough to sink the ship, her song their death sentences. The promise of not killing every man that she would encounter to her mother was a hard one for her heart to bear. She wanted the sweet taste of revenge, to hear them beg for their life, to numb her grief if only a little. However, in her mind she knew that no amount of blood spilt would bring her sisters back. Her fingertips were evidence enough that if she was not careful, she would turn into her own worst nightmare, and yet she still could not let it go. She was here now, watching the stars in the sky above shine and die slow deaths. She needed to find the person responsible and make them drown in their own puddle of scarlet blood; like her sisters drowned in their own.

To them she was a myth. A legend told to children to frighten them in the night, so fearful they wouldn't dare to leave their beds in darkness. The tall tales told in her name, harrowing journeys of heroes that rose against her for she killed men with her song, and left women with broken hearts; although all villains are heroes in their own stories. 

March 06, 2021 04:19

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3 comments

Elizabeth Inkim
21:12 Mar 07, 2021

You know other than the first sentence being clunky, it was very good. That first paragraph took a real turn there. The take on a villain's story was quite interesting, although I think if you had put more backstory or character voice in the beginning we could connect more and sympathize with the character. Also, I know that I am terribly guilty of writing really long sentences, but you've got quite a few back to back long sentences that make it hard to read; so maybe watch that and try to break them up. Overall, it was a great story concep...

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Nuha E.
01:55 Mar 11, 2021

That first sentence was a pain honestly. It was one of those times where the words were difficult to piece together and everything sounded wrong, so I totally agree with it being clunky. Have you got any ideas as to how to put more character voice in the beginning? I find when writing in third person it’s harder to do well. I’m glad you like it, I recently read Six of Crows again and fell in love with villains all over again! Who doesn’t love a good villain?!

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Elizabeth Inkim
02:15 Mar 11, 2021

For character voice, I think specificity is everything. Where that's "she hated the rain, it always ignited a rage within her", "her dock martins squeaked against the linoleum", "gently prying open the cabinets", or "lounging in the noontime sun she continued the minutes until she could strike the match and burn the city down". For me, specified opinions, clothing choices, and actions are everything, especially if they're unusual. My favourite opening lines are either setting based or specified character opinion, just cause I think it sets t...

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