Super Villains Are Just Evil Dumb People

Basic boy looked up as he noticed his basic boy signal light up in the distance. He sighed. What was it now? He guessed it was probably Evil Man getting himself into some kind of trouble. Oh, why did the mayor keeping letting him free from prison? To keep Basic boy busy? As if he wasn’t busy enough with his actual job. Being a superhero was fun and all, but it did not pay well. The mayor liked to say that the praise was more than enough payment, but Basic boy begged to differ.

         He couldn’t eat praise or wear it, so it was pretty much useless. Even still he put on his too tight super suit and walked out of his door. Everyone expected superheroes to have cool lair, but he lived in a cheap apartment instead. That was real life for you.

         But at least he could fly, the most basic superpower for the most basic superhero. Despite his flying ability, he still took ten minutes to get to Evil Man’s ‘secret’ lair, and old abandoned building with his Evil Man logo on the outside.

         He rolled his eyes and walked through the door. He knew what was going to happen next. He was going to fight some of Evil Man’s henchmen, and he would win. And so he did, he fought several of the ‘trained’ henchman, who were really random people who needed money and were promised money by Evil Man, even though he had no intention of paying them.

         Once he had subdued all of the men, Basic boy turned and walked to the door where he knew Evil Man would be waiting for him. He realized that he could just go in another way. He could change up their ever-familiar tactic and do something different this time. He could, but for some reason he did not.

         Evil Man stood waiting for him just as Basic boy had predicted, but what else would you expect? It was not like they changed their tactic. It was always the same, a comfortingly strange thing. Evil Man looked, well how could one describe him, he really just looked like every other super villain. “I’ve been waiting for you, Basic boy.”

         Basic boy rolled his eyes and pretended to be surprised. “Oh, really and what are you planning to do this time?”

         Evil Man smiled, well, evilly. “This.” He pressed a button and instantly the power, not only in his lair, but in the whole town turned off.

         Even though it was obvious, Basic boy asked, “What did you do?”

         Evil Man laughed. “I turned off the power in the entire town. Now the power of the whole town is at my mercy.”

         Basic boy rolled his eyes again and sighed, his patience running out. “And why did you do this?” He needed to keep Evil Man talking so he could inch forward and try to get to that button. He could only hope that the button would turn the power back on just as it had turned the power off.

         Evil Man talked; just as basic boy had hoped he would. “Well, you see since I was a little boy, I have always felt so powerless. People used to push me around and bully me because I was smaller. But now, now I have the power, quite literally.”

         Basic boy raised a brow and inched closer. “So, you’re saying, you turned off the power because you wanted to show those bullies that you have power now.”

         Evil Man said, “Yep. I know have the power over them. And I won’t give it up and no one, not even you, can stop me.”

         Basic boy knew he was supposed to offer a retort about how he would not get away with this or something like that, but Basic boy was still stuck on something. “So, you are smart enough to figure out how to turn off the power to the entire town and certainly smart enough to do a whole lot more and yet you waste that on bullies from school?” He remembered that he was supposed to be moving and began inching forward again.

         Evil Man blustered for a moment. “Well, I-I… I know what I am doing. Ok, Basic boy, now stop talking.”

         Basic boy paused and listened. Just a few more steps and he would be there. He kept talking. “You know, I never pegged you to be dumb with all the many inventions and weapons you made. But seeing you now, I realize that you are probably the dumbest person I have ever met. You could have gotten rid of the bullies and me for that matter, but instead you waste our time on a button that turns the power off.”

         Evil Man pressed the button again and the power returned. “You are wrong, Basic boy. I am not dumb. I am the smartest man and I have the most pow-”

         Basic boy stepped forward and punched him square in the face. He watched as Evil Man crumpled to the floor in a heap. He sighed. “Supervillains are really dumb.”

         Basic boy grabbed the front of Evil Man’s shirt and yanked him up. And then he flew out of the building. He flew him straight into the jail cell, knowing that he would be let out by the mayor again and sighed.

         Even though he was only twenty-four, he thought about retiring. From being a superhero, but if he retired the town would have no one to save them. But perhaps, if he retired, Evil Man would retire as well and they all could live in peace.

         He flew home, ignoring the people who waved and him and called out. After a few moments, he was back in his apartment. His apartment with its crumbling walls, and squeaky bed, and stained carpets. But at least he had peace and quiet.

         He thought back to that power outage and Evil Man. For such a smart inventor, Evil Man was dumb. He could be selling his inventions or at least getting better at his villainy. But super villains were just evil dumb people. But considering that Basic boy went along with their typical routine he might truly be the dumbest one of all.