Nighttime wonders

Waking up from a fitful sleep, I readjust the pillow that had fallen between the seats. The armrest digs into my side and is surely going to create a bruise. The remnants of a headache grips at my temples as my brain fights off the fog. I’ve never really been able to sleep on aeroplanes, much to my dismay. When you have been travelling for more than 24 hours one would hope that their body would give in. I don’t seem to be one of those lucky ones it seems.

It’s eerily quiet in the cabin. It seems so peaceful compared to the daytime hours where everyone is doing their own thing and the air hostesses are going about their business. Looking around now, I see everyone else dreaming heavily. There are not many people on this flight, there are enough open rows that everyone can have one to themselves. I finish my scan of the dimmed area and sigh, laying my head back I begin to wonder. I wonder about all that has happened recently and all that will occur once my journey is done. Everything begins to get tossed around in my head and my anxiety begins to rise. This is not good.

Searching for something tangible to focus my mind on, I spot the window right next to me. I like getting window seats on long journeys such as this one. It gives me a sense of space, that I’m not being cramped up in a tin can with strangers flying over the vast waters of the Earth. Quite counterproductive if I think of it but it works for me. As the nighttime protocols call for, the window shade is drawn, but something is drawing me to lift it. Maybe it’s my anxiety, maybe it’s my curious mind or more possibly; it could be a combination of both. I secretly scan to see if anyone is paying attention to me and when all I find are the peaceful snores of the others, I slowly raise the shade to halfway.

My breath gets caught in my throat, my eyes grow wide and my brain slows down. What a magnificent sight to behold. I have seen beauty on this planet before but to see the majestic creation in front of my eyes...I’m speechless. The night sky is staring into my soul. The enchantment of the unknown has captured my being. The stars are shining brighter than I have ever seen and the colours mix to create the backdrop for the most bewitching of magics known to the universe.

A tingling sensation starts to run through my body. The thought of teleportation comes to mind though I’m still in the same position. It’s as if I can see my own body drifting through the sky. I lean in closer to determine if what I’m seeing is real. Peaking out through the clouds is my reflection. Surely this can’t be happening, I must be dreaming. Maybe I did fall asleep this time. I pinch the skin on my arm to double-check that I am not losing my mind but everything seems to stay the same. The truth is, I see clearer now.

This reflection gazes into my solar plexus and a jolt runs through my nervous system. I feel lighter than I’ve ever felt before. I can’t explain this feeling, words are incomprehensible to me at this moment. My shadow makes its way to the window right by my physical being. They lay their hand on the glass and I’m compelled to match it with my own. In a dream-like state, my hand seems to move on its own. The sensuality that gathers in my breathing space almost makes one think of being suffocated. However, that’s not the word to use for this encounter. I feel free, freer than I have felt for the longest of time.

I peek a glance over at the reflection to see if it somehow felt an ounce of what I felt but it’s not there anymore. I frantically look through the window as far as the eye can see, scanning for this fantasy of myself that has disappeared from me. Coming to terms with the fact that my likeness ceases to exist, I bring my attention back to the scenery. The thought of this shadow still plagues my mind and I wonder if it is disappointment that flows through me. A few minutes go by - or what I thought were a few minutes - and a realisation hits me. It’s not the feeling of disappointment but rather the feeling of contentment. A thought enters my brain that what I thought was my reflection, was my true identity that got lost along the way.

Swiftly, all the worry and fears that clogged my brain disappear. They seem so small and inconsequential compared to what has happened through this window. Nothing can compete with the abundance of true life that is out there. We need not stress ourselves out with things that are out of our control. So the question that comes to mind is why do we? I’m not the person to provide insight into this topic. If anything, I’m guilty of constantly trying to control everything and everyone. Sometimes it appears to be more of a subconscious action than a conscious one.

Although I don’t have the answer to that specific question, I can tell you this: reaching out through this aeroplane window right now has shown me that there is something so much greater out there than us. I don’t know if my experience has allowed me to find it but it has given me something far more valuable. My eyes have been opened and my heart has been mended. My instincts are telling me that we all should lead our lives through our true beings for it is only then that we genuinely begin to live. One can only hope to see a slither and begin to understand the makings of the phenomenon floating around in the atmosphere.

With the sense of gratitude and peace washing over me; I leave the shade up to the nighttime wonders, finally close my eyes for the much-needed rest my body and my mind crave.