The Thief's Guide to Thiefdom

Rule #1 from the Thief’s Guide to Thiefdom

Never steal more than you need. The world is filled with sycophants who prey upon the weak and the helpless. The thief does not steal to hurt or oppress; a true thief partakes in the art of thievery to make their life slightly better than it once was.

---

Niko surveyed the building before her. She had followed the directions precisely and found the secluded place as instructed. She had climbed the Edrea mountains to discover that one of its peaks had collapsed into itself to reveal a hidden basin unknown to the world.

To her surprise, it was exactly like she'd read in the book she’d "found."

"Borrowed."

Okay, she’d stolen it.

In the center of the basin stretched a plateau, and in the center of that plateau sat a solitary mansion. After climbing the mountain and then scaling the plateau, her legs shook from exhaustion, and her arms ached. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d put so much effort into a job. It was a long way from pickpocketing and hoarding whatever spare change she could scrounge together to make ends meet.

As she’d drawn closer to the mansion, she’d discovered that unassailable walls enclosed it. Currently, she was hiding behind a rather large rock so she wouldn’t be found by the guards protecting the place. She had scouted the area for a few hours, and the guards had barely moved an inch. She doubted that they would ever leave an opening for her to sneak through.

Niko unclipped the book from her belt and took a deep breath as she braced herself. She looked at the book, titled The Thief’s Guide to Thiefdom. It was wrapped in worn leather and was so worn that the black lettering of the title had nearly faded away. Underneath the title was the image of a cloaked figure sitting on top of a pile of gold coins. He wore a hood that shielded his eyes, but it failed to hide his Cheshire grin.

This is crazy, she thought as she flipped open the book. Why am I trusting a random book that I stole from some merchant? There’s not a damn thing worth stealing in there for all I know.

She turned to the page with a detailed drawing of the mansion. She’d used the map on the previous page to guide her here and had decided that she would continue to trust it until she found the hidden treasure indicated within.

She flipped through the book until she reached the page she wanted, titled A Thief Is Never Afraid to Get Their Hands Dirty!

The guard who was watching from the top of the wall diverted his attention, and she made her way to a long-abandoned toolshed. As she pulled on the door, it splintered apart and fell to the ground. She cringed and peered around the side of the shed. Luckily, it didn’t seem like they had heard the noise.

The tools within were well-aged and thoroughly rusted. The place hadn’t been used in decades, so she didn’t have to worry about any roaming guards coming to the area. There was nothing of value in the shed itself, but she made her way to the far-right corner of the building, dropped to her knees, brushed aside the years of dust and grime from the oaken floor, and found a hidden latch.

She lifted the latch, scattering the remaining dust, to reveal a passage leading deep underground. The scent of stale air wafted about, and she frowned. She hated going underground, hated being out of the warm embrace of the sun’s light. This was odd considering her profession, as thieving always went better during the night, away from the prying eyes of do-gooders.

She had traveled way too far now to turn back. People were depending on her, and if that meant trusting some mystery book, she would gladly do so.

---

Rule #2 from the Thief’s Guide to Thiefdom

A thief cannot live off of coin alone. It’s beyond mundane to spend one’s day stealing to survive. Life is not meant for surviving. Life is meant for living. A thief lives for the thrill of the heist and the adventure that it might bring.

---

As Niko crawled into the secret passage, it seemed more like a long-forgotten grave. In an ideal world, it would be filled with buried treasure, but instead, it was infested with spiderwebs. She pulled her hood over her head, as she didn’t want to spend hours picking through her hair to remove the webs and dead spiders that were sure to get in it.

The book had illustrations with vivid details of her surroundings, but they had been drawn before time had taken away the passage’s splendor. She didn’t know why the book existed, but as she’d read it, she’d determined that it was more like a journal than an actual guide of thievery. The book outlined ordeals, tragedy, and the grand adventures of the author.

When Niko reached the end of the passageway, she found a thoroughly rotted ladder leading to another hatch that would guide her into the mansion. As she climbed, it groaned loudly, and she was sure that it would have given way if she’d weighed a few extra pounds.

She carefully lifted the door, just enough to scan the area. She breathed easily as she found herself in a pantry completely devoid of guards. After climbing out of her hole, she took in her surroundings. The pantry was well stocked with food. In one corner was a freezer with familiar runes carved into the rim of its door. These runes were meant to keep the contents cool. In another corner sat casks of wine and whiskey that dated back centuries.

Niko grabbed a wine glass from a shelf and found a vintage she knew she could never afford. She poured herself a glass, downed it in a single gulp—and immediately emptied her water pouch to make room for the wine.

---

Rule #3 from the Thief’s Guide to Thiefdom

A thief does not maim or kill for pleasure. These acts make a thief no better than a mere thug. A thug is nothing but a bruiser who uses his muscles more than his brain. An assassin is nothing but a blade that the wealthy use to cut down their enemies for their own gain. A human being who purposely kills when they could have shown mercy is nothing but a monster that deserves to be put down.

---

The mansion was a treasure trove.

The pantry led into the kitchen, consisting of thirteen stoves engraved with fire elemental runes. The runes allowed the flames to burn nonstop as long as they remained unscarred and the proper personnel supplied the necessary amount of mana to ignite the fire. The flames burned clean and produced no smoke. This made the stoves ten times more valuable than the common wood stoves in most houses.

Niko spied a rack of chef’s knives and considered stealing one. They held more of an edge than any of her own which made the consideration short-lived, as, a moment later, she snuck a knife into her pack.

From the kitchen, her path led her into the dining room. She stood there, flummoxed, as she considered ending her heist and returning home with the silverware. The plates were engraved with gold, and the cutlery lived up to their name, as they were made of pure silver. She would have made a pretty penny off the stuff, but each had a coat of arms on them. This would make them easy to trace, and if there were an investigation, it would only be a matter of time until a particular dashing young thief was traced to the theft.

She slowly traversed the corridors to the target location, using the book as a guide. The guards wore heavy armor that clattered heavily as they crossed the hallways, like warning bells that alerted Niko to hide in a side room or the shadows until they passed by.

Down the hallway stood two grandiose doors engraved with the image of a grand tree with aged branches scarred by winter. The branches reached out and touched what seemed to be fantastical realms, but she could see only the faint outlines from where she stood. It didn’t help that two lunkheads stood guard, obscuring her vision. They stood in steadfast attention without a single movement. Their armor matched the other guards of the estate. The armor looked rather heavy, which would give her the advantage in a chase. Each guard held a spear that nearly glistened with murderous intent as the light reflected off their blades. Lastly, Niko was certain that she saw a housefly land on one of their noses, and the guy didn’t even twitch.

These guards were the real deal.

Niko moved her hand to the pouch strapped to her left thigh and dug out two hedgehound needles. She grabbed a single bronze coin from the pouch on the opposite leg. Hiding in a room to the side, which she’d staked out previously to ensure that there were no other guards, she cracked open the door and flipped the coin into the hallway. It clattered loudly, instantly alerting the guards. Without hesitation, the guardsmen quickly raced down the hallway to examine the source of the noise, exposing their backs to Niko.

She pounced from her hiding place, aiming for the exposed joints of the armor behind the knees. The only thing the guards felt, she imagined, was the slight pricks of pain as the hedgehound needles dug into their flesh. Then the needles’ paralytic properties quickly flowed into their veins, and they fell unconscious.

With a grunt, she hefted the two men to the side room where she’d hid previously and moseyed onward to the door that held her prize.

---

Rule #4 from the Thief’s Guide to Thiefdom

Complicity leads to complacency. The most dangerous time for a heist is when victory is within grasp. We are all born with a foot already in the grave. It's best not to give fate a helping hand.

---

Niko walked into the room and closed the doors gently behind her. Light flickered across the floor and walls as a mighty flame raged in the fireplace. In front of the fireplace sat a man in a cushioned chair who seemed like he couldn’t have cared less about a thief managing to sneak into his mansion. From where she stood, she could smell the wine as he cradled a glass in his right hand. A line of drool dripped down his chin. He wasn’t someone who would be waking up anytime soon, but it didn’t mean that she could take her time.

Using the book as a reference, she made her way over to the drunk’s bookcase. The illustration indicated that there would be a false book on the shelf. She imagined that it would reveal a secret room to the treasure area if she pulled it. However, to her complete and utter shock, the book was missing.

It was the first time the book had failed to provide an answer.

Could they have changed the location of the book that hides the mechanism? Niko wondered, close to panicking. If this book had belonged to a thief who had successfully robbed the place, it would make sense for the mansion owners to change their security or even move the vault altogether.

Working with haste, Niko searched the bookcase until her hand found a slight imprint etched into the wood. She traced her hands along its grooves and determined that she needed to place the correct book in the space to activate what she hoped to be a switch.

For the next five minutes, Niko desperately set different books onto the fitting to trigger the switch. Sadly, none of them fit the grooves properly, and the door to the vault remained closed.

It was over.

Niko had traveled all this way with nothing to show for it. She had to make a run for it soon. Whether it was due to someone finding the unconscious bodies of the guards or the drunk regaining consciousness, someone would find her eventually.

A desperate thought raced through her mind. She unclasped The Thief’s Guide to Thiefdom and placed it on the shelf. It fit perfectly, and she heard a light click from behind the bookshelf.

With an eerie silence, the bookshelf slid to the side. Niko gaped in utter bewilderment at what lay behind it.

There was no gold.

There were no jeweled crowns.

Hell, there wasn’t even a single bronze coin lying on the floor.

A raven-black cloak hung on the back wall of the room. The cloak was open, displaying dozens of stitched pockets. Some of the pockets held pristine throwing knives without a single scratch on them. Niko walked forward and traced a set of matching black leather gloves with her finger. The material was tough enough to stop a blade but light enough not to impede movement. On the wall to her side, Niko spied tools to aid a thief in any heist. This included rope, grappling hooks, acid to burn through locks…and gods, were those bombs?

“The book fit,” Niko muttered under her breath. “The only reason for the book to fit in the imprint would be….”

Loud clapping echoed behind her. She turned in a frenzy to see the drunk man staring at her with a hungry grin. “Finally got there, did you?”

“You planted that book so I would steal it,” Niko said to the man, who still grinned at her maliciously.

“Yes, and no,” he said. “It was for any thief to find, but I wanted the thief who had the wit to stand here before me. Today that thief is you.”

“Why?” Niko sputtered. Her eyes searched for a way out, but her only exit was through this man. “Why would you want me to rob you?”

“I wanted to see if you could,” the man said pointedly. “There will be plenty of time to go over specifics. Until then, let me show you something that will answer some of your questions.”

The man walked over to Niko and grabbed a small vial of acid from the shelf. He motioned Niko out of the vault and took The Thief’s Guide to Thiefdom from the bookcase. The vault sealed behind them again. The man cracked open the vial, poured a few drops on the cover, and handed her the book.

Niko looked at the cover as the acid soaked into the leather, revealing a new addition: The Thief’s Guide to Thiefdom by Alphonse Delacroix.

Niko looked up from the book, and the man bowed to her said proudly, “Niko Legrand! You’ve earned the right to be the inheritor of my legacy. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Alphonse Delacroix, thief extraordinaire. I’ve been waiting for a long time for someone with your talents. Now allow me to give you the prize you came all this way to steal.”

Niko opened her mouth to ask what the hell was going on, but Alphonse Delacroix answered before she could even ask.

“Congratulations! You are the one who will pick up my mantle and rob this world blind.” He looked up at her with a Cheshire grin. “You and I are going to have some fun.”