Mother

      Many think Mother Nature is a kind, beautiful, omnipotent goddess. And yes, while she is beautiful and an omnipotent goddess, she is anything but kind. “I hate everything equally,” she so often says. But humanity often codes her as being kind and more motherlike than she actually is.

           So when the woman in question found a community of humans living in her woods and praising her, she wasn’t as pleased as the humans in question would think. “They’re idiots,” she told her husband, “running around, building homes, having kids? I hate humans why do they think I would bless smaller, more annoying humans!”

           Mother Nature and her husband, Father Nature, were resting in a more secluded part of the forest. Where the trees seemed to double in population and little light got through to the plants beneath their leaves. Father Nature was lying down while his wife leaned onto his moose torso and ran her hands through his hair.

           “Your head is a rat’s nest…” she muttered. Pulling out literal rats from her husband’s head.

           The centaur-like creature took the rats from her hands and pet them as she continued to groom him. He was never all that interested in the fate of mankind, and mankind was never all that interested in his existence either.

           “Humans are nasty,” she continued, “they shit, they fuck, they give birth. And they can’t even do that alone! They need other women to help them! How hard is it to push out a child?”

           Her husband rolled his shoulders and let the rats run free into the woods. He didn’t say a word. He never says anything, she noted. He turned his head and stared at her with those beautiful golden eyes. Beautiful golden eyes that were being SUPER judgmental at the moment.

           “Shut up! Who are you to judge? I was the one who birthed our stupid kids!” she argued.

           The memories of her children’s birth were one of the three things in this world that made her shiver. The day she birthed Life and Death she felt her omnipotence slip away. Slip away into the hands of her children who, like her, viewed the world with the same nihilistic eyes. I’m glad I never have to see their faces again.

           “Besides, I did it alone. In the open no less!” she boasted, “human women want ‘shelter’. Bah. Shelter smelter!”

           Her husband looked back to the dim world ahead, his eyes seemingly glowing in the dark. Without a sound, he stood up and towered her, being eight and a half feet tall. He held out a hand to his wife, and without knowing quite why, she took it.

           “Alright, alright, I’ll stop with the human nonsense. So, what now?”

           With a single swift motion, he picked up his wife and cradled her in his arms. For a moment she looked so fragile… at least before she reached up and pinched her husband’s nose shut. The beast let out a huff, and a powerful gust of wind shook the trees.

           “You’re cute when you almost destroy things,” she flirts.

           But her husband was not impressed and began trekking through the woods. To the normal human eye, they moved faster than their eyes could even comprehend. But to the parents of nature, they were moving at a relatively normal pace.

           “Where are we going? Waterfall? Pet cemetery? Or… a human cemetery!” She guessed.

           Mother Nature had her hopes up, until she smelled it. The all too familiar smell of human. And it wasn’t just one or two, not even a few. But hundreds. In a flash she pinched her husbands nose closed once again and he huffed. His eyes wide when he realized what he had just done.

           In the distance, the community of humans were going about their day. Chopping wood, looking after the crops, taking care of the animals and the old and the young. A normal day for the lovers of Mother Nature. At least, until a giant gust of wind came out of nowhere and ripped up half their village.

           People were torn from their friends and family, wooden fencing plucked from the ground, a cow fell over! In the most extreme case, a few rooves caved in. Regardless, the village was halfway gone, and its people shaken. What was that? Was something trying to kill them?

           Everyone simultaneously turned to their leader, a man in his thirties who only wore what the people in the village sowed together. “Fear not my family,” said the man, “Mother Nature is simply telling us to be more prepared! We have been meaning to get to those rooves for a while and look what happened! We were punished for our laziness!”

           The parents of nature observed close by in animal disguises. Mother Nature was a doe while Father Nature was now full moose. “Humans are so stupid,” she grumbled.

           Father Nature made no sound, instead wandering around as if he were a normal moose. Mother Nature followed him, but she was still annoyed.

           “If I wanted to tell them anything I would make a whole show out of it! They want me? Well, they’re going to get me! Make them realize that I’m a bitch to be reckoned with! Are you even listening?”

           Her husband stopped to eat some plant that was on the ground. Mother Nature didn’t know what it was, she may be the source of all life, but she couldn’t tell you the first thing about plants. She was about to bitch at him some more when a pair of hands gripped her deer form and lifted her up causing her to disguise to disappear.

           She looked behind her to see… her husband? “Oh, you son of a bitch,” she growled, “you knew the entire time didn’t you! Think you’re so smart, watching me bitch at a normal moose.”

           Father Nature smiled, his teeth resembling mostly that of a herbivore than a carnivore. So why did he have such a wolfish grin?

           “Just take me home before I kill these humans. They’ve embarrassed me enough for a thousand mortal lifetimes…”