10 comments

Thriller

Sorry if this was short, I didn't really have time to write it so I did it last minute. Hope you enjoy my first story!




I canโ€™t hear.ย 

I canโ€™t see.ย 

I canโ€™t breathe.ย 

I am suffocating in this darkness.ย 

I donโ€™t even know how I got here. All I can remember is the bright blue sky slowly turning into an evil midnight black as soft voices whispered to my ear. Blue and red lights were flashing around me just before everything suddenly turned black.ย 


โ€œWhere am I?โ€ I questioned, looking around my surroundings. Lava was pouring from dark red cliffs as a raging river of crimson blood was mouldering from the top of a grey rocky cliff like a waterfall. For a moment, I thought that I was going to choke from the foul odour that felt like thousands of decayed animals.ย  What was that place?


โ€œOh! Hello sinner!โ€ A devilish voice sounded as a dark silhouette emerged from the shadows. At first glance, he looked like a normal man but at a close glance, he had red spiral horns and long black arms that looked more like tentacles. Starting to shake with fear, I could feel my heart in my mouth.ย 

โ€œW-w-who are y-you and w-where am I? W-why-y di-d you call me a s-s-sinner?โ€ I stuttered, getting onto my feet and trying to hold my head high.ย 

โ€œWell, I am Elijah,ย  the devil of hell,โ€ he replied, smirking at me, which revealed his sharp, bloody teeth โ€œYou must be Olivia!โ€

โ€œWhy am I here?โ€ I whimpered, lowering my head to avoid looking at the devilish creature.ย ย 

โ€œWell, you are a sinner so you are in hell. Since I am in such a good mood, I will give you 2 choices. You can serve your sentence in hell or you can be my servant and become the grim reaper,โ€ roared Elijah, with his voice echoing in my ears.

โ€œWhat is my sentence in hell?โ€ I dared to ask, still shaking.ย 

โ€œIt is the worst punishment; the 9th stage. To go to the 9th stage, you must have committed such a horrible crime. I canโ€™t tell you what it is like but I can show you.โ€ The devil sneered, as his eyes turned red.ย 


Suddenly, the only thing I could see was darkness. I couldnโ€™t breathe. I couldnโ€™t see. I was all alone and scared to death. As the loneliness started to suffocate me, I couldnโ€™t feel anything anymore. My legs were completely numb and I was unable to move my arms.ย 


With the darkness slowly being illuminated by a faded speck of dim light, Elijah reappeared right in front of my eyes.ย 


โ€œSo, would you like to stay there for eternity or would you help me and become the grim reaper?โ€ he questioned, coming closer and closer

โ€œAlright, I will be the Grim Reaper,โ€ I sighed, stepping back. I was like a helpless mouse cornered by a hungry cat.

โ€œAlright. Olivia, a sinner is marked with a big red โ€˜Xโ€™ on their chest. You have to kill one of those every day or you will serve your sentence in the 9th stage.โ€ the devil boomed, not even waiting for a response.ย 


Just then,ย  my eyelids felt heavier than ever as my eyes slowly closed. When I opened my eyes, a warm and calming light shone on my face as graceful birds flew over me, chirping melodiously.ย 

โ€œI have never seen such a pretty sky!โ€ I mumbled to myself, wondering where I was. It felt like I had been to that place before, though I was sure that was the first time I was there. Getting back on my feet, I sighed heavily, wondering how I will kill one sinner each day. Slowly, I paced around the streets of an unknown place, staring in awe at every tall building. While I ambled around, I could feel many pairs of eyes staring at me in confusion. I didnโ€™t blame them as I wore a black cloak. Not many people wear black cloaks while gawking at everything. The city had many dark alleyways that led to who knows what. In the blink of an eye, an innocent-looking man appeared out of the alleyway.ย 

โ€œWell hello young lady. You seem lost, would you like some help or directions?โ€ he asked, brushing his hair out of his face. He seemed quite innocent other than the fact that he had a big, fat, red โ€˜Xโ€™ on his chest.ย  He was tall and heavily built-up. He was dressed in black from top to toe. More interestingly, he was wearing a black coat that was up to his knees. He treated me with some lunch, a drink and even brought me to the arcade. He was really nice to me. In fact, he was too nice. Why would someone be so nice to a person he has just met? Something seemed shady not only because of his overfriendliness but also becauseย  he still hadnโ€™t introduced himself. Who was that man? Later on in the day, the man brought me into the alleyway where I first met him. As we walked deep into the alleyway, I realized a smirk growing on his face, which made me panic since he looked like the devil.ย 

Suddenly, the man stopped abruptly and sighed, โ€œI am deeply sorry young woman but you may not see another day.โ€ย 

โ€œWhat do you mean?โ€ I questioned, trying to stop my voice from shaking.ย 

โ€œWow!โ€ the man sarcastically laughed. โ€œYou really are clueless! I want to see the life drain out of your eyes!โ€ he continued, with his evil smirk widening even more on his face.


Dumbstruck, I frantically tried to find a way out, only to realise that the man was blocking the only way out with his huge body. As he pulled out his gun, I felt a wave of rage flooding my heart..ย 

โ€œHow dare he use me for his own amusement!โ€ I thundered in my head. Anger gushed around me like a roaring, raging river as a deadly, glinting scythe appeared in my hands. I could feel the fear coming from the man though he didnโ€™t plead for his life. The shocked expression on his face turned into pure fear as I raised my weapon. Without a second thought, I sliced the man in half while his crimson blood splashed on the walls.ย 


In the blink of an eye, I returned to hell.ย 

โ€œGreat job Olivia! You are doing quite well considering that you are new,โ€ Elijah cackled, applauding mockingly.

โ€œWhy am I here again?โ€ I asked, looking around my surroundings.ย 

โ€œAfter you kill a sinner, you return to hell for a while for me to heal you but it seems that you are unharmed. You are free to go now,โ€ the devil replied.ย 

โ€œBut when I am in hell, what happens in the world above?โ€ I questioned, confused.

โ€œTime stops when you go to hell. Also, when you return to the world above, you have one minute before time starts running again.โ€ Elijah explained quickly, not wanting me to ask him any more questions.ย 


After returning to Earth, I escaped from the scene of the crime and headed to the streets with blood pumping into my head.ย 

โ€œKilling that man in the alleyway was very enjoyable,โ€ I thought to myself. The ultimate satisfaction that arose in me told that I should do it again. I canโ€™t remember who I was and how my life was when I was a human. However,ย  now, I have every reason to keep on doing what I enjoy because now, I am the one who kills the sinners.

January 09, 2021 00:43

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

10 comments

wonderful first story the imagery was really good๐Ÿค i loved reading :)

Reply

Show 1 reply
22:35 Jan 09, 2021

Ooh, great first submission! Your imagery is amazing and the story itself is intriguing. Awesome!

Reply

Show 1 reply
Mila Van Niekerk
11:58 Apr 24, 2021

This is actually really good! I love the idea, just: I think you should use ''smell'' instead of ''felt'' in this sentence : ''For a moment, I thought that I was going to choke from the foul odour that felt like thousands of decayed animals.'' But other than that, I really enjoyed this story, and I'd actually like to read more of it.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Mira Caplan
14:30 Jan 12, 2021

This was a great first story!!! The imagery was spectacular, and I can't wait for Part 2!!!

Reply

Show 1 reply
Reedsy | Default โ€” Editors with Marker | 2024-05

Bring your publishing dreams to life

The world's best editors, designers, and marketers are on Reedsy. Come meet them.