Kay: Ayyyyyy happy Samhain witchessssss
June: Happy Samhain!!
Ali: yoooo lets get itttttt
Kay: What time yall comin over?
Kay: Ive got like… so many soul cakes in the oven right now
Kay: Just waiting to be eaten
Ali: currants or raisins
June: I still have to cleanse my tools and finish my alter. I don’t think I’ll be too much longer!
Kay: Sick! You still bringing the moon water?
Kay: Also Ali, your bringing your tarot cards, right?
Ali: im in the middle of the dead dinner so ill be over whenever thats done
Ali: and yes madame forgetful ill bring my deck
June: I’ve got the moon water! I was a little worried I’d forget too, we don’t get a full moon on Samhain very often.
Kay: Im not forgetful!
Kay: Things just
Kay: Disappear on me?
June: Well please don’t disappear my quartz again, that stuff is really hard to ethically source.
Kay: … I will replace your quartz that I forgot I had
Kay: Wait Ali youre having a dumb dinner right now?
Ali: way to change the subject kay real smooth
Ali: but yes
Ali: p sure the ancestors would prefer “dead” over “dumb” tho
Ali: “dumb” is pretty rude
Kay: Have you EVER had a dumb dinner before????
Ali: shit yeah every dinner at my parents house is dumb
Ali: see its rude
Kay: ALI IT MEANS SILENT
Kay: INCAPABLE OF SPEAKING
Ali: im not entirely sure what ur point is kay
Ali: in fact ur only supporting my “dumb” is rude theory
June: Ali, you’re not supposed to talk at all during a Dumb Dinner! I think that’s why Kay is freaking out- you’re probably offending your ancestors right now.
Ali: im literally not talking are yall high or smth
Kay: YOURE TEXTING
Kay: T A L K I N G
Kay: TO US
Kay: RIGHT NOW
Ali: ok but like in what world is texting talking
Ali: my mouth aint movin n the whole house is silent
Ali: cept for casper but he cant help it hes a dog n there r squirrels outside
June: You know, that’s a good point. I don’t know if the Dumb Dinner doesn’t allow texting. It doesn’t allow talking or phone calls, but I don’t know if anyone’s ever set a modern rule on it.
Kay: I feel like Im gonna bust a blood vessel in my forehead
Kay: Like, yeah, ok, youre not PHYSICALLY using your vocal chords to text
Kay: But ALSO
Kay: Imagine youre some ghost right
Kay: You decide to grace your great-great-great-great-great grandaughters table tonight
Kay: She made you some kickass food and you were a 12th century peasant so youre pumped as hell
Kay: And you sit down to eat some of this rich ass fatty food and visit your forever-great grandaughter
Kay: And then that bitch sits there TEXTING ALL NIGHT
Kay: THOSE GHOSTS TRAVEL CENTURIES FOR YOUR ASS
Kay: AND YOURE TEXTIN
Ali: u sound like my mom when my aunt n uncle fly up from texas
Kay: The AFTERLIFE is a LITTLE further than TEXAS ALI
June: Yeah, I think Kay’s right on this one Ali. It’s the…. Spirit…. Of the thing.
Ali: i will stop textin if u promise not to make any awful puns again june
June: Ouch. :P
Kay: I will take personal responsibility for any terrible puns June makes while youre busy Ali. Just text us when youre done!! Say hi to your ancestors for us
Ali: alright fine text u witches in a bit
June: Oh hey, Kay, I just finished up my altar and packed my tools. I’m about to pack up the moon water and a certain someone is giving me the eye.
Kay: I really don’t need to know about you and Sams lovelife June lmao
June: Not Sam! Sam’s not even over right now, geeze. I meant Beelzebub.
Kay: Where are you going with this June
June: Well, he’s looking at me with those big eyes, like, “Mommy don’t go!” and I feel bad leaving him here. Do you think I could bring him with tonight?
June: …. That’s it? C’mon, he’ll be good, I swear, we won’t even notice him.
Kay: I have two questions.
Kay: Is he FIXED?
Kay: Have you bought him a LEASH?
June: I’ll have you know that he was fixed within a month of last Samhain!
Kay: A month too late
June: Come on, that was a long time ago! He’ll be good this time! I’ll keep a better eye on him!
Kay: Thats what we all agreed on last time but it doesn’t really matter how many eyes are on him when he’s a BLACK CAT in the DARK
Kay: I have also noticed your pointed aversion to the question of whether or not hes got a leash so Im going to assume the answer is no
Kay: which means, regardless of his lack of balls, Bubs is not invited tonight
Ali: omfg no no no
Ali: no bubs allowed
June: You’re all mean. :( Why don’t any of you like my cat? What’d he ever do to you?
June: Ali, go back to your dinner! No texting, remember?
Ali: the ancestors were reading the notifications over my shoulder
Ali: they gave me explicit instructions to text u to stop u from bringing ur asshole cat
Kay: Its not that none of us like Bubs, June
Kay: Its that every single time you bring him to a girls night out he ESCAPES
Kay: That damn cat slips out from under us every time
Kay: NORMALLY we find him
Kay: But last year was the sign. No more Bubs.
June: Last year wasn’t that bad! He showed up at your door first thing the next morning, Kay!
Kay: Yeah after BONING my NEIGHBORS cat
Kay: Did you know that insane woman went from door to door with a printed screenshot from her Ring doorbell?
June: Oh no. She got a picture of him?
Kay: She waited until AFTER the litter was born so she could look through the video to see if any strays walked by that looked like the kittens
Kay: And sure enough she found a picture of Bubs
Kay: I had to answer my door on a Saturday morning for this lady to shove two pieces of printer paper with pixelated pictures of the unexpected litter of kittens and Bubs walking down the street
Ali: thats what she gets for having an outdoor cat lmao
Ali: among other things
Kay: She had gone door-to-door ALL MORNING asking EVERYONE if the cat was familiar
Kay: Practically accusing anyone who owned a cat of knocking her precious Oreo up
Kay: And I had to keep a straight face while she ranted and raved
Kay: When she finished I told her I didnt own a cat
Kay: You know what she asked me?
Kay: She asked me if I WANTED ONE
Ali: PFFF HAHAHA
Ali: holy shit thats hilarious
Kay: So June to answer your question again
Kay: Bubs is NOT allowed into my home
Kay: Not unless he intends on going four houses down and paying child support for poor Oreo who now has to raise those devilspawn
June: Alright, alright. Point taken.
June: Just, y’know, for the record. He is fixed.
Ali: idk if u wanna push it june
Ali: imagine if that crazy lady caught sight of him
Ali: no amount of hexes could keep that woman away from the cat that defiled her poor innocent oreo
Kay: oh FUCK
June: ??? What’s wrong?
Ali: everything okay?????
June: Let us know what’s up as soon as you can!!
Ali: yeah ill finish up this dead dinner and get ready in case u need us
Kay: I got so worked up talking about Bubs
Kay: That I forgot to check on the soul cakes
Ali: oh noooooooooooooooo
June: Oh no!!!!! :(
Ali: please tell me theyre salvageable
Kay: [View Attached Image]
Kay: They are only salvageable if you like to eat hockey pucks in your spare time
June: Ughhhh no!!! I’m so sorry, Kay!! Do you have any of the ingredients left to make more?
Ali: bubs claims another victim
Ali: first he came for oreo
Ali: then he came for the soul cakes
Kay: I have the spices but Im out of raisins and eggs
June: Tell you what, I’m all packed up over here so I’ll head to the store and pick up what you need. Send me a list?
Kay: June youre an angel
June: No, silly, I’m a witch! :P And I’m going to have soul cakes on Samhain!
Ali: omg ill start cleaning up rn so i can head over
Ali: we can all do a lil kitchen magic before trick or treating starts
Kay: Yeah maybe our annual “Meet in Kays Lawn to Scare Children” Samhain ritual will have to be pushed back a little to make sure we are all properly soul-caked
Ali: anything for soul cakes
June: Okay, I’m packed up and in the car! Just send me a list and I’ll be over in half an hour tops!
Kay: Will do! Drive safe!
Ali: ill be over in like fifteen i just need to chop up this leftover chicken n rice for casper
Kay: …. That’s not the food that was on your ancestor’s plate, was it?
Ali: …. yes?
Kay: Ill be amazed if you dont end up cursed someday Ali
Ali: whats a witch without a good curse
Ali: alright all cleaned up on my way over
Kay: See you witches soon! Love you all.
Kay: Hey wait did anyone remember to bring incense? I kinda…. Forgot to buy some
Kay: Ill just look in my closet
Kay: Some kinda witch lol
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Is this like a group chat on a message board? Interesting idea.