The Most Epic Cookie

"This cookie means something," said KIRIN, gloved hands hovering over the table. His trembling fingers twinkled across the open bag of flour, softened butter, eggs, sugar, and baking soda. Chocolate chips spilled intricately from the tipped yellow jar, forming a small mound.

Kirin was a lanky fellow at 5' 10", with trailing locks of red hair, sun-baked skin, a tired, narrow face, and a small button nose. His worn-out eyes, hiding behind black-framed spectacles, were two colors: the right green, the left purple. He spoke with a low, trembling voice.

He stood with two other figures outside. It was a warm afternoon, the sun just barely at its highest point in the cloudless sky. There was a long wooden, rectangle table with heaps of ingredients sitting on it. There were small bowls, large bowls, a container of mixing utensils, and hand towels should the need arise for some cleanup.

"You hear this guy?" CAPUS mocked, "This means something?" Kirin's younger brother was exceptionally taller, at 6' 5". Brilliant blue hair trailed magnificently down his lower back. Capus was fit, with a body chiseled and molded by physical training. His face was a well-proportioned oval, with a nose like his brother's. Almond eyes, the right purple, the left red, stared playfully over at the gentleman to his left.

"Rah! Ha! Ha! This means something!" cried ROWIND. He was the tallest of the three, at almost 7'. He had dark, weather-worn skin, a square-shaped head, a broad nose, and purple hair cut close to the scalp. He had mischievous grey eyes and an ever wide smile, beset by full lips. 

Capus mimicked, playfully, "This means something!" He adjusted the side of his emerald tunic, making sure it remained immaculate and unwrinkled.

"Ha! This means something!" chorused Rowind. He wore a short vest on his bare, muscular torso, with large blue pants and high cuffed boots. 

They both erupted into full-blown laughter, doubling over, smacking each other on the back as they wiped their eyes and pointed.

Kirin frowned, "Well, i-it does. It will. Yes, that's what I mean to say. Meaning: it will have it. Will have it? Had? Hadn't? That, in some form or another." He was dressed in a black vest, striped tie, and some slacks, making careful consideration not to get any dust on his fingerless gloves.

Capus wiped his eyes, "Means something? Oh bro, you always say the funniest things."

"Rah ha! Weirdest things," Rowan smiled, "Always makes me laugh!"

"How is that even remotely funny?" asked Kirin, cracking an egg into a large bowl.

"How is it not?" Capus stifled another laugh, looking over at Rowind. "He said remote."

Rowind peered over at Capus, biting his lip to retain the humor, "Ha! Remote?"

Kirin carefully poured a thread of flour into a glass measuring cup, "What does that even mean?!"

"Look at him! Kirin, you get so flustered. It's hilarious!" said Capus.

"Rah! Ha! Hilarious, mate! Why are you so serious all the time? Relax, matey. Take in the breeze," said Rowind.

"Take in the breeze?" Capus broke into another bout of laughter.

"Okay, this is going to be big! Are you two even listening?" cried Kirin, folding the ingredients into a smooth paste.

"He's stomping like a little girl again!" cried Capus.

"Look? Look at his face!" cried Rowind.

Kirin narrowed his eyes, adjusting the spectacles and setting the bowl down, "Fine, fine. Get out. I'll handle this myself, thank you very much."

"Hey, hey," Capus wiped the humor from his eyes, taking a final breath in an attempt to gain some composure. "We're just having a bit of fun, is all, bro! No need for the long face."

"Rah! Ha! Yeah, just a bit of joshing, mate," Rowind lifted his hands in surrender, "Like always? A little bit of ha, ha since you're always so wound up. Smile! It's good for you, matey."

"I-I, no. I can make this myself..."

"Hey, hey, all right, we're here to help," said Capus, standing up straight. "You asked us here to help you out. That's what we're going to do. Right Rowind?"

"Ha! Of course! Let's do this, matey. Let's make history!"

"A cookie that will be just as magnificent as I am!" said Capus. "A cookie to end all cookies, so to speak."

Rowind smiled and knocked his knuckles against Capus's, "That was deep."

"I'm kind of a deep person, you know? Like, I have depth. Depths. Upon depths, that even depths have trouble... depthing."

"Ha! Depthing, I like that. I wish I was depthing."

"Right? Right!"

"Rah! Ha! Right!"

They bumped knuckles again.

"Okay," Kirin picked up the mixing bowl, "can you guys just start mixing a few bowls together?"

Capus grinned, "A few bowls?"

"Just grab a bowl. Yes, any bowl," said Kirin.

"Rah! Ha! Like this one?" asked Rowan, picking up a bowl closest to him.

Kirin huffed, "That's a cereal bowl."

"You said any bowl," said Capus.

"I meant-you know what I meant."

"But you said..."

"Mixing bowl!"

"Rah! Ha! Mixing bowl, aye-aye, mate," Rowind smiled and grabbed a large blue mixing bowl. 

"I'm going to beat these ingredients," cried Capus, spinning a whisk in his lithe fingertips.

Rowind lifted his bowl, "Rah! ha! Yeah, beat them! Beat them like they owe you some revels!"

The two of them swiftly knocked the ingredients into the bowl.

"Where's my money, huh?" Capus whipped the whisk into a frenzy, "That's right!"

"Rah! ha! Where's my money?!" Rowind threw the bowl above his head, still turning the spatula with a wild flick of his wrist. "Look, I'm beating it! Beating it so hard!"

"Yeah, beat it faster!"

"Rah! Ha! Faster?"

"Faster!"

"Ha! Faster-----!!!" Both of them screamed, hooping and hollering, mixing the ingredients in the air, hands flailing, bowls slipping into a violent spin, without ever losing a drop of dough.

They set their bowls down, panting, huffing. 

Capus wiped his brow, "And I'm spent."

Rowind chuckled, "Ha! Me too. Spent!"

Meanwhile, Kirin cradled his mixing bowl, gingerly moving the whisk in precise circles around the porcelain's edge, making sure to incorporate all the ingredients in one even flow. He scraped the sides, tapping lightly ever so often, careful to make sure no dust was left anywhere in the bowl.

They eventually had a table full of rounded dough balls, huddled in a large pile. Kirin cleared the dishes away so that only the dough remained. 

Rowind dusted his broad fingers together, wrinkling his nose enthusiastically, "Rah! Ha! Is it time, mates?"

"Oh yeah! I'm ready for this, bro," said Capus, sliding his feet in anticipation. 

Kirin took a deep breath and looked down at the table. "I-I, yes? Ready. Go ahead."

Rowind slammed his hand down and started hurling cookie dough into the air! He tossed them viciously until every bit of the dough rolled into the sky. Capus rushed up, leaped above his head, striking the balls with a flurry of punches until they formed into a large, dense clump. He tumbled gracefully to the floor.

Kirin hopped up next before the clump could hit the floor, attacking with open palms, slamming the airborne ball, forcing it to flatten and compact. He dropped to his knees.

Rowind lunged, continuing the assault, fists raining upwards into the dough. And when he fell, Capus dove up, and then Kirin, over and over again, in succession, never letting the uncooked cookie touch the ground.

Their fury beat the dough into a massive, flat circle. Then, with one final impact, the three shot upwards together, fists up, striking with one last mighty blow that knocked the cookie into a perfectly symmetrical disk, at least fifty feet in diameter. It spun in slow motion.

Kirin and Capus landed together, looking up in unison, throwing their palms to the sky. Fire lit Capus's palms, shooting up into the dough. Kirin sent off a flurry of electricity from his fingertips that sparkled through the cookie. Their energy ripped the morning sky, scorching the disk until it was a sizzling, golden brown. Then, all at once, the brothers lowered their hands. The steaming cookie rolled out of the sky, falling with a silent thud. 

The cookie landed on the table, a crispy brown mound of chocolate goodness, cooked to perfection.

"Rah! Ha! This does mean something," said Rowind, grinning triumphantly.

"It does?" Kirin smiled.

"Oh yeah, it does!" cried Capus, nodding at the two of them.

"Rah! Ha! Means we get to eat history," said Rowind, breaking off a piece and handing one to each of the brothers.

"Eat history. I like it!" said Capus, taking the broken piece in hand.

"Y-yeah, history." Kirin clutched the cookie, "I can agree with that, to some degree? I guess. Suppose? Suppose would be better."

Capus knocked his cookie against theirs in a toast fashion. "Gentlemen?"

Rowind saluted with his cookie, "Me mates?"

Kirin nodded, "Let's taste history."

Rowind shoved the whole piece into his mouth, chewing loudly and wildly, "Rah! Ha! Oh, history never tasted so delicious!"

"We did amazing," said Capus, taking a manageable mouthful. "Well, at least I was amazing."

"Rah! Ha! Oh, yes, we did good!"

"Thank you, guys." Kirin took a dainty bite, chewing quietly with his mouth closed. "This is good."

"Any time, bro." Capus wrapped his arms around his brother and gave him a firm hug.

"Always, matey. Always," said Rowind, patting him on the shoulder firmly. "Not sure if this is the biggest cookie ever made. But mateys? It is the most epic cookie ever to exist!"

Kirin took another small bite. "That's good enough for me. W-well enough? N-no, good enough works. Yes, I mean good enough."