A Series of Excerpts from the Journal of Yuki Griffin

22/03/1535

08:47 - The roses I planted last month are growing quite well, they should begin to bloom within the week. The magic array in the sunroom had to be tidied up, but that's usual. Not much has happened in the library quite yet, though that's bound to change as the day continues on. 

10:32 - A mother just entered with her child, she’s obviously a pureblooded angel, yet her son looks more like a vampire… maybe he's a hybrid like me? I could be mistaken. He’s adorable, though. He seems to enjoy the picture books about dragon history. I wonder what it would like to have kids of my own some day.

14:26 - A pureblooded vampire just entered, he appears to be a nobleman. His hair is quite pretty. The dark silver color shines brilliantly when the light hits it just right. He’s sitting in just the right spot for me to sneak glimpses of his profile without it being blatantly obvious that I’m staring at him. I wonder what it would be like to talk to him, just once.

17:18 - The vampire nobleman left. It's a pity, I wish I could've talked to him or at least gotten his name. Maybe next time? I'm unsure if he would return another day, but I’m willing to wait until his next visit.

25/03/1535

09:56 - The silver haired nobleman returned. I so desperately wish he sits in the same area once more. How I long to stare at that noble profile for hours on end. My heart yearns to run my fingers through those long silver locks… The library is fairly empty in the mornings, so I have more time to look at him over the top of my own book. I should finish reading it within the hour… however my desire to admire this man triumphs over my desire to finish this novel.

10:35 - I have not managed to finish my novel… However I have managed to examine every inch of the silver haired man’s profile and could probably sketch it entirely by memory at this point. I have absolutely no clue what has caused me to admire this man, but it matters not, for I have no connection to this man outside of his infrequent visits to my beloved library. If one asked me before this day who I would consider marrying, I would've answered with “my library”... however now I would most likely reply with “If I were a woman, I’d probably marry this silver haired man.” If only I were a woman.

17:59 - The silver haired nobleman approached me mere moments ago… I’ve learned his name is Histriol. I shall refer to him as such in my writings from hereon. His voice is deeper than I imagined… though I’m often incorrect in such assumptions. It was a pleasant surprise. He only approached to ask me where the earlier historical records were located, however I could listen to that voice for days on end… I’ve realized this has become more of a record of how much I admire this man than an hourly recollection of thoughts and events about my daily life… apologies.

30/03/1535

03:54 - I cannot sleep. I do not need sleep, however it's a much adored part of my daily schedule. Every time I close my eyes I see Histriol’s visage. Usually I would adore such a thing but my dreams after such a sight have become strange. I’ll consult my friends about it later. 

09:36 - My friends believe I may be… attracted… to this man? Histriol is a very obviously attractive man, even I could acknowledge such a thing. Anyone would feel captivated by such magnificent red eyes, or want to run their hands through such soft looking silver hair. I’m not strange for this. Anyone who thinks otherwise is strange. 

03/04/1535

05:32 - Apologies for not writing for 4 days straight. I’ve been hiding in my room for around 98 hours experiencing what humans may call a “mid-life crisis”... I have realized by reading my past entries that I am, in fact, immensely attracted to Histriol. It has made me unable to face him. I am afraid to leave my room on the highest level of my library in fear that I may run into him and make my feelings blatantly obvious. My employees and the regulars are worried for me, however I’m doing quite alright. I have not attempted or even considered ascending to Avohana before my time has come. I’m merely trying to wrap my head around the fact that I am attracted to men. It's not frowned upon here as it is in Omira, however I’ve grown up my entire life believing myself to be attracted to women. Now that I think of it, I don't believe I’ve ever thought of women this way. Even in my vision of the future I have never once had a woman by my side. Perhaps this was something I was always subconsciously aware of, yet never faced properly until I had someone blatantly say, in their exact words “Oh yeah. You're totally into him. No doubt about it, man.” It appears I’m fairly out of touch with my own feelings. I’ll be sure to get back to my usual updates soon.

27/01/1738

07:45 - The day has started fairly normally. Just as slow as usual. Histriol should be in soon. He requested I hold a book for him since it's fairly important to his current project. Being a general must be tough. Perhaps if I had been healthier as a child, I may have dreamed of becoming an esteemed general as he is, but alas, I was born a sickly child and could not have the same dreams as my peers. Being a librarian is a lot better than having to train daily for hours on end, however. I find reading a good book much more satisfying than physical exertion. Though I’m absolutely certain Histriol must look absolutely dashing while he trains. I can just imagine him shirtless, sweat dripping down his biceps as he swings that beautiful sword he always keeps on him. The image is so vivid in my mind I feel as if I could just touch it. It's a pity it's only my imagination. Oh what I would do to see that for real.

10:32 - Histriol has entered the library with a woman alongside him. He introduced her to me as his… fiancé… oh how I knew this day would come. After making his acquaintance oh so many years ago I knew he would never return my feelings, however I never prepared my heart for when he brought along a fiancé for me to meet. I hope my heart shattering to a million pieces didn't show on my face. I will still support him, however. I will not let my personal feelings interfere with his happiness. He asked me to attend the wedding as his best man. I said yes… oh how I torture my poor broken heart. I couldn't bear to reject my beloved, no matter how much he shreds my heart to pieces. I’ll attend the wedding then inform him I plan to travel. I’ve built a giant library on one of the most prominent floating islands in Acralas, I’ll live there from that day on. I must allow my heart to heal.

08/13/1744

06:12 - I have received a letter from Histriol. He and his wife have had a son. He requested I return to attend his first birthday party this evening. I didn't even know his wife was pregnant. I’m glad for him. I’ll be sure to bring a copy of one of my old favorite childhood stories for him. My heart still aches for Histriol, however he's happy and has a family of his own. No matter how much I yearn to feel his embrace, it will never be my place to request such a thing from him. 

13:45 - Seeing Histriol once more has shaken me. Oh how I long to caress those lovely silver locks. I so desire to press my lips against his… to feel his skin against my own… However I must push these feelings down. I must not express anything as to not give away my heart’s true desire. 

15:46 - He has asked me multiple times if I’m okay. I feel immense regret for having to show such a distant expression. However when he saw me slip up and smile as I handed over my gift, he seemed relieved and stopped asking. I know he’s not the overly caring sort, so my expression must've been so closed off he was concerned enough to ask about my well-being… Oh how I love this man. I would give him the world if he so desired it. Histriol, my beloved, for you, I would even bring down Avohana just to see even a glimpse of your smile. You bring me such joy, yet such sorrow. Even if I cannot have your heart in reality, I can still dream of a day where you return these immense feelings of mine, even just slightly.

13/09/1952

07:28 - This morning has become increasingly strange. I woke up and began my usual routine of caring for my garden and organizing my newest shipment of books when a strange woman claiming to be Masuyo, the goddess of life and death, appeared in my library. I'm quite suspicious but we’ll see how this goes.

18:34 - I’ve… become a god? Not what I had in mind when collecting all the books in the world but I'm not quite against it either. I’m currently in Avohana, setting up my “domain”. Of course it has to be a massive library. It’ll even include ancient texts lost to time. I’m quite exhilarated at the prospect of reading texts in languages lost to time. Oh how I wish Histriol were here.

31/13/3045

07:43 - Histriol sent me an urgent message to return to Acralas. I’ll update when I get there and figure out the situation.

15:58 - His wife has passed away. Oh how my heart hurts to see him suffering so. He’s not usually such an expressive man, but I can clearly see his despair. Oh how I long to comfort him as a lover, but that is not my place. It disgusts me how little regard my traitorous heart holds for his deceased beloved. For now I’ll comfort him properly as a friend. I’ll allow my distant facade to fall for one evening to properly care for my grieving friend. 

19:23 - He has fallen asleep leaning against me. I’m unsure of what I should do. Isaki…? Mizuki…? Soriel, maybe…? Could one of you let me know how to proceed in such a situation…? 

14/02/4072

13:57 - Histriol has… admitted to returning my feelings…? Is this real…? This has to be a dream. The Histriol I know could never truly love me in such a way. My heart must yearn for him so much I’m having auditory hallucinations. Perhaps this is another one of Fri’s cruel pranks. 

18:34 - It is not, in fact, a dream. I have… thoroughly confirmed such a thing. Oh how my heart soars. If I were not a god, I would've gladly allowed my soul to ascend to Avohana as I feel fulfilled. I hope to one day bring Histriol with me to visit my library in Avohana, though I would despair if he died, even if his soul returned to Avohana afterwards. Perhaps, one day, I may ask him if he’d like to become a minor god so we could spend eternity together. For if he rises to Avohana as a dead soul, he would one day have to reincarnate. If he becomes a minor god, he could remain himself for eternity alongside me. If he doesn't wish to become a minor god, then I’m prepared to let him go when the time comes. For now, I shall revel in this happiness he has given to me. I shall cherish his heart as he will my own. To an eternity together, my beloved Histriol. My heart is yours until you no longer wish to keep it.