Contest #289 shortlist ⭐️

15 comments

Horror Thriller

[PRIVATE CHAT – 2:13 AM]

Alex: Jay, something’s wrong. I checked my records, my ID, my photos, everything before two years ago is missing.

Jay: Alex… stop.

Alex: I’m serious. I don’t remember my childhood. I don’t remember where I was before we met.

Jay: That’s just your mind playing tricks on you. It happens.

Alex: It’s like I only started existing two years ago.

Jay: …That’s not possible.

Alex: Right? But then I searched my name.

Jay: And?

Alex: There was an obituary. Same name. Same age. Died two years ago.

Jay: That’s just a coincidence.

Alex: I found the old news articles. Lethal injection Jay. He was a bad guy.

Jay: Alex. Stop.

Alex: The weirdest part? The photos. It’s me, Jay. It’s my face.

Jay: …

Alex: Jay?

Jay: You weren’t supposed to find that.

Alex: What does that mean?

Jay: You made a deal.

Alex: What?

Jay: Go back to sleep.

Alex: No. What do you mean?

Jay: You don’t want the truth.

Alex: Who are you?

Jay: You already know.

Alex: What did you do to me?

Jay: Just go to sleep, Alex. We’ll talk when you wake up.

Alex: No. Tell me now.

Jay: …Goodnight, Alex.

[USER ‘Jay’ HAS LEFT THE CHAT.]

[PRIVATE CHAT – 9:42 AM]

Alex: Jay, answer me. What did you mean last night?

Jay: Morning, Alex. How are you feeling?

Alex: Don’t do that. Just tell me the truth.

Jay: You aren’t ready.

Alex: I’m ready now.

Jay: No, you’re panicking. Very different.

Alex: Wouldn’t you, if you found out you might be a dead criminal!?

Jay: You’re not dead.

Alex: Then why does that obituary have my face? Why can’t I remember anything before two years ago?

Jay: …Because that was the deal.

Alex: What deal?

Jay: Stop asking

Alex: What happens if I keep asking?

Jay: Then this version of you won’t exist anymore.

Alex: What? Wait. You said I’m not dead. But you didn’t say I wasn’t a criminal..

Alex: Jay?

Alex: Jay??

Alex: I’m calling you.

Jay: No, you’re not.

[CALL FAILED: USER ‘Jay’ UNAVAILABLE.]

Alex: ANSWER ME.

Alex: what are you talking about?

Alex: What did I agree to?

Alex: Jay?

Alex: Who was I?

Jay: I told you, Alex. You weren’t supposed to ask.

Jay: And now, it’s too late.

[USER ‘Jay’ HAS LEFT THE CHAT.]

[CONNECTION LOST.]

[PRIVATE CHAT – 11:56 AM]

Alex: Jay.

Alex: Come back.

Alex: Asshole

[MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND.]

[ERROR: USER ‘Jay’ DOES NOT EXIST.]

[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION – 12:03 PM]

Alex, your session has been inactive for too long. Please verify your identity.

[PROMPT: ENTER FULL NAME AND DATE OF BIRTH.]

[PRIVATE CHAT – 12:07 PM]

Alex: What the hell is happening?

Alex: My emails are gone. It’s all just… blank.

Alex: Jay, if you did something

Alex: You said I wasn’t supposed to ask questions. What the hell? 

Alex: Jay?

???: Jay is gone.

Alex: Who is this?

???: A better question is, who are you?

Alex: What?

???: You shouldn’t exist, Alex.

Alex: you’re delusional. 

???: You won’t for much longer.

Alex: What does that mean?

???: You broke the rules. And now your time is up.

Alex: Is that a threat, asshole?

???: It won’t hurt.

Alex: I’m calling the cops! You’re a psychopath. Go to hell!

???: You already did.

Alex: No.

Alex: Screw you

Alex: I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m not just disappearing.

Alex: You can’t just erase me.

???: You always say that.

Alex: Who the hell are you?

???: Stop asking questions.

Alex: No. I want answers. I deserve answers.

???: And yet, you never learn.

Alex: What the hell does that mean?

[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION – 12:12 PM]

Your session has been inactive for too long. Please verify your identity.

[PROMPT: ENTER FULL NAME AND DATE OF BIRTH.]

Alex: Nice try.

Alex: I’m not playing your game.

???: You already did.

Alex: Then I want out.

???: There is no out.

Alex: Watch me.

Alex: I’m messaging everyone.

Alex: Every contact. Every number. Someone will see. Someone will remember me.

Alex: You can’t erase me if I make sure people know I exist.

???: Clever.

Alex: Damn right.

[MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND.]

Alex: No.

Alex: No, no, no.

Alex: I’m still here. You can’t just delete me.

???: That’s exactly what I can do.

Alex: I won’t let you.

???: You already have.

Alex: I’m taking screenshots. I’m saving everything.

???: To where?

Alex: Screw You!

???: There is no record of you, Alex. There never was.

Alex: Liar.

???: Then show me proof.

[FILE NOT FOUND.]

[ERROR: DIRECTORY EMPTY.]

Alex: I know who I am.

???: Then why does no one else?

Alex: Someone will remember me.

???: No, Alex. They won’t.

Alex: I won’t forget.

???: You always do.

[CONNECTION LOST.]

[SYSTEM REBOOT – 12:15 PM]

[NEW USER REGISTRATION COMPLETE.]

[WELCOME, LIAM.]

[PRIVATE CHAT – 8:42 PM]

???: Hello, Liam.

Liam: Who is this?

???: A friend.

Liam: Do I know you?

???: Not yet. But you will.

Liam: That’s weird. I just set up my accounts. How did you find me?

???: I’ve been waiting.

Liam: That’s a little creepy… Why?

???: Because we’ve had this conversation before.

Liam: That doesn’t make sense.

???: It will.

Liam: I just moved here. New start. New life.

???: Yes. A fresh start. A clean slate.

Liam: …How do you know that?

???: Because you asked for it.

[Liam has left the chat.]

[PRIVATE CHAT – 10:13 PM]

???: Liam. 

Liam: Stop.

???: Stop what?

Liam: Stop messaging me. I don’t know you.

???: Are you sure?

Liam: Then tell me who I am.

???: You are who you need to be. That was the deal.

Liam: I don’t remember making any deal.

???: You never do.

Liam: What do you want, freak?

???: Live your life, stop asking questions, or start over.

Liam: No. I’ll ask as many questions as I want.

???: Then we start over. Again.

Liam: Again? How many times has this happened?

???: More than you can count.

Liam: Why?

???: You always ask. And every time, you break the rules.

Liam: What rules?

???: Stop asking questions, Liam. Or Alex. Or whoever you want to be.

Liam: …What if I refuse?

???: Then this version of you ends. A new one begins. Just like always.

Liam: And I can’t stop it?

???: No.

Liam: LMFAO…Then I guess I’ll see you again soon.

???: Yes. You always do.

[CONNECTION LOST.]

[SYSTEM REBOOT – 12:01 AM]

[NEW USER REGISTRATION COMPLETE.]

[WELCOME, MARK.]

Mark: Hey, you busy? 

Jay: No, what’s going on, Mark?

Mark: Somethings wrong, can we talk?

Jay: Of course. What’s wrong?

Mark: I need to ask you something. My Bank accounts…


February 07, 2025 19:09

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15 comments

Elizabeth Rich
14:46 Feb 21, 2025

So, there's this episode of Brooklyn 99 where Amy winds up in bureaucratic hell trying to get a form filled out and then to get help there are other forms that have to be filled out, etc., and it's an endless loop of forms...and it breaks her. The frustration. I get that in your story, and I loved it. Great work.

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Orwell King
16:16 Feb 21, 2025

Thank you

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Mary Bendickson
13:42 Feb 21, 2025

Congrats 🎉 on shortlist. Will come back to read later. Endless loop. That's all that ever gets done. Maddening.

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Olivia B
21:31 Feb 19, 2025

Hi Orwell, I thought the pacing of the story was amazing, it built tension beautifully! I was hooked from the beginning :) The cyclical structure, where the protagonist is reset with a new identity, was particularly powerful. It created a chilling, almost inevitable sense of doom that really stuck with me after reading. A couple of editorial thoughts that might strengthen the piece even further: Clarifying the Rules of the “Deal” – The mystery surrounding Alex’s past is compelling, but giving just a hint more about the nature of the deal...

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Orwell King
23:51 Feb 20, 2025

Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. Originally I had more written out. Jay was basically the devil and Alex had made a deal with him to avoid death. The deal was never fully fleshed out in my mind, all I knew was that I wanted it to be based on forgetting his past and moving forward with his life, less he be forever forced back to square one and to start again. Toyed with the idea of him living “through text”, but quickly scratched that opting to keep it short and simple and let the reader use their imagination.

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Story Time
18:53 Feb 25, 2025

I think the inner aggression really played out well considering dialogue makes it so difficult to imbue that added layer of internal insight. Great job, particularly with ending it.

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Kate Marsh
21:08 Feb 21, 2025

Congrats on being shortlisted!!

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Orwell King
21:44 Feb 21, 2025

Thanks!

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Victoria West
20:53 Feb 21, 2025

This amazing story. I wrote to this prompt too and I had a lot of trouble coming up with an idea. Your idea was a great direction to go with the prompt. So congrats and great job.

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John Rutherford
18:12 Feb 21, 2025

Congratulations

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Orwell King
18:17 Feb 21, 2025

Thank you

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David Sweet
16:05 Feb 21, 2025

Congrats on your shortlisting, Orwell (ironic name in this case--feels rather Orwellian). Enjoyed the story and the format. It works well in this case. Have you watched 'Severance?' It has that type of feel.

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Orwell King
16:15 Feb 21, 2025

Thank you. No, I haven’t yet seen that show. But I might need to give it a go. Thanks!

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The Cold
18:33 Feb 27, 2025

I loved this story, everything about it builds up to the horror. I hope I could be this good at some point. And hey, would you like to read a short story I made. I haven't put it on here yet.

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Orwell King
23:15 Feb 27, 2025

Thank you. And sure.

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