Faith in Wishes

“Hurry, Hurry!” I heard someone cry out as the crowd that was my family scrambled to get everything ready. The longest minute of the entire year was upon us, also the last minute of the year. 

11:59:47

“Ana! Aqui! Here!” My mother grabbed my attention to shove a cup of grapes into my hand. I watched as she quickly started passing out 12 slices of grapes to the younger kids. I remembered when I was small enough to need to have my grapes sliced up. It wasn’t a pleasant time in my life. My fingers would be sliced as well. It was tradition for us to eat 12 grapes at midnight on January 1st. With every grape we eat, we must make a wish for each month of the New year. 

11:59:50 

“Everyone ready?” One of my cousins yelled out. The countdown started. While my family started chanting, I thought about my wishes for the new year. 

11:59:51 

For January, I wished for wealth and good fortune on my friends and family. My mother, a kind yet stern woman deserved everything life had to offer. She grew up with five brothers and sisters in a Pueblo, where they all shared one room and often only shared one slice of bread. However, as strong and determined she was, my mother managed to crawl herself out of poverty and come to this country to help provide for her younger siblings. Here is where she met my father and they had me, the oldest of three.

11:59:52 

My father. A man who I have always been told to love but I’ve never known. I am the oldest of three children and my father died when I was very young. For February, I wish that his spirit is in heaven, it’s always my February wish, as its the same month as his birthday. I was a little wary about making this wish today. But I ultimately decided that what I know shouldn’t change anything.

“Don't forget to wish for my Xbox.” One of my little cousins whispers in my ear. 

11:59:53 

For March and April, I wish for my Uncle to scrape enough together to buy what his son has been wanting for the past two years. My Uncle works hard in his construction job, but they don’t give fair wages to undocumented immigrants. I wish for my sister to stop taking my clothes. 

11:59:54 

I wish for better grades in school. May is the month I take SATs. If I am to become a lawyer, I need to be able to make it to college. I finally choose my career path only two months ago. Before, I hadn’t been firm about anything else as a job. But I figured it would be good to take on. Just in case. This type of position is unfamiliar in my family. “A hispanic female in law!” Many of my male relatives scoff at the idea. Not because they think I am inferior, but they have been convinced that this country does not accept such an idea. I say they would be shocked at what this country does accept. 

June and July. I wish for my best friend Itzel to finally have the courage to stand up to people. She’s let way too many people walk all over her and I’m afraid I won’t be able to protect her all her life. Her father is the main culprit. He’s trying to shape her into something she is not and I wish he gets the help he needs as well. One of these days Itzel is going to snap and fight back. I wish that when she does she doesn’t end up like my mother, guilty and afraid for the rest of her life.

11:59:55 

I close my eyes as my family’s energy starts to build up for the last five seconds. August. I wish for Senior year to be the best year ever. September. I wish for a University to accept me. I wish for my new choice in career path to go well.

11:59:56 

My heart starts beating rapidly. I didn’t have much time left. For October I wished for the world to heal. I wished for the earth to be able to breathe without all of the pollution again. 

11:59:57 

November. I wish for the police to leave my mother alone. She doesn’t deserve to be reminded of every day of the day my father was killed. They need to stop asking questions and understand that our family has moved on already. They think it’s a cold case that needs to be cracked. When I’m a lawyer, I’m gonna make sure it stays cold. 

11:59:58 

For my last wish I kept the most important for last. The letters I found in my mother’s closet last month were too incriminating to be kept hidden in plain sight. She caught me burning them. I made sure to tell her that I wasn’t going to rat her out, after all, she was the only parent I had left and there was no use losing the one I’d known my entire life. My eyes made contact with my mother‘s as we all counted down the last second. I made my last wish. 

12:00:00 

“Happy New Year!” The entire family erupted in cheers. Everyone started to munch on their grapes while also trying to hug each other and toast to the times coming upon us. I hugged my little cousin and kissed my sister on the cheek. I grabbed my mother in an embrace as I swallowed my last grape. 

“It’s gonna be okay mami.” I whispered to her. “No one will ever know what you did.” 

My mother hugged me back, slowly starting up a sob that I thought she would’ve tired of already. Her fingers traced the scars on my fingers. Scars that fueled her anger all of those years ago. I told her not to cry and hugged her even tighter. I didn’t know why I was so sure. I had just put my entire faith in a few grapes and some New Years wishes. But I was going to keep my promise to my mother. No one was ever going to know.