Big City Dreams

Considering I pursued my dream job I should have been happy, right? No. In fact I become the opposite. It all started when I decided to move from my home state Wyoming, all the way to New York! I got the position to work under a famous fashion designer Avery Louis. But in order to move to the Big Apple I had to leave my family ranch behind. It was hard but they were proud of me for pursuing my dreams. I arrived at New York jittery and anxious but nonetheless excited. There was a chauffeur holding a sign with my name on it. He called my name,

"Hi! That's my name and have a chauffeur named Jack is that you?"

I asked, amazed at his different accent.

"Alright ma'am! Its great to finally meet ya Ms. Louis has talked lots about you!"

Said Jack while taking my suitcases.

"Really? Good things I hope!"

I said hoping that my clothes wouldn't be to heavy for him"

"Yes, ma'am very good things! Well, I hope ya like New York it sure is different from other places!"

Jack said cheerfully as he opened my door.

"Yeah, it sure is."

I got in the car and drove across the city. There were advertisements on the walls of buildings and yes, just like the movies there was horrible traffic. After the hour of driving through the city we arrived at my boss's house. It was a three story mansion, and inside there were almost 8 rooms! She escorted me to each room and told me that I occasionally would work here (with her permission of course.) It was so beautiful! There were a few maid who were slacking on the job but I let them off the hook, (for now.) But our story seems to have a pattern so I’ll skip ahead to the good stuff. After a month of living in the Big Apple I had already known the best coffee shop, best cheap restaurant, and the nicest taxi drivers. The coffee shop gave me a free espresso since I was new to town, and the taxi driver gave me a free ride! The restaurant gave me free drinks so I was happy. Although the one thing was I didn’t have was someone to talk to. Don't get me wrong, Ms. Louis is a wonderful, caring, woman who is really a great boss. We just don’t click if it's not about work though. The worst part was I felt invisible, all I did was work and when I didn’t work I had no one to talk to. I had been there for a six month and the owners of the coffee shop always asked if they had seen me before, the manager of the restaurant would always tell the other employees, “Look! Another new one!” and the taxi driver didn’t even know my name. At first I thought it was some kind of sick joke but when I asked they just didn't remember me. I kept asking myself was I so invisible that no one could remember my name. When I left home I didn’t expect it to be this way, my boyfriend broke up with me over text, my best friend said, “I don’t think we can be friends anymore” and my family has shunned me every time I bring up the topic of visiting. People here just move on with their lives but don’t ask about others. Maybe it's because I still wasn't used to New York but it still hurt altogether. Six months was enough time right? Why couldn't people just remember me? I told myself maybe if I look in the mirror long enough I'll disappear like I do for everyone else. A year of living in New York, I had my own penthouse and had enough knowledge plus experience to start my own company. I didn’t though, and had no social interactions with people except for work. And the more I went up the work ladder for Ms. Louis the more I felt alone. One day while talking with the fellow designers about a dress Ms. Louis called me into her office.

“Hello Ms. Louis! Is there anything I can assist you with?” I asked, putting on my best smile.

“Why haven’t you started your own company?” 

My jaw dropped.

“Ma’am, I love working for you an-”

“No. You have more than enough experience than anyone in this office. You can run your own company in your sleep, what’s holding you back?”

I was in shock, was my boss allowed to ask me these questions? Why should I answer them? Millions of questions raced through my mind, until when Ms. Louis sat down on her desk and asked,

“What’s holding you back?” 

I broke on the spot. I hadn’t realized that being lonely for so long could have this effect. I felt so tired of pretending that I was okay, I felt so tired of being alone in this giant city. Ms. Louis sat on the floor next to me and I told her how I was feeling. She said,

“Darling, I know it's hard. If you want to stay in my company so be it. But life begins at the end of your comfort zone. But, if you're not ready I understand.” I gave her a hug and told her I needed time to think about it. She gave me a month since I “deserved” it, when truly I didn’t. Ms. Louis was one of my greatest gifts and because of her I did many great things. In that month I started the company, got in touch with my family, and I made a friend at the coffee shop. My company is doing great and my friend circle has grown not only from the coffee shop but almost to everywhere I go! Ms. Louis and I keep in touch but also collaborate on some products! I didn’t realize that even in the biggest places you can feel alone, but remember there is hope ; in your friends, in your family, and in you.