In Which the Hero and the Villain are Suspected Love Interests

𝕍𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕣𝕖

The smirk of a master matchmaker. Or at least, a self-proclaimed one. Noelle’s plans of getting couples together had been working for as long as I had been her friend. Until now.

She said she had the “perfect match” for me. Not even as a lover (she knows I’m not into that sort of thing). All it was was a friend. Because I “never get outside anymore” and because I’m “always by myself”. 

We literally went out for coffee yesterday.

And so here I am, avoiding eye contact at all costs. Looking into my lap, at my shoes, and around me.

Noelle and her giddy grin of matchmaking madness sits to my left. She’s practically dancing in her seat. I can tell she’s excited that I’m finally going to make a friend. What can I say? 

I already know him? 

We essentially see each other every day? 

That only this morning I got a truck thrown at my head by the proclaimed stranger sitting across from me?

Not gonna happen.

For now, silence is best.

𝒥𝑜𝑒𝓁 

Why?

Why does the universe feel the need to do this to me?

Karma, I suppose, is the answer for everything. I didn’t go bad, it’s just my way of being.

I didn’t mean to throw a truck at Valore’s head, honest. I mean, I did. I kinda had to. She was getting in my way.

But what am I supposed to say?

Oh yeah, we go waaayyy back. You know, just this morning I had to throw a truck at the person sitting across from me.

Yeah, no thanks. I’ll just pretend that I don’t know her.

We’re better off as strangers than friends.

𝕍𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕣𝕖

I don’t think they’re the right person for me.

That’s what I told her, after the first time Joel and I “met”. I had to get out of there, the silence was unbearable. I guess Noelle just thought we were both awkward and shy.

I’ve never really minded Noelle’s ignorance. I just worked around it somehow.

But as ignorant as she is, she’s just as stubborn.

Just give it some time. She told me.

Maybe, in some other universe, we could’ve been friends.

Whatever that universe is, it definitely isn’t this one.

𝒥𝑜𝑒𝓁

Okay, let me tell you something.

I met Noelle at a superhero convention. Actually, I wouldn’t really say “met”. 

More like I kidnapped her.

Hey, a villain’s gotta do what a villain’s gotta do.

Anyway, I kinda felt bad for taking her hostage, but it was part of my plan and all that. Don’t expect me to tell you, because there’s no way that’s gonna happen.

As I was saying, I sort of felt bad about kidnapping her, so I went to go introduce myself (after a narrow escape from the police).

Honestly, I thought she might run away, me showing up out of nowhere and all that. I get a lot of comments saying I look like the local villain. Crazy, right?

Well, you would be spooked out of your skin if the town villain look-alike came up to say hello to you after you just got kidnapped by him.

All Noelle did was say hello back

Did you see me? I got kidnapped by the Javachi. It was so scary!

And, thus, my friendship with Noelle started.

I didn’t know that Valore had done the same thing, out of her hero costume. 

Ugh, I hate my life right now.

𝕍𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕣𝕖

I can’t believe I let myself get dragged out here.

By Noelle.

Again.

I wish I could’ve just jumped out of there, up, up, up, and out of her grasp. To the roof of my apartment, and off across the city.

Those are the highlights of the day, patrolling the streets from the rooftops of buildings, running and jumping through the sky.

Thing is, I can’t do any of that without my rocket boots.

Everyone has speculations about my hero powers. There are entire websites running with theories about what my special abilities might be.

It’s nothing like what you would think.

It’s true, I do have an ability, but it’s not something where I can fly, or run really fast, or have super strength.

I just work with tech.

It’s like it speaks to me. I can communicate with it. What I lack in any strength category, I make up for with my machines.

My entire apartment is littered with gadgets. I’ve got an entire room with different suits and gear and equipment.

I’ve got wings, for flying, rocket boots for jumping, a wall of goggles ranging from heat vision to enhanced binoculars. I’ve got GPS trackers and hologram wristbands. I have a headband that can animate and control my hair. You name it, I’ve got it. Or, at the very least, I can make it.

But I can’t use any of my tech to get out of this one. I’m being dragged to a bar on the other side of town.

To meet with Joel.

Again.

𝒥𝑜𝑒𝓁

I didn’t expect to spend my Saturday night at a bar sitting next to Valore.

I didn’t want to spend my Saturday night at a bar sitting next to Valore.

I would rather be robbing a bank or something right now.

Heck, I would rather be in the hands of the cops right now.

Heck, I would rather be in the hands of Valore right now (but in her hero suit). I would rather be getting caught by Mistress Mechan than sitting with Valore at a bar. Not like I would be caught for very long, mind you.

And yet, here we are. Hero and villain, sitting at a bar, not talking. Avoiding eye contact. Sipping our drinks (that Noelle forced us to get. “To light the mood”, she said). Noelle’s watching from a few seats down. She obviously still thinks we’re a good match. Maybe if I just stay silent, she’ll decide it’s not working and let it go.

𝕍𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕣𝕖

No, no, nonono, no, no. No. No. No.

This did not just happen.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Noelle was supposed to let it go. If I didn’t say anything, maybe she would just leave us alone.

I barely exchanged a few words with Joel before having to leave. There were much better things I could be doing than sitting at a bar with my nemesis.

Noelle took it further than that.

She took awkwardness for attraction.

You and Joel seem to be really embarrassed around each other, she texted me today.

I think it would be great for you two to go on a date without me.

I’ll set you two up for sometime next week.

Don’t be afraid to talk, and tell him how you feel.

I have to go on a date with him. I’ll tell him how I feel, alright. I’ll tell him how his dirty, rotten plans are never going to work. How all his success will slip through his rotten little fingers and down the gutter. I’ll tell him just how-

Rap rap rap.

Of course. Someone’s at the door.

𝒥𝑜𝑒𝓁

I had no other option.

There was no way I was going to go along with this.

As much as I hate Valore, I can’t just let her suffer whatever fate I’ll have to suffer. We both don’t want to do this.

And now I stand before Valore’s scowling face as she pokes out her head through a crack in her apartment door.

“How do you know where I live?” She growls at me.

“Look, I don’t want to go on this date just as much as you don’t. I’m not going to show up, and you don’t have to either. Just ignore it. Hopefully, Noelle gets over it.” Okay, I’m out. “Javachi will make an appearance around… 3:00?” Before Valore can get a word in, I teleport right out of there, real fast. Guess I have some crime-ing to do at 3:00 p.m. today.

𝕍𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕣𝕖

Truthfully, Joel isn’t that bad. Our hero and villain-ing is more of a pastime than anything.

I can’t catch him, he can’t beat me.

We’ll never be friends, of course, but I guess we’ll have to try and outplay Noelle together.

As much as I hate it, I can’t just tell her I’m a superhero. And Joel can’t tell her he’s a villain.

There’s nothing else we can do except try to live with it.

Somewhere, out in the city, I hear a crash.

I guess I’ve got a villain to fight.