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When you asked for a kitten, this wasn’t what you expected was it?

What you had pictured, curled up comfy in your bed, was a little creature. A ball of fluff distinguishable only by a pink nose and intelligent eyes that seemed to know all your secret bottled emotions. 

Ok, you acknowledged the odds of an omnipotent kitten existing were probably low. Like 5% maybe that one was out there, maybe 1% you ended up with one? Math was not your strong suit. Your failed high school stats class made sure you knew that…

Now, everyone takes into consideration the faultiness of weather forecasters when they make plans to venture from their couches into the outdoors. If there’s even a “small” chance of rain, maybe they’ll grab an umbrella on their way out, ensure their kids pack a rain jacket on the way to school. But for you? Of course, they’re always outlandishly off.

“Today’s set to be the sunniest day of the year!”

You came home with hypothermia that day, your skin as icey as your soul.

“Expect the heavens to come a’pourin folks!”

Your skin, hailed for being practically translucent, burnt to a crisp. You had forgone sunscreen because of those hack bastards.

It reached the point where you avoided checking at all, convinced you must jinx it. You’d be your own forecaster. God knows you seemed to be better at it. A quick glance out your trusty window and you’d plan according to the mood of the clouds. But this morning? You had sat down with your parents after stuffing your suitcase to the brim and watched the morning news. 

“Just an average day today, all! Not gonna make ya sweat outta your skin or freeze your buttocks off!” some caster had laughed heartily at his own joke. You had rolled your eyes and glanced at your father who had just nodded stonily. He was kinda like a statue- if statues forced you to go on trips to see historic churches.

Your mom on the other hand was the human embodiment of bubbles. She was constantly oscillating from task to thought to whim to oooo there’s a butterfly, look! She had bounced onto your dad’s lap,

“C’mon, c’mon, c’mon lazy bums!” she sing-songed. She was one of the few people who could chisel a smile into your rock of a father. As he had kissed her, you groaned and dragged your case to the backseat of the car, not keen on watching their sappy love for the millionth time.

However, this seemed forever away to you as your face fogged up the window you were plastered to, mouth so wide open you were sure to be slobbering.

It was raining cats.

Literally.

From short-haired to long-haired, fresh out of the womb to on their last leg, felines were falling from the heavens. Black, brown, white, siamese, calico, tabby, all were suddenly affected by the Earth’s gravitational pull. Technically speaking, there was no precipitation, so you could give the forecasters that...

Varying pitches and volumes of “mews” and “meows” were muffled by the stopped car, a result of your father forgetting to put his foot onto the acceleration again. His face was the most expressive you probably had and would ever see in your life, but you never looked, BECAUSE IT WAS RAINING CATS.

Your mother, who talked through funerals, was stunned into silence. 

Just your average family outing in the middle of some country road, quiet, excepting the noise of very disturbed cats on their descent towards the Earth.

Strangely enough, your initial thought was not even about the absurdity of the situation, rather it was concern. How would they land? What if a baby falls and can’t even see the ground they were hurdling towards?!

This is a normal reaction for a person in shock. 

But your concern was for naught, as every single one - and I mean all of them- landed squarely and relievedly on their feet, some hissing as though cursing their bad luck.

As time went on, it was like you kept failing your constitution checks, stuck watching the same process over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over-

Until

A particularly fat tabby started to waddle to the front of the car. As it struggled its way onto the hood, the old Volkswagen moaned, shaking you out of your trance. Naturally from your parents’ spot in the front seats, their attention was caught before to the slow beast’s travel, and they were already watching it, bodies stiff with fear.

Who would’ve thought a domestic animal could cause such uneasiness?

As the tabby plunked himself down, you got a better view of him. In particular, his face seemed to be rimmed by dark lines, like he had his own natural pair of specs. Just as you began to ponder the curiosity of such a trait, he opened his mouth and said,

“Hello!”

This seemed to break your mother, who screamed at the top of her lungs, prompting a curse from your father.

Only mildly perturbed by this turn of events, the tomcat politely asked,

“What is this contraption that you are in?”

Of course, now your father saw it fit a time to resume his foot’s position on the gas. The car lurched forward sending the gentlemanly feline flying, and suddenly crushed under the wheels.

Your hands flew to your mouth as you took your turn at screaming.

“ALFRED, ALFRED STOP THE CAR!” your mother frantically pulled on your father,

“AL, YOU’RE GOING TO HIT MORE, STOP!!”

Tears streamed down your face, hysterical, but speechless until you saw a kitten in the middle of the road, your parents distracted by their own arguing. It had the cutest little pink nose and puffed out hair, its fright so evident that it finally broke the last remnants of your shock, leading you to shriek,

STOP!”

Face slamming into the front of your mom’s seat, the car skidded and ground at the abuse on its brakes. The kitten was spared.

Huffing, everyone attempted to catch their breath, cats still falling from the sky and landing here and there. 

This time you noticed first the chunky tabby, casually grooming its own blood from its fur.

“Ah I see, so it’s called a car.” he thought out loud.

“Thank you, very satisfying.”

The tomcat then curled in a ball and fell asleep on the warm hood without another word. It was again silent in the car.

Then you heard a bark.

June 27, 2020 02:54

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14 comments

נιмму 🤎
18:13 Jul 19, 2020

I realize I'm literally like a month late to reading this story but dude this was so good! I really liked it, again, so creative and hilarious! I would also be worried if the cats were landing okay because a fall like that could have you breaking your back! Anyway, great job once again. Your writings style continues to impress and inspire :)

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Raven Quill
01:17 Jul 20, 2020

Thank you so much!! And ya, I love cats too much to have them splatter on the ground haha. Your words mean a lot :)))

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Tvisha Yerra
01:54 Jun 30, 2020

This story was amazing! Sorry, I'm a huge dark humor fan. I love who the idiom "raining cats and dogs" was actually brought to life in this story! If you don't mind... can you give me some feedback on my story? You don't have to, sorry to bother you. Have a great day, you certainly made mine!

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Raven Quill
03:29 Jun 30, 2020

Thank you so much!! I also love love love dark humour. And don't feel a need to apologize so much, I take no offense at all! You're just trying to develop as a writer, and personally I love reading people's works. I'll take a look when I have a moment and give some feedback. I'm glad I made your day :)

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Tvisha Yerra
15:54 Jul 01, 2020

Thanks!

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Aqsa Malik
10:18 Jun 28, 2020

Raven! You gotta give us a warning before making us laugh this hard omg. This was absolutely hilarious and I didn't expect it all, like the moment you said it was raining cats I lost it. I really love how absurd this is, like you can't predict what's going to happen next and you definitely don't disappoint. The descriptions of the parents especially the mum I thought were really good and brought out a vivid image. The fact that I love cats the most could make me biased but you already know you're a great writer :) Also, the ending ...

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Raven Quill
19:49 Jun 28, 2020

I'm glad you liked it!! I normally write much darker so I thought I'd try my hand at a change up haha. But thank you, I actually wrote it super last minute and couldn't flesh everything out that I wanted if I wanted to make the submission time XD. Thank goodness it didn't come off that way... I also love love love cats and aweeee thank you so much!! I was trying to do it's raining cats and dogs and curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought him back lol. Thank you so much always for your very kind comments though! I can alway...

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Aqsa Malik
19:53 Jun 28, 2020

I could tell! This was definitely one of my favorites. Oh god that is literally me, sometimes I leave it like right to the last few hours and scold myself for coming up with something so late haha. Of course! We're all in the same boat here and have to constructively support each other ❤

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Raven Quill
20:36 Jun 28, 2020

Oh yay! Me toooo tho hahaha. But you're so right :)) <3<3

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Eleanor Gracie
00:58 Jul 02, 2020

Ha ha, I love it! I'd be intrigued to read the rest of this book if it was a full-length novel. Where are the cats falling from, and can they all talk? Will You get to keep this orange tabby, or otherwise be unable to shake him? If so, nice that the parents are in the same situation with the kid instead of him trying to hide a creature from his parents, which is a beloved but undeniably overdone trope. ;-P But of course, this is a short story! And I think it works beautifully. ^_^ I was a bit confused about the age of "You" at first, assu...

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Raven Quill
01:21 Jul 02, 2020

Thank you so much! Ya, there's certainly many places I could go with it had I the time. Those are all fun ideas for sure, but I'm glad you appreciated it! With the age thing, I suppose I wasn't super clear, but I thought the kitten thing might clue the reader in, along with the high school class part. I certainly was lazy with this piece and even thought about it as I was writing, but I had to submit it in like 45 minutes from when I started so I kinda shoved it aside lol. The tabby probably would go over the top, but he just crawled back...

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Harken Void
13:04 Jun 30, 2020

"It was raining cats." Okay, heard that one before. "Literally." Say that again? Hahaha, I mean, did that just happen? Oh my god, those meows of varying intensity, falling from the sky and (I expected tehm to splatter in gore, but you said you wanted to try some 'lighter' humor, so I understand) landing perfectly, four-point-landing. Funny, adorable, completely unexpected, in short, awesome! 5% chance for an omnipotent cat to exist? Damn! That's more chance than I have to win the lottery haha. And then, a bark! This rabbit hole has no ...

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Raven Quill
16:43 Jun 30, 2020

Hahaha I'm glad you liked it!! And ya, I considered having them die, but I was a) trying to shove in as many little anecdotes as I could, b) needed somewhere for the story to go because I was writing so last minute, c) ya I was aiming for a bit lighter humor and d)....I just love cats and I wasn't the most keen on killing them XD. But thank you! Also ya I was hoping to make her seem like not the brightest character haha. I was pretty proud of the ending though lmao, I'm relieved it had the effect I was going for :)))

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Harken Void
17:13 Jun 30, 2020

Haha, it is a great story, made me laugh and I'm glad I read it :) Keep it up!

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