LOVE?HATE

WEDNESDAY APRIL 2 2014    MEL

“Ding, Ding, Ding’’. My alarm was going off. “5 more minutes’’ I said in a groggy tone. It didn’t stop so I threw a pillow at it. It now was muffled and annoying. I got up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I got out of bed and limped to the bathroom like I usually did. “Oww’’ I had torn my ACL and was still recovering. My mom was at my side in a matter of seconds. “Mom I got it” I said through a yawn as I stumbled into the bathroom. I hated being babied by her; she always made it seem like I was helpless. I brushed my teeth and washed my Ace bandage in the cool water. She thought it was her job to do everything for me. My dad left my mom after I came out as Gay and changed my name from Malissa to Mel. My mom accepts me. Maybe a little too much she posted it on facebook and all of my friends’ moms saw it. She made me lose all of my friends and my father. I was just 12 years old. Oh I wanted to die and I tried, Many times, all of those times I was hospitalized. I finally learned to accept myself. I am homeschooled now though I can’t show my face at school. I scrolled through a girl named Liz’s Instagram and found out almost the same things happened to her. I keep D’Ming her but she doesn’t respond. I say things like “I’m here for you” and “Here’s to another day”. Anyway, I got dressed and put on my damp ace bandage, grabbed my crutches and went out to buy breakfast at McDonalds, a good old egg Mcmuffin with sausage and cheese. OMG. There is Liz. She looks even more beautiful in person. Her short reddish brown hair has tiny little braids in it. I walk over and say “Hey” she looks at me and rolls her eyes then looks away. I get really embarrassed. then she says “Hey Buddy” she points at the cashier “I’ll pay for her meal.” I stand shocked as she smiles at me. “Thanks” I manage to squeak out. She laughs a really cute laugh. I get butterflies in my stomach. We get our food and sit down at a crummy table. “Damn it, I forgot to order my coffee”. She hops up. I see her coming back with a coffee with 2 cream one splenda just how I like it. “Here” she says as she hands me the coffee. “How did you know this was how I liked it”? I asked. She shrugged her shoulders then plopped down next to me. Almost knocking over my crutches. We talked for about an hour. Sharing things about ourselves that we dont tell anyone. I was so attracted to her. I asked her if she had snapchat and she gave it to me. I was about to die. I was so happy. When we parted she gave me a kiss on the forehead and got into her big beautiful black truck and I got into my jeep. We waved goodbye then left my heart so light for the rest of the day. I had a problem though I knew she only thought of me as a friend.This was the thing that was going to ruin my life. I loved her but she didnt love me.

WEDNESDAY APRIL 2 2014   LIZ

“Liza! It is deiz muitos until we have breakfast. Chop chop!” I hear my Abuela’s voice drift about to me in bed. She calls me Liza, but I’d rather be Liz or Lizzy. I let a groan slip, which fortunately Abuela doesn’t hear. 

I sit up in my crumpled sheets. They’re all bunched up from sleeping on them. I stare at my pale yellow room with wide stretching windows that overlook the pink and white cherry blossoms. They’re finally in bloom and are so beautiful, I tear up a little just looking at them. I can smell Abuela's tostadas. They’re aromatic scent wafting upstairs.  

I grumpily drag my feet to the bathroom to run a brush through my snarly hair. My hair’s actually kind of pretty once it’s comed. It’s reddish brown and short. I weave little braids through it too, which Abuela says “adds a nice touch”. 

I’ve lived with Abuela my whole life, but I used to live with Mama and Papa too. They left me with her when I came out as lesbian. Yeah, that conversation didn’t go well. It was terrifying. Just thinking about it makes tears seep from the corner of my eyes. I splash cool water from the sink on my face to make my red puffy eyes less noticeable. 

My parents were really religious. They tried to pray the gay out of me or whatever. When it didn’t work they dropped me off here and left to go back to Puerto Rico. At first I missed them like crazy. I induced myself into self harm thinking something was wrong with me. Then I realized it wasn’t me. It was them. If they couldn’t accept me for me, then why would I miss them? Why would I feel sorry for them when they’re the ones who don’t like me for being my true self? Abuela said “People who can’t love you for who you are, aren’t worth bothering about. There will always be people like that. People who want to hurt you whether physically or meantally, but you have to find your people. The ones who care. Those are the people that matter.” I yawn while stepping down the stairs, I stumble into the kitchen to tell Abuela I was going to go out to McDonalds instead. 

 “Hey, I'm actually going to head out to McDonalds to get a good, cheap coffee. Do you want one?” She shakes her head. She doesn’t approve of fast food, but c’mon I’m an american teen. Her tan face sprinkled with wrinkles is furrowed in concern.

` “Miha Just eat here.” I look at her with a serious face. She understands. “Fine, I just made a big breakfast for you though.” She says sighing.

 “I know And I’m sorry I just want my coffee.” I say while hugging her. I grab my keys and head out the door. 

“Te amo Abuela”(Love you Grandma). After I parked I got out of the car and ordered my XL coffee black just the way I like it and a thing of french fries. OMG. It's Mel. 

The person who always DM’s me. Shoot. I never answered her. I roll my eyes at myself for never responding, but she looks offended. Oh gosh, now she probably thinks I’m disgusted by her. I Must Look Really bad. I have to make it up to her in a flirty way because she is so cool and cute. “Hey Buddy” I look and point at the cashier. “I’ll Pay for her meal” She looks astonished. “Thank you” Mel squeaks. 

I couldn't help but smile. I just got this bubbly feeling like electric waves are flowing through me. We sat down and talked for about an hour. She looks so pretty. She has to leave But before she does I do something crazy: I pop a kiss on her forehead and give her my snapchat. I get back into my beautiful Night black Truck. She gets into her cute Jeep wrangler with a bit of trouble then I wave. She blushes a little before she gets in and suddenly I know she didn’t mind the kiss, in fact, I think she liked it! She is perfect and I know she likes me back

THURSDAY APRIL 3 2014  MEL

“Ugh.” 

“Everything okay, pumpkin?” my mom is literally by my side in 3.2 seconds.

“Moooom, don’t call me ‘pumpkin’! That’s a name for babies.” I moan to her, but inside I actually like when she does that.

She smirks. I sigh.

“Is anything wrong?” she asks.

“I need some dating advice” She looks surprised that I asked her. She walks into my room and sits on the bed with me.

“Who's the lucky person?” she squeals. 

I glare at her. But I can't stay mad if I want her help.

“Her name is Liz, The same thing happened to her, And I like her and she doesn't like me back” I say my voice gets quieter as i'm talking. All of a sudden I'm on the verge of tears.  

“Aww Mel, honey” She says quietly. 

It felt like I was being stabbed in the heart. I couldn’t stop crying.

“I will be right back,” Mom says.

“Don't be too long, I need you right now,” I yelp.

She comes back in less than two minutes with a Large tub or double chocolate chunk ice cream and hands me a spoon. I start eating and she tries to boop me on the nose with some ice cream on her finger. I dodge her.

“Mom stop it” I say in a croak-like voice. I was between crying and laughing.

“Aww there’s my baby's beautiful smile” Mom puts her hands on her heart. 

“Mooooom” I say in a happy but annoyed tone. 

“Honey just remember, Love is there for everyone you just need to find it,” oddly enough that's just what I needed to hear. I went to the bathroom and washed my face to try and get rid of my red stained cheeks. Great. mascara stained my eyelids. 

My mom walks into my room an hour later and sees me looking at her instagram 

again. I get 5 or 6 notifications from Liz but can't answer. I can't let her see me at a time of weakness.

THURSDAY APRIL 3 2014                 Liz 

I was positive that Mel liked me, but now I’m not sure. I’ve sent her a bajillion messages and she hasn’t responded. 

“Liza! Come downstairs and help me with dinner. You’ve been staring at your phone para siempre (forever)! I’m telling you these “phones” are such bad influences on young people!” Abelua’s voice sounds exasperated. I sigh. I probably should stop staring at my screen. Staring won’t make her respond any sooner.  

I slump downstairs running my fingers through my hair. Abelua gives a good hard look once I come into the bright blue kitchen. 

“What is wrong amor?” she asks, her voice growing softer. I’m on the verge of saying “nothing, everything’s fine” when I choke on my words and burst into tears. I bite my lip as tears oozed from my eyes. I wipe my nose with my sleeve. I probably look pathetic. I can't help it, my emotions have taken control of me.