9 comments

Drama Romance

Loud, hypnotic music pulsated through the nightclub’s sound system. She could feel the sweat dripping down her face as she stumbled through the fog and the crowd, attempting to make her way to the bar. From behind, somebody pushed her forward and she fell against the back of a tall guy who was leaning on the bar.


“Oy!” he yelled as his drink spilled all over the bar. He turned around ready to punch the offender when he saw a small, slightly out of it, pixie of a girl.


“Oh my god…did I do that?” she asked with a laugh as she caught sight of the bright red stain that now adorned the guy’s shirt. “I’m so sorry – someone pushed me, and I fell.” She looked down and noticed that the heel of her shoe had snapped off in the fall. At the same time, she lost her balance and fell sideways. The guy reached out to stop her fall.


“Thanks,” she gushed.


“You’re really out of it, aren’t you?” he asked. “Are you okay?”


She became lost in the beat of the music and started nodding and swaying in time to the music.


“I love this song! Don’t you love this song?” she replied and then she looked at his shirt and began to laugh again. “Look at your shirt!”


“I know!” he yelled over the music. “You did this!” He stared at her in bemusement. She was the funniest, strangest girl he had ever met.


“I did?” she questioned. “Are you sure?” she asked all coyly. Then she began to giggle. “That colour looks good on you – don’t worry. Looks like some fancy designer shirt. You know, the kind people pay big money for.” She giggled again. “Let me buy you another drink. What were you drinking anyway?”


She ordered them both a drink and then excused herself to run off to the ladies where she became distracted by her friends and she never made it back to the guy at the bar, or to her drink.


* * * * * * * * *


Bright sunshine flooded into the room and radiated off the stark white walls, piercing her eyes which she squeezed shut tightly. Her head pounded and she threw her pillow over her face and groaned loudly.


"Ergh! What time is it?" came her muffled voice from under the pillow. Her head thumped to the beat of last night's music.


Another groan came from beside her in the bed. Her best friend reached over to the bedside table and looked at her phone. 


"It's 12.30" she moaned. Then she dropped the phone. "Ahh shit, it's 12.30! I told my brother we'd meet him for lunch in the city today. Crap!"


"You're just going to have to tell him we can't make it. We can't move!" she cried. There was no way she'd make it anywhere after last night.


Her friend rolled out of the bed and gingerly sat on the edge looking at the phone that was now in her hand again. Just at that moment it began to ring. She put her hand up to her forehead, as if it were needed to stop her head toppling off her shoulders. She groaned loudly, "It's him".


She stood up and walked slowly towards the door and hit the bright green buzzing answer call button as she walked through the doorway and down the hall towards the kitchen.


She could hear her friend apologizing to her brother and suggesting that he drop by in a couple of hours. 'Thank god!' she thought. She realized that this would give her enough time to get up and shower and make excuses to be somewhere else. There was no way she could sit through the pleasantries of talking to relatives that weren't even her own. Not in this condition anyway.


She sat slowly up and the room began to spin. She went to lay down again but a strong nauseated feeling came over her and she began to break out in a cold sweat. She jumped up and ran towards the bathroom, tripping on her shoes on the way. But, by the time she got to the bathroom, the wave had swept over and so she turned on the shower and stood staring at herself in the bathroom mirror. Last night's makeup had turned her into a panda. Her hair was a bird's nest and those cute ponytails were long gone. She was definitely in no state to be meeting her friend's brother. She had seen pictures of him and had thought he was cute. If she was going to meet him, it needed to be under better circumstances. She turned on the cold water tap and scooped up some water in her hands, the cold a shock to the system. She rinsed the water around her mouth and spat it into the sink. Then she stripped off and stood for a good long while under the shower. 


As the hot water ran through her tangled hair, massaging her scalp and running down her back, she lost herself in the thoughts of last night. She was pretty sure it had been an awesome night, although the details were still rather sketchy. She smiled when she thought about how fun it was to let loose and lose herself dancing. Then she remembered something about a funny conversation she'd had with some girls in the loo, but now she wasn't sure what it was about, but she remembered giggling hysterically with them and hugging. Then she remembered the guy at the bar and the spilled drink. ‘That was a missed opportunity,’ she thought. She couldn’'t remember much about the whole thing, except that he was cute. Obviously, it must not have ended well otherwise she wouldn't have woken up in her friend's apartment.


A knock on the bathroom door disturbed her train of thought.


"I've made you a coffee," her friend called out.


She turned off the shower and wrapped the towel around herself. Dripping wet hair ran down her back as she opened the bathroom door and padded back into the bedroom. 


"Mind if I borrow some clothes?" she called out to her friend who was now back in the kitchen.


She made her way to the wardrobe and stared at the assorted mess of clothes that had been shoved into the wardrobe.


Her friend made her way to the bedroom door.


"Yeah sure," her friend replied. She walked in and grabbed some clothes for herself then made her way to the bathroom.


The girl chose a pair of short denim shorts and a white peasant top. She looked over at her shoes that were strewn across the bedroom floor. She noticed the heel of her shoe had broken and she sighed. She would have to borrow some shoes too! She quickly dressed then made her way to the kitchen to find that much needed coffee. She inhaled the aroma of the coffee and hoped that it would be enough to get her through the day as the thought of actually drinking it made her want to be sick again.


“Well, that was quite a night,” her friend mentioned as she strolled back into the room. 


“One of the best! Although...I’m a little hazy on some of it,” the girl laughed as she brushed her hair into two ponytails, the same way she had worn her hair the night before. 


“So, I know you said your brother was coming round and even though I would love to meet him, I am just way too hungover right now. I think that I am going to head out for a little while. Is that okay?” she said sheepishly.


“You know what, I don’t feel like seeing him right now either. I feel awful,” she sighed. “I’ll call him back and tell him something has come up.”


* * * * * *


After an awkward phone call to her brother, the two girls made their way out to get a coffee. They found a quiet little cafe just down the road and sat down at a table next to the large window that looked out onto a large outdoor shopping area. The girls stared out at people walking past and lost themselves in conversation. The next thing they knew there was a tap on the glass. The two girls looked up to see a tall, familiar looking man. 


“Oh my god!” her friend laughed. She was clearly embarrassed. “It’s my brother!”


The young man walked in and stood beside the two seated girls. 


“So...you’re too busy to meet with your brother, hey?” he scoffed.


“What are you doing here?” her friend asked, genuinely surprised.


“Well, when I was ditched by you two, I arranged to meet a friend for a coffee. Seems you had the same idea,” he glanced over at the girl. 


“This is Sylvie, my friend from Uni. She stayed with me last night,” her friend said, smiling at Sylvie. 


“Nice to meet you Sylvie,” her friend’s brother said. “My friend should be here any minute now.”


Just at that moment the cafe door swung open again and in walked a tall, handsome young man.


“Hey man,” he said as he approached the table. 


“Hey!” the brother exclaimed. “Simon, meet my little sister and her best friend Sylvie,” he said, gesturing towards the girls. “Ladies, this is the one and only Simon.”


The two girls looked up and suddenly Sylvie looked away in a panic. Although she couldn’t remember everything that happened last night, she was sure this was the guy from the bar. Then, realising what she had done, she turned and looked at Simon. 


“Nice to meet you,” said Sylvie. She hoped that he had also been too out of it to remember her


Simon was looking straight past his friend’s sister and stared at Sylvie. Straight away he recognized her as the girl who had made him spill the drinks he had bought, then replaced only his drinks, then left him standing at the bar awkwardly waiting for her return from the ladies. He froze, then realizing that this might be an unusual response, he lent over to shake Sylvie’s hand.


“Sylvie is it? Nice to meet you,” he grinned. He noticed a surprised look on her face and this made him smile inside. Not wanting to ignore his friend’s sister he reached his hand over to her as well. “And you are?”


“I’m Daisy, James’ sister. Do you guys want to join us?” she offered. 


The two guys pulled up seats from a neighboring table and sat down. They ordered coffees and talked. Neither Sylvie nor Simon mentioned the night before, but both were fairly certain of who they were talking to. 


As they went to leave, the group hugged each other to say goodbye. Simon leaned in and whispered into Sylvie’s ear, “You never came back for your drinks! And the stain came out, by the way.” As he pulled away from the embrace, he could see Sylvie’s face blush and smile. 



* * * * *


A few weeks later, Sylvie was sitting at her desk typing out a boring essay. Suddenly, a notification popped up on her phone. She had received a Facebook message from an unknown sender. She flicked across to the message and there was a photo of Simon, wearing the same shirt he had worn at the bar. Underneath he had written “See, I told you that the stain had come out. When will you be back in town to have that drink with me?”


She smiled at the photo. Then she hit reply.


August 28, 2020 02:12

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

9 comments

H. W. Autumn
22:52 Sep 02, 2020

This was a great story! The head-hopping did make this story a bit confusing, but other than that, great job!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Tyler Runde
04:28 Aug 31, 2020

Hey Alwyn, I really love how this story opens up. Right away we've got our setting, as well as a very vivid impression of the nightclub's atmosphere. It's not an exaggeration for me to say that I was sucked in right away! In contrast, the way that the second section of the story leaves something to be desired. I understand the intention of wanting to convey Sylvie's disorientation and uncertainty about where she is upon awaking (and if this wasn't you're intention, please forgive my presumption). But there's two reasons this didn't wor...

Reply

Alwyn McNamara
06:42 Aug 31, 2020

Thank you so much for taking the time to give such a thorough review of my short story. I totally agree with the points you have made. I did intend to spend longer on the cafe scene however time got away from me and I was running out of time to submit it, so the ending was rushed. However, if I were to rework it I would definitely try to work on adding more tension to the scene where they meet up again. Also, I agree that a single POV would have been a better way to take the story. Maybe you should be my editer 😉😁 your feedback is very usefu...

Reply

Tyler Runde
07:56 Aug 31, 2020

With the way the world is right now, if all else fails, I may need to look into trying to get editing work in order to get by. Though since I lack any sort of literary degree I imagine it'll be a grueling uphill battle before I can make decent money at it, if I can even get that far.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Rebecca Lee
03:43 Aug 30, 2020

That was a lovely read. and liked it all.. I thought I saw some stuff to tell you about - corrections but when I went back and looked - didn't find them. Hey would you come read and comment on some of my stories? The Story of Cecil Greene and The Will No One Would Like?

Reply

Show 0 replies
Rebecca Lee
03:41 Aug 30, 2020

That was a nice story to read, and I think your perspective was unique. I thought I saw some stuff to tell you about - editing suggestions, but when I went back and looked - didn't find them. Bravo! Hey would you come read and comment on some of my stories? The Story of Cecil Greene and The Will No One Would Like?

Reply

Show 0 replies
Maya W.
23:56 Aug 29, 2020

Aww, this was so cute! I really enjoyed this take on the prompt! I can never write good romance, lol. Would you mind reading some of my other stories here? Thanks!

Reply

Alwyn McNamara
00:11 Aug 30, 2020

Thank you!

Reply

Maya W.
00:12 Aug 30, 2020

:)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
RBE | Illustrated Short Stories | 2024-06

Bring your short stories to life

Fuse character, story, and conflict with tools in Reedsy Studio. 100% free.