"By the time I stepped outside, the leaves were on fire." I could hear the loud roars that were accompanied by the fire and destruction. When I had at first walked into the small tavern there was nothing of a sort, but now... Tops of towers were toppled over, people and buildings alike smashed underneath the weight. Men, women, and children, nobody was safe from this dragon that was attacking the small village. The sad thing is, I don't even know if my father is okay. Not thinking about it, my feet moved on their own running to the house in the corner of the village, tucked away behind some other buildings. People were scrambling beside me running every which way, screaming out the words, "Run! A dragon !" Like people couldn't see it for their own eyes that there was a ginormous creature flying above us.
"Father! Father!" I yelled out as I ran between two builds, my feet came to a complete stop. My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach, as I looked at the decimated building. I had no hope at that point... I knew that my father didn't make it out. He was a cripple and nobody cared for cripples other than a few people. I just stood there and stared at the budling my eyes not leaving it until I heard from above me a crack, feeling the ground shaking beneath me. "No... No. No, no, no, no, no." At the point of screaming, I took a step forward walking towards the house. My house, the place where I lived my whole life, the house where my younger sister had grown up in. Where my family had stayed.. It was gone. Everything was gone. I blocked out everything that was going on around me, completely forgetting that the dragon was even attacking this village.
Until my body was pushed with a strong force onto the ground. "What do you think you are doing Onyx?!" A loud angry voice yelled, as my senses came back to me in an instant. I looked up at them, a boy with tan skin, long blond hair, and bright green eyes. His face was in a twisted in an angry manner, he was around my age. "Lumir, what are you doing?" I asked pushing him off of me away from the fire. "I thought you were at the HIgh Elves council meeting." I was kinda offended that my best friend lied to me and all but what was I going to do? I couldn't do anything. "I was.." I took a step back, "It- well, it was boring and you know how much I hate boring things..." Slowly, he got up off of the ground and so did I. "You know what!" He yelled and grabbed my arm, "It doesn't matter, do you wanna die or not?!" He started to pull me away from my burning home. "I'd rather die, I've got nothing to live for anymore."
"So he really said that?" I slowly shook my head, hearing a more feminine voice enter into my ears. "Yeah, so I knocked him out for being so dumb," Lumir said softly. I felt a hand caress my face and I shivered at the cold touch. "Too bad it might leave a mark though, I didn't really think I had hit him that hard." I moved my face away from the hand and opened up my eyes slowly. "W..what is going on here?" I asked, slowly sitting up to look at the two black figures sitting on the bed in the overly dark room. "We are in a jail cell if that isn't obvious." The feminine said with a playfully cocky voice. That's when I finally realized who that was, "Rose, is that you?!" Lumir chuckled softly, "You didn't know who I was just by the sound of my voice?" She asked, sounding offended. "Noo..." I shook my head and said that, but they couldn't even see the action that I did. I bit my lip softly, then continued to speak, "But, why are we in a jail cell-"
Light from a hole on the floor emitted, "Is anyone up there?!" A voice whispered-yelled up. Rose swiftly got up and stepped over to the hole and looked down. "Three." She said plainly. There was the clanking of the big metal door on the floor, that was used to check on all the captives at once through a long tunnel system. It was pulled open, "Come on!" She said as she jumped down. Lumir walked over to the hole and gulped. I got up and looked down it, then snickered, "Stop being a baby, it isn't even that far of a drop." I said and I got onto my butt and dropped down into the hole. I looked around me and there were about 10 quiet people down here. "Lumir, come on. They aren't going to wait all day for you to man up." Rose spoke harshly, but quiet. "It was better her than I saying that." I thought to myself looking up at the younger boy. I put out my arms and sighed, "I'll catch you, so jump." I could hear others laugh around me, but I just ignored them. Lumir sat down and did exactly what I did. He slipped on the edge and fell down into the hole, by the look in his eyes you could see that he was absolutely terrified about getting hurt. I caught the younger boy in my arms, his face softens and he let out a long sigh. I moved to the side so others could pass me. "Thank you." He whispered to me as I set him down. I hummed and started to walk with the other people. I turned my head to look at a very short female, I was confused because she didn't look like she had done anything bad and neither did we. "Why are we down here?" I asked her. She looked up and sighed, "The stupid republic. They locked us in here because we weren't nords. God, if only I'd be able to get my hands on Talko's neck, he'd be in for a ringer." She said with a thick foreign accent. That made sense to me, I mean I'm a dark elf, Lumir is a light elf, and Rose is a Kajit. "What are you then?" The lady snickered, "She's a gnome." Lumir smiled butting in on the conversation. "What the scardy cat said." I started to silently laugh, she wasn't wrong he was a baby at times. "Don't laugh at me Onyx, I don't get out as much as you do." He lightly hit me on the shoulder, he lips slowly turned into a small pout. "Don't hit me."- "Don't laugh at me." - "You don't laugh at me."- "Stop copying me." - "That's what yours doing right now."- "Shut up." - "You shut up."- "M-"
"Alright you both shut up or I'm going to slit your throats." A deep voice behind us muttered. I could see Lumir tense up, both of us didn't dare to turn around and look at who said it. Everyone continued to walk as we passed other holes in the ceiling gaining more and more people. At the end of the tunnel was a huge opening that led to a cave. Everyone went silent as there a loud, "Who's there?!" Lumir clung onto my back, as Rose moved back behind me. Others moved to the front, those ones are the ones that obviously had some type of magic or weapon they could use to protect themselves. But we had nothing, nothing at all.
Echoing all around us there were the sounds of 'swooshing' and 'swishing'. The screams of the guards and escaping people were also present in all this. The people managed to overpower the guards and tie them up with whatever they had on hand. "Alright everyone let's get going." Someone waved their hand, people started to shuffle out past us.
I sighed but smiled knowing that they didn't kill those people. I looked behind me at my two friends and smiled lightly as we followed the group.
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Hello there! I got paired up with you for the critique circle, so prepare to receive your first comment/critique. (first ever on Reedsy :P) Now, I'm going to talk about what you did well, what needs some work, and what you can do to fix it/make it better. I did take the liberty of reading Pt. 1 of this. I might get along to critiquing it, but most of what I have to say will be general, concerning your writing style as a whole. From what I can tell, you have a good sense of space and time, and your characters are well organized (concern...
Thank you very much!! I do like this comment because this is the type of stuff I wanna hear about the things that I write. But I really do wanna clear somethings up with you that I think are very important. I have never in my life -ever- really read a fantasy novel. I kinda based this book off of a video game since I am a fan of what they do. That's kinda(- not kinda) exactly why I used the same terms and all. (But, don't worry because for a different story I am writing -not on reedsy.- I did call the cat people something I created. W...
So, if you want to write fantasy, I cannot recommend enough that you READ fantasy. You can learn soooo much by just reading the same kind of stuff as you're writing. ;) Also, don't worry about being in high school--so am I. It's not about how old you are, but how long you've written, and with what devotion. ;)