snow

“Take it and do it. I know you can. I’m right here with you. Just do it. He has to go and you know that. Do it.” She was giving me orders.

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Back. The swing sounded terrible. Like the chains could break at any moment. The chains were old and had started to rust but still, we swung. Death didn’t bother us not now at least.

Forth. The eerie sound of the wretched torture device didn’t stop but we didn’t care. There was always a chance that we could fall out of the seat but we never cared. We felt free. Free even with the horrid sound blocking out any thoughts. 

There was no need for thoughts at that moment so we moved on because there was no need to waste time trying to control something that we simply couldn’t. There was no room for thoughts, not now at least.

In. The air was cold and it hurt to breathe but I still did it. Sometimes I didn’t want to but today I had to.

Out. Emptying out my lungs has never felt more freeing. 

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Done. It was done and we had done it together. He was gone now. I didn’t need to worry about him anymore. 

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“I would say that we are family now,” I said breaking the silence that had gone on for too long. We had been quiet the entire way here but I wanted to talk. I spoke despite the air constricting my throat making it hard to breathe. 

“Why would you say that?” She spoke easily like she wasn’t affected by the cold. She never seemed affected by anything. 

“After what we did, the title of being friends just isn’t enough anymore.”

“After what you did.”

“But we did it together.”

“We didn’t but we have no time for that now. Why would you use the word family to describe us after what happened?”

I stopped before replying. We did do it together. She was there and I was there. We had done it together.

“Because you are my family.”

“I can’t be your family and you know that.”

“But why?” She didn’t respond and I didn’t ask again.

She was my family and that’s what counted.

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Swings. Who wouldn’t stop at a set of swings after what we did? Of course, she wanted to stop. Why did she want to stop?

---------------

“Maybe we are family.” She spoke again in the harsh winter air. I called her Snow because that’s when I found her. She didn’t have a name that I knew of and she didn’t bother to correct me. 

“Why the sudden change?”

“Because I’m leaving now so I’ll leave with you knowing that we are family.”

“Why are you leaving me? After all of this.”

“Because I was never here. Do you remember the day we met?”

“Yes, I found you outside in the snow. You were outside of our classroom window just staring at me.”

“What else happened?”

“Why are you asking all these questions?” She had rarely talked but something was different now.

“Because I need you to know the truth before I go.”

“But I know the truth.”

“You believe you know the truth and that is where the problem lies,” She turned to look towards me with her hands around the metal chains that kept her seat suspended in the air, “I am not here but you are. I cannot be here, it isn’t possible. I was never here and I can never be here.”

And with that, she was gone. Just faded away into the air. She left me there all alone. In a world that would soon come to hate me if they found out what we had done. Because we had done it together. We were family now. We had to be.

I tried to cry but was disturbed by a sudden wet feeling on my hands. I looked down hesitantly and saw red. Everything was red.

The pure white snow that lay under my feet was now a bright crimson red.

The sky. The birds. Everything became red.

Blood.

His blood.

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Why did we do that? Why did she tell me to do it? Why didn’t she help?

---------------

Then he appeared. I was only able to see small, quick flashes of him before he left. I didn’t know how but he was there in the distance standing in the red snow.

I felt tons of emotions but mostly confusion and fear. Why was he here when he was supposed to be gone?

He was gone but only for a few seconds before returning but this time he seemed to be closer to me. 

Flashes of him appeared in front of me until he was so close I could feel his breath on my skin. He wasn’t supposed to breathe not anymore at least. Not after what we had done. 

More flashes and he was gone.

But before he left he no longer looked like him he looked like me. He looked like Snow but he wasn’t. Snow was gone and so was he. I had made sure he was gone after everything he did. Snow had always looked similar to me but I didn’t realize the resemblance until then.

“Father?”

---------------

“Bella please think about what you’re doing?”

“I have thought about it father plenty of times and this is what needs to happen?”

“Why do you keep looking back? Is there someone there?” 

Could he not see her?

“No, but that isn’t important now is it.” Maybe he saw her but didn’t want to be rude. Why would he care if death was the next thing to come?

“Bella- .”

That was his last word. I should have let him finish but what good would that do. This is what needed to be done. I was just doing someone else’s job for them with the help of Snow. I never understood why he didn’t see her standing behind me but I never questioned it. It wasn’t important enough to dwell on.