They call me naughty Nancy

St Olaf’s Parish Church, St Agnes, Cornwall

‘Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Alberta Joyce Nancy Ball, also known as ‘Nancy’ to her close friends.’

Sound of giggling

Helen thought she heard a snigger coming from the back of the Church. Surely not?! As she was sat at the end of the front pew, she thought she could turn her head without being noticed. At the back of the Church, she saw four very dapper elderly gentlemen. They all wore a single brightly -coloured feather in their lapels. Why do the feathers look familiar?

On noticing that his wife has becoming distracted, Tom gently squeezed Helen's knee and motioned his head towards the altar to get her to focus on the readings.

Reverend Campbell continued….'devoted wife of forty-three years to Roy, mother to George, Joan and Greta, sister to Norma and grandmother to five adoring grandchildren, Amy, Helen, Jo-Jo, Katy and James.

Helen looked straight ahead. She couldn’t look at her father or siblings or she’d completely lose it. She was determined to stay composed. She didn’t really know how she felt or how she was meant to feel. She just found it completely unsettling that her grandmother who she’d seen frequently since she could ever remember, was no longer physically there. As they’d gathered in her Granny's living room earlier while waiting for the funeral cars to take them all up to the church, she just couldn’t believe Granny wasn’t there. She’d lost great aunties and people she knew at Church but not one of her favorite people in the world. 

 ‘We shall start today with Psalm 23: The lord is my shepherd’ and as Reverend Campbell got to ‘Thou preparest a table before me.’ Helen’s mind wondered off to Granny’s kitchen…

‘Thanks, mum, for having her. We’ll be back on Monday to pick this squidge up. Just call if you need anything.’

‘Oh, don’t worry about us girls. I’ve got lots of lovely treats in store for this one. Have a lovely time you two, enjoy!’

Alberta had been more than willing to take her granddaughter for the weekend while her son and daughter- in -law enjoyed a rare weekend away. Alberta had suggested they hop on the train to London for the weekend and George had found a great hotel deal near Covent Garden. As she kissed George goodbye in the porch, she slipped an envelope in his hand. ‘I thought you two may enjoy this.’

‘Mum you shouldn’t have, this is amazing. I can’t believe you organized this.’

He pulled out two tickets to Cabaret which had recently been revived and was on at The Strand Theatre.

‘Right, you two better be off. You’ll miss your train. Have fun and ‘Don’t Tell Mama’ she sang as he ran out the door.

‘Granny, I love your singing. Ooh I love your sparkly necklace.’ Helen was so excited to spend time with her incredibly glamorous Granny.

‘Thank you, my darling. I thought we could have a spot of lunch and then make our first Christmas cake together?'

‘Yippee.’

Alberta had to have music wherever she was and with that she tuned into her favourite radio station which was full of music from the shows.

‘Oh, I do love this presenter. She has the most amazing laugh don’t you think Helen?’

‘She does Granny’.

Alberta scooped Helen’s long thick hair back into a ponytail and found a beautiful red piece of ribbon in one of the drawers to tie it back with.

‘Perfect, we have music, we have lights, and we have magic. We are almost ready. Now all we need are the ingredients. Ok my little assistant, would you mind finding the sultanas, raisins and currants in the larder?’

Helen squealed with delight. She loved baking with Granny and loved the performance that seemed to go with every baking session. She did a little twirl and opened the door to the cupboard. The larder smelt of all her favourite things and reminded her of all her favourite things. The dainty glasses they would fill with large scoops of jelly and ice cream.

‘Helen darling, if you pull the light, you should be able to see better. The currants are at the end of the larder on the lowest shelf.'

At the age of nine, the larder looked huge. As she pulled out the bag of currants, she noticed a brightly-coloured feather lodged underneath.’

‘Wow Granny look what I found.’

Looking slightly taken back, Alberta said ‘oh yes, I wondered what had happened to that feather. It was one of grandads. Right, next we need some treacle. Would you mind fetching that for me darling?'

‘Of course, Granny.’

On the right- hand side of the larder, Helen noticed when she lifted the can of treacle, there were a few beautiful sequins.

‘Granny, look what I found. They are beautiful’.

Looking slightly concerned Alberta asked trying not to sound shocked ‘Where were they sweetie? Goodness, I do need to be more organized. I know, we can always leave those for the decorations on the Christmas cake. And now we just need some almonds…’

‘Oh yes, I know where they are. I’ll grab those. At the back of the larder there were some shelves below the windowsill and on lifting the bag of almonds, Helen discovered a wooden box with a beautiful lady on it and a bottle and slowly opened to see what was inside. Maybe it was Granny’s dress up box she had mentioned so many times. Helen was convinced she had discovered an amazing treasure box. It was full of jewels, feathers and she slowly pulled out the most amazing headband which surely belonged to a princess. It was golden and full of pearls and on one side the most amazing golden feather.

‘Granny, you’ll never believe what I’ve found.'

Alberta felt giddy at the sight of her beautiful granddaughter adorned with her most precious headband.

‘You look like a royal princess. Where did you find that?’

‘Under the shelves at the back Granny. Please may I wear it?’

‘Well my darling, I’ll make you a deal. If you help me finish the cake, you can wear it while I prepare dinner and I will share a little story with you..’

‘Sweetie, are you ok?’

Helen realized her father was speaking about his mum and remarkably holding it all together.

‘As many of you know, Mum was such a giving person…’

Sound of Sniggering

Where was that coming from? She turned her head to see the same four gents at the back struggling to compose themselves. What on earth was going on?!

After Dad had finished his eulogy and everyone was weeping, including Revd. Campbell, he said a few brief words followed by:

‘Before we say our final farewells, Nancy’s family have asked me to invite you all to the community centre for some light refreshments. We hope to see you all there’.

Tom wrapped an arm around Helen and guided her out of the church.

After the burial, Helen and her family headed to the community centre and were greeted by so many friends from different social groups that Granny belonged to. Tom headed straight to the bar and came back with two very strong gin and tonics.

‘Thank you darling. I needed that. Did you recognize the four very dapper gents at the back of the Church? I couldn’t be sure, but I think they were giggling?’

‘Surely not. Oh, do you mean those old boys?’ nodding towards the corner of the room.

As Tom got swept up by lots of Granny’s friends declaring ‘hello handsome, why don’t you buy us a drink?’, Helen worked her way across to the corner of the room stopping to hug lots of friends and family members along the way.

Helen arrived in front of the gents, looked up with a smile and said.

‘Thank you so much for coming to Granny’s send off. I’m her granddaughter Helen. I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure?’

‘Goodness, you look just like her. Dosen't she Lionel?Absolutely beautiful.’

‘Well thank you. How did you know my Granny?’

‘So sorry young lady, we are Henry, Lionel, Gary and James.

Delighted to meet you.’

Lionel started ‘We are, how do you say, Nancy's groupies’

‘My granny’s groupies? I don’t understand. She wasn’t in a band.’

‘Well, no, she was a solo artist.’

‘A solo artist’ seemingly more and more ludicrous to Helen. ‘Where?’

‘Here, at the community center. She would entertain us every Wednesday.’

‘What! Granny played golf on a Wednesday.’

‘She may have said that to you all but she was here, entertaining us.' said Lionel.

'She did the most amazing set 'They call me naughty Nancy'. She looked divine and smelt divine and filled the room here with maybe 300 pensioners just like us before singing, dancing and telling jokes.' said James.'

'It was all I had to look forward to in the week apart from spam on toast.' said Henry.

'I thought I recognized your feathers', Helen said.

'We wanted to wear them in tribute to your beautiful Alberta or Nancy as we knew her. She adorned someone during her act with a beautiful feather and promised to have a drink with that person after the show. It dosen’t sound like much but a delightful conversation and laugh with a beautiful woman gave us such joy each week. She was such a treasure.' Henry added.

‘We’re very sorry for your loss but please know that our Nancy and her show were the highlights of our weeks. We have all lost our loved ones and don’t see much of our families, so Nancy was truly the light.’ Gary added.

Helen could feel herself welling up. 'That’s so lovely to hear, thank you.’

‘Would you like to come and join us one day for a drink here and we can show you some photos and a tape recording we have of her?’ Lionel suggested.

‘Goodness, that sounds amazing. I would love to.’ Helen accepted joyfully.