The little monsters that haunt us every night. Keep us away from feeling good. Induce guilt in our hearts. Once they are released, you can never take them back.
Lies are like bullets. When you pull the trigger, the bullet will fire. You cannot reverse your action. The bullet will strike your adversary. But sometimes, our hand slips, and we pull the trigger by mistake. Instead of hitting our foe, we hurt a companion.
I didn't mean to do it. I really didn't. I told myself these words every night in hopes of pacifying the pain. But it never worked. I was trapped in darkness. I wanted to make amends, but I just couldn't. I was ashamed. Ashamed of what I had done. And afraid that I wouldn't be forgiven.
As I sat on the pearl white chair in the balcony, I felt a burn in my chest. Guilt. I took a deep breath and looked ahead. The Sun was starting to set. Each ray of light started to fade away, leaving darkness. But soon, even dark sky started to glow. Minute dots of light filled the blackness. And soon the moon and the stars gave of radiant light. I closed my eyes. I was stuck in darkness. I hoped that one day the stars would come out in my dark sky and fill it with light. One day...
As the Sun rose the next day, I decided to go back home. To the place where it all began...and ended. I felt inane. Going back to the same place every single day. Hoping that I would meet her again. I knew that it wasn't possible, but I kept going back. It was as if my mind and body were attracted to it. They forced me to go back. Tears filled my eyes as I started to drive home. Home sweet home. Though it had turned sour.
My mind drifts through my memories and lands on that night. The last night of my happiness. Of my love. Of my sanctuary. Everything felt so real. I was back in the hospital. I heard the worried voices of nurses and doctors as they rushed through the hallway. The sweet smell of flowers clouded the air. I stood in front of the door, my hand gripped on the metal handle. Room 302. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I stepped away. I couldn't do it. I ran out of the hospital sobbing quietly.
I jolted back to reality. My hands tightened on the steering wheel. Why didn't you go in? Why did you have to be so apprehensive? My mind went against me again as it brought me back to that night. I felt the cool wind on my face as I raced out of the hospital. I took a seat on the wooden bench and closed my eyes. And there she was. She ran towards me joyfully, her long brown hair floating behind her. A large smile was plastered on her face as she sat next to me.
"Is mommy going to be okay?" She looked at me full of hope.
At that second, my mind pulled the trigger. The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them.
"She's going to be fine." I tried my best to smile.
On the inside, I crumbled. I knew that she wasn't going to be okay. I knew that I had lied. But I kept my mouth shut. Didn't say a word. My mind brought me back to actuality. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I gave you hope when there was none. I looked out the windshield and my eyes softened. I was home. It looked so familiar. The roof was still crooked, and the outside walls were still cracked. I stepped outside and felt the cool breeze on my face. It welcomed me home.
The door opened with a creak. The floorboards were still broken, and the furniture was dusty. The kitchen was bare, only a few utensils scattered around the counter. The rose-colored lamp had fallen over. I reached out and carefully placed it upright. As my hands touched the glass, I could feel the memories inside. I could hear the joyful laughter inside the house. The sounds of jumping and excitement. The voices faded away and soon it was all quiet.
The sofa was old but soft. I took a seat and rested my head back. I was home. But it didn't feel so warm anymore. It had turned into a cold dark place. As my eyes blinked back the tears, the soft creak of a door startled me. I abruptly stood up walking closer and closer.
She stepped inside. Her eyes widened as her eyes looked up at me. The pain stabbed me in my stomach. My hands dropped to my sides. She came closer.
"Vega." Her voice was soft but cold. It felt so abnormal. I hadn't heard it in years.
"Nova," I replied to her quietly.
We stood there. Standing so close, yet feeling so far. Her face turned angry but soon softened. Her eyes became blurry.
"You lied to me."
"I know I did. I'm sorry, Nova."
She raised her voice. "You gave me hope when you knew there was none!"
My voice broke. "I know. And I am so sorry. I shouldn't have. I should have told you that it was bad. I should have told you that mom wasn't going to make it."
She shook her head and covered her mouth. "Mom."
I stared at the ground. "She's gone. We can't do anything. But please forgive me, Nova. Do it for mom. It's what she would have wanted."
She stares at me. "I...I forgive you, Vega."
We start to sob as we embrace each other. I rest my chin on her shoulder.
"I love you, sis." She holds me tighter.
"I love you more."
For once, in the dark sky, I finally see specks of light dotting the darkness. And soon, the radiant glow fills the sky. I see the stars. I have escaped the darkness. Finally, I am home.