Genesis

"Give it up. Eventually you will fold under my weight."

Great. He's back. Just what I needed on this already stressful night. I roll over from where I had been trying to rest my eyes. On the small coffee table a couple feet from where I lay, a mound of white powder sits. It's been waiting for me to accept it. I will not.

I am Genesis. I am the new Beginning. A demon is talking to me. I will now break the chains, the pattern of my dying family. For far too long, this same demon has nabbed hold of my relatives and has claimed them as his slaves. I refuse to follow the same path. Instead, bearing my teeth and sharpening my nails, I will take the offensive. This demon will not conquer me.

"I will not allow you to enter my body," I proclaim boldly, glaring at the white line that has been presented to me. I stand from my bed and let out an angered growl.

I know I have a chance to make it out on top. Before my mother passed away, she named me and blessed me with her final breath. She knew I would turn my back on the substance that ended up taking her life force away. She believed that I would overcome. Cocaine does not scare me. He does not interest me. He is a slave master. He will not claim my life. He will never permanently take the pain away. I will not be his next concubine.

"Don't you want a more simple way out, something that could make you float to worlds unknown?" The powder taunts me as I pace hard in my cramped bedroom. He believes I will submit under his sweet voice, his extending claw. Little does he know, my healthy mind is set.

My brothers chose to allow him into their homes. He has now made their own minds his cozy abode. They are now zombies, people who allow themselves to be controlled to feel pleasure for only a moment. What a sad way to live. Many nights I cried for them. I prayed they would escape. Sadly, they have forgotten how to function without that powder running through their system.I realize that I will never have them back. Now, that same substance dares to speak to me.

"I do not need a way out," I confess aloud to the demon that continues to pester me, taking a seat on the edge of my full sized bed. "I am comfortable with who I am now. Why do you just assume that I need saving?"

Who am I? Why does addiction want my soul as well? The coke whispers louder in my ear as I close my eyes to let go. Even now, after fighting all day, he continues to woo me closer on one of the worst nights of my life. My anxiety is out of control some days and I am out of medication. I feel so lightheaded. So, here he is trying to be the perfect substitute. But I know his true intentions. Life is not easy and it never will be. Life is cruel. I know that. Growing up around only bad examples has been a constant struggle. I must think of the good even still. Though darkness may rampage through the night, the morning will come and dispel all shadows. I believe that with all my heart, my heart that is swelling at the moment.

I push back against the urge to be weak. Slamming my fist against the sheets, I spring back up to my feet.

"I hate you! You will not fool me, even for a second."

Why is it so easy to fall back? I keep feeling the stare of that dreadful creature on me.

"I will love you," Cocaine promises. "I will make you feel like no one can touch you. Only my touch will satisfy you."

He claims he will love me, huh? What even is real love? And who ever said I need to be satisfied? He promises he will take me to the very top. At the top, the promise land, he swears he will always keep me by his side. I wonder how many times he has used these same lines on my other family members. But answer this: Why must I strive for the top? I will not be the very best. I will instead break that tradition as well. The top spot will no longer be the most precious. Why not become the middle ground? It may sound absurd, but please, give me a moment to explain. Think of an even plain where all types of people can reach with just a few steps forward instead of up. Everyone has their own struggles. That is an absolute truth. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am not the only fighting off a demon. Making it to the top requires flying, right? I do not want to fly. I want to stay grounded. I want to be rooted in something that will never disappear. When the white mound is gone, I still want to have my mind.

"I choose life, Cocaine."

I stride slowly over to the line of drugs waiting for me.

"I choose me over you. My life will amount to something more. It will shine past all the sorrow that has piled around me for years and years. I will be a light. I will be a prophet. Can you believe that the moment I first opened my eyes, I had a choice? We all do. Why would you not choose to try? No matter what, I know I can be what I want to be. As long as I have this precious mind of mine, I can device a plan. I can concoct a new reality."

With that, I blow hard on the powder mound, scattering every last grain of coke around my room. I can no longer feel that demon's awful presence.

"Goodbye disaster. Goodbye addiction. I have defeated you by not needing you."

I am Genesis and I will now begin.