Here we go again...

James skipped happily down the staircase, heart thrumming with joy at the dinner table awaiting him, his friends and family members seated and gathering food for themselves. The day before, he had won the national high school spelling bee, and they all decided to throw him a surprise dinner party as a congratulations. Seating himself at the head of the table, he felt like he was floating. So much awe and love surrounded him -- he could feel it in his bones. The table held a multitude of different goodies, each dish looking better than the next, and James’ mouth watered in anticipation as he loaded his plate with as much food as humanly possible. 

A girl across the table looked at him shyly, and he winked at her, mustering as much charisma as he could. Her name was Jenny, and she had approached him during school gushing about how cool it was that he knew so many big words, and how to spell them. He laughed and nodded along with her, and realized that this could be his chance to get himself a girlfriend. Imagine his surprise when he found out that she had a hand in arranging his surprise party! His train of thought was halted when his father tapped a spoon against his water glass, successfully hushing the conversation in the room. His dad turned to look at James’, the pride in his eyes embarrassingly clear.

“Son, I always knew you were going to do great things. The pride I feel right now is stronger than anything I have ever felt in my life, and I’m so grateful to you for placing it there.”

He coughed a bit, choking on his emotions.

“Enough about me. How about you put those big words you learned too good use, and give us a small speech?”

Apparently not going to take no for an answer, his dad sank back into his seat, blissfully unaware of how James had gone completely pale, and of how his heart had dropped into the pit of his stomach, his floating mind unceremoniously shoved back into his body.

“Um…I don’t know..” He stuttered. 

“Oh, do it James! Let us hear you speak!” Jenny giggled joyfully, batting her eyelashes at him. James wondered how it was possible to like someone so much and then want to shoot them with laser eyes the next moment. 

“Yeah James, come on!” His best friend, Matthew, cat-called from his place half way down the table. “Impress us with your fancy mumbo-jumbo.”

James rubbed his hands on his jeans, wincing when he saw that the gathered moisture left hand-prints on the light denim. He stood up slowly, and felt sweat trickle down his forehead when all eyes turned to him. It felt like each gaze carried the heat of a thousand suns, and he would have been surprised if any of them couldn’t see the light sheen on his face. He cleared his throat, then coughed. Then cleared his throat again. But the dreaded raspiness that it would bring his voice felt like it wasn’t going away.

Screw it. He thought. Take it easy. He started talking.

“So…um. Hi. Yeah…hi. Let’s start with that.” 

He cleared his throat again. Someone coughed.

“So…thank you. For all of this. Really, thanks. Alot. Um.”

Matthew raised his hand.

“Aren’t you supposed to be a spelling champion? C’mon man, big words.”

Or maybe Matthew hadn’t actually said anything, maybe James was hallucinating and this entire scene was playing out in his head. He tugged on his collar. Why was it so hot? He laughed, a strained chuckle which in his head sounded more like he was gasping for air.

“Right. Big words. Yes. Um. Metabolism. No wait…” He had suddenly forgotten how to talk. All the fundamental roots of basic English disappeared from his brain.

“I…I am very happy that you all are here.”

Awkward silence. James wanted to curl up into a ball and sink into the floor. Or maybe launch himself into outer space. Whichever would have been more peaceful. He cursed himself for not preparing for this beforehand. Even though he hadn’t even known the party was happening. His brain was breaking down, he couldn’t even blame himself properly. Why wasn’t he talking? Anything to cover the erratic heartbeat that he could feel in his ears. He opened his mouth again. Nothing came out. He licked his lips and tried again.

What came out of his mouth wasn’t what he wanted. 

He squeaked. 

Loudly. 

Then he looked around in a daze.

“Is the room spinning for anyone else?”

The last thought that bloomed in his head was Finally, I actually got a few sentences out this time.

He woke up in a familiar hospital room, his dad sitting on a chair to his left, and his mother with her arms crossed standing next to him. They rushed over to him as he sat up. And his mom cupped his face in her hands.

“Honey, you were doing so well, what happened?”

He shook his head. “I’m just glad I got through a few sentences this time. You remember the swim team incident? Out like a light before I even started talking.” They all shuddered at that shared memory. His dad rested a hand on his shoulder.

“You need more practice, I keep telling you. Don’t go straight to talking in front of crowds, just try to perform a speech with yourself in the mirror.”

James sighed. “I can’t believe that I can spell words like cantankerous in front of thousands of people, but I can’t talk in front of my friends and family. His dad grimaced.

“Speaking of…I hope you weren’t attached to that girl, Jenny, who helped with the dinner. She split only a minute after you passed out and none of us have seen her since.”

James groaned, hiding his face in his hands. His voice came out muffled.

“There goes the fifth one. This stupid passing-out-when-I-talk thing is getting really annoying.” 

His mother took his hand “Forget about her, she doesn’t deserve a sweet, smart, caring boy like you. Now let’s go home and practice again. Maybe we can get you to speak in full sentences next time!” 

James nodded wearily and let his mother drag him out of the bed. As they walked out of the hotel room, he looked back at the bed. See you the next time I try to speak in public.