Dawn

"Reborn, but what a splendid word, don't you think?". I said to Dawn, my sunrise watching companion, as I slid the tires of the wheelchair onto the balcony of the hospital room to watch the sunrise for the last time. 

"Imagine being reborn again at this precise moment with all the wisdom gained in the past. My dear Dawn, this is the feeling I have as we idolize the beautiful sunrise before our eyes. You see, for me the meaning of sunrise is more than just a glimpse of the sun on the horizon, it is more than rays of sunshine warming up the weather before going to the beach. Sunrise represents HOPE, it consists of knowing that after the darkness of the night, light will come out to enlighten no matter what. It is being aware that the tints of dawn in the sky reveal a new beginning for every human being, a new opportunity to improve, knowing that everything that happened yesterday will remain in the past. The sunrise is a symbol that demonstrates to me regardless of how dark the road is, if one is patient, the light will always come. Just seeing you smile is my perfect sunrise my dear". 

I knew I didn't need an answer from this wonderful being, a simple smile from those ruby lips with glistening pearls was enough for me. I adore her intense reddish eyes, which during the day are as powerful as fire and just by looking at them they ignite my entire being. Her radiant golden curls, which during the day shine like gold and as the night approaches their color slowly darkens until it loses all its light. I am fascinated by how that radiant hair falls so gracefully to her shoulders, brushing her cheeks every time she moves. She always wears a light blue pearl necklace that looks like the infinite ocean, I never asked its meaning, but the contrast it creates with her skin is extraordinary. It seems as if this necklace was made for this piece of art standing in front of me that captivates my being. 

My reverie towards this marvelous figure was cut short by a loud knock on the door, indicating that it was time for me to take my medication. Gently moving my eyes, I wanted to say goodbye to Dawn, but when my gaze reached the stool on the balcony, she was already gone. The only thing I was left with was a beautiful view of the sea with waves crashing on the shore. I slowly stretched my throbbing right arm out to the thruster rings to finally start my day.

I have been struggling with Guillain-Barre syndrome for ten months now and gradually I feel my whole body going numb. First my legs started, then the numbness went up little by little, but hope is the last thing that dies, however I told my doctor that the moment I became totally paralyzed I wanted euthanasia. I am very satisfied with my life, I made the most of my youth and did not waste a second of it. Many people say that there is only one life, but in reality, life is every day, what is only one, is death. With that being said, I can tell my time is coming; I feel the tingling incessantly in all the limbs that are still working. The wheels glide across the smooth floors of the room towards the bathroom, every second I spend in motion I hear the creaking of my bones begging me to give them a rest from all this effort. 

Over time I learned to appreciate life, even if it is very complicated for someone like me, immobilized. I can't feel my legs, my spine is stiff, my arms are heavy and I can barely move my neck. All I long for at this moment is to be able to stand up and take a peaceful shower without the help of anyone or anything. Without hesitating any longer, I make my last attempt, slide the tires of the chair slowly over the tile floor towards the shower. The tingling in my right arm is unceasingly uncomfortable, but I still manage to turn the handle to feel the scalding water brush my face. The first drops fall slowly on my forehead, slide down my face and fall to the remaining limbs creating a path where the rest of the water will flow. As I close my eyes, the only thing that comes to my mind is Dawn with those golden curls and haunting eyes, it seems as if her figure was carved by the gods. I lose track of time, but as I look down at my fingers I can tell that I spent a long time here. I take three deep breaths to return to calmness, one... two... three... and slowly turn the handle to stop the burning water from flowing out. Above it there stands a red button with four very familiar letters in my life HELP. I gently press the button and wait for my nurse, Flora, to arrive to help me get dressed. 

As the clothes slowly slide down my limbs, something strange happens, I no longer feel any part of my body. I try to move my neck, but it is useless, I am totally immobilized. Flora begins to feel my despair, but there is nothing she can do to stop those tears from falling unceasingly on my face. They fall one after another, there seems to be no end. I feel burning in my eyes, pressure in my chest, it's hard to breathe, I start to choke, there is no one to save me from this pain, I just wish I had my beloved Dawn by my side.

The magic of a starry night is something immeasurable. My piece of the sea from the window, the eternal sea, the waves reach the shore and sound like an enchanting melody to my ears. I still remember a few months ago my doctor telling me about my condition while I watched the beautiful waves brushing my toes. That moment is what brought me here, that day was when I decided that what I wished for was euthanasia if I was ever to be totally immobilized. As if by coincidence a flash of light passed before my eyes, that spark of faith that fills my heart with joy. Without wasting any more time I raised my head, closed my eyes and said aloud "My beloved Dawn, tomorrow at sunrise take me by the hand and entwined your body with mine I will fly by your side every day towards an endless infinity". The words came through my lips so naturally, it seemed as if my spirit was ready to leave my body and begin a new journey. The melody of the waves played in my head as I fell into a deep sleep, soon peace would come and my soul would finally be free. 

Melodious chirping of beautiful birds wakes me up, the sun will rise and finally the pain will come to an end. Finally my eyes open, to the right is Flora with tears sliding down her cheeks. Dr. Hill stands to the left with a look full of sorrow, I can see all the material ready. My eyes move to the stool in front of me and there she is, looking more dazzling than ever. The calmness that her presence brings me is unexplainable, I feel that every day she saves me from infinite darkness just by smiling and staring at me. I try to speak, but no sound comes out of my mouth, just a shaky breath, it seems as if her beautiful figure has stolen my tongue. Slowly she moves closer to me, I feel her hand gently brush against mine, she holds me while the injection flows slowly through my veins. I look at her face once more and in a very gentle whisper I tell her "I am ready to go with you, take me to where time never tires of waiting, where there is no pain and I can be by your side forever". Dawn smiled at me and I felt how my soul was gently detaching from my body, to fly to her home, my new home in this new journey, the sunrise.