Len Mooring

“When is a You, a You?” by Len Mooring

Submitted to Contest #70

At one time if it should ever have fallen upon my shoulders to be put to the wheel, I would have hoped they are not sagging in lassitude as they were at that present time signifying defeat. The circumstances for their sorry state were, I guess, too ordinary in a lot of cases but in my own, unusual. I had endeavoured to live an exemplary life, one of restrained boredom as commented by one of my acquaintances. But in this instance, I had failed miserably, but lifted the spirits of the aforementioned individual. I had been accused of a lar...

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“With the Best of Economic Intentions.” by Len Mooring

Submitted to Contest #67

Reedsy hasn’t deemed it necessary to give us a ‘Satire’ category yet. I guess satire mainly appeals to the disillusioned that have had the scales fall from their eyes to rain down to their feet like Autumn leaves. This little effort below is crass and uncouth, and I had fun writing it. ************************************************************  I think I should be able to put one over this prick. He’s not a prick really, - he’s my friend. He says he is a businessman, yet spends half his time coaching kids. He must have some ulte...

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“Murder to Come.” by Len Mooring

Submitted to Contest #67

He was struggling, but it was no use. There was a familiarity to the man being attacked, I couldn’t quite place him, but I knew I had met him at some time. The assailant plunged the knife into the man many times in his frenzied attack. Then stepping back, he let the mortally wounded man sink to the ground. Seemingly complete with his task, the attacker turned and let the knife fall to the ground and stumbled away. The scene faded before my eyes and once again I knew I was witnessing what would be, not what is now. But this time I was motivat...

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“The Sad Little Prince.” by Len Mooring

Submitted to Contest #66

Once upon a very long time ago, a very good but very mad macho king, with his beautiful queen, had a son. The son went full term, but at the popping-out time, weighed only 2 pounds, and 2 and one-quarter ounces.  The king immediately decided against circumcision, because of the weight factor, his son needed that quarter ounce. It was bad enough his kingdom was the smallest kingdom that ever existed, but he now had a son that seemed to be tailor-made to eventually rule it.  The king, had upon witnessing this tiny morsel of humanity,...

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“A Problem with Four Wives.” by Len Mooring

It was not the best of times; in fact, it was the worst. I espied three of my wives sitting together in the window of a café that I sometimes drop in for a double shot latte. I was on the verge of achieving a set-up that I thought would carry me through to the end, or at least until my old ‘John Thomas’ wouldn’t respond to a beckoning smile.   They were not squabbling like I would have thought would have happened in this situation if I had worked it out logically. What’s more, they were laughing. Yes, genuinely laughing. Not the ty...

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“Unionised Halloween.” by Len Mooring

Submitted to Contest #65

“You’ve got to be kidding. A union for ghosts; I don’t believe it, and a closed shop union to boot? Get out of here.“No, I don’t mean ‘Get out of here.’ It’s an American expression for ‘I find it difficult to duplicate the intention or statement you are conveying to me.’“Jesus Christ, to use another expression I’ve picked up from the many streaming programs that litter the airwaves, you must be familiar with these ‘low class’ expletives to express disbelief. However, to get back to the original point, you’ve got to be kidding, a ‘closed shop...

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“Halloween at Midnight.” by Len Mooring

Submitted to Contest #65

Bobby and Jimmy were destined to be bosom friends. They were born on the same day from families living on the same street. Bobby arrived seven hours earlier than Jimmy by stint of a delivery in which he popped out as easily as an orange pip being squeezed between thumb and forefinger. Whereas, Jimmy led to first contraction but made heavy weather of it in the final straight to the exit or finish line. Both had healthy lungs as demonstrated after receiving a hefty smack on the arse from an old-fashioned doctor. The doctor in question thought ...

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“The Return.” by Len Mooring

Submitted to Contest #64

“Jesus Christ, piss off, Mike. You’re dead. Okay, I’m scared. If you are here to haunt me, I don’t care. In fact, you are being a bit of an inspiration to me. Here’s me saying that Man comes from Mud and goes back to it and you show up. Half a mo,’ let me just check if the street I’m standing in, including you in your insubstantial form is just a dream. Ouch, I’ve just jabbed myself and you’re still here. “I said ‘Piss off,’ I apologise, that was just a reaction to cover my guilt at what I did to you, no matter you deserved it for stuuping...

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“The Little Girl and the Ghosts.” by Len Mooring

“Are you shy? You don’t have to be scared of me, I’m a little girl. My name is Felicity. As you are a ghost you may not be too surprised when I tell you that I’ve been a little girl for 176 years. I just don’t grow up. You can’t call me a ghost like you, because I’m substantial, solid, well, more solid than you, so come out and talk.” “I’m not scared, I didn’t want to scare the bejesus out of you. My name is Josh, by the way, you know, biblical parents.” “Do you think you are the only ghost here, Josh, well you’re not? I’ll call up ...

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“A Witches Brew.” by Len Mooring

Submitted to Contest #64

“Come on girls, let’s have some order if we are going to get through this in one night. Ermintrude, how about you sum up the last 200 years and a possible Witch itinerary for the next spell? Hah, I should watch my terminology, I didn’t mean a literal spell, but the next couple of hundred years. I would also like you to spell out - there I go again - to elucidate how you were able to survive the ‘Ducking Stool’ fiasco? Our younger members of the last 150 years wouldn’t have encountered this little blip on our radar. "At least we were belie...

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“Evil is as evil does.” by Len Mooring

Submitted to Contest #64

“Brush them aside. Sod ‘em, they’re plebs, anyway. If they were any good, they’d not be bloody plebs.”These were some of the first words that ‘officially’ issued from the lips of the newly elected member to the ‘halls of political wisdom,’ namely; parliament.Of course, he knew his people, that is; he knew his immediate ‘help-mates’ that would seek to guide him if he ever sought to ‘go off the rails’ to an ‘irredeemable’ position. But, they were ‘children to him.’They needed kind words; pats on the head from him; but above all, they needed co...

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“Farewell sinners, I go to paradise.” by Len Mooring

Submitted to Contest #62

“Why would you think I would miss this world as it is when I have the chance of emerging into a world of artificial intelligence and rationality? I have been posed this question many times before and it surprised me that it even had to be asked. Just look about you and tell me that this world is ruled for the benefit of the majority of its inhabitants. What is spent on armaments in one year would feed and house the destitute almost in perpetuity. We make cluster-bombs and cruel and despicable explosive devices that can be picked up by childr...

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“Trying to Forget.” by Len Mooring

Submitted to Contest #61

Trying to Forget."Well, well, well. It's J. I missed you for a few lifetimes, did you get the Messiah bit out of your system?"You better believe it. I thought it would be a doddle and a giggle, but it was anything but. All I wanted to do was to say a few sensible bits of advice and they started to read all manner of stuff into it."“Par for the course, J, and no hearing aids at that time, so bound to be mishearing. What's your name this lifetime, I take it it's not Jesus again, is it?""You kidding? It's Bob, and I'm definitely not going the M...

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“Paradise Screwed.” by Len Mooring

Submitted to Contest #61

Paradise Screwed.   “What little I know of it, Voldu, it would have been an era I would have loved. Diverse people mostly getting on with each other. In the broad sense, I mean. They would have squabbled, but that’s what family’s should do. Anyway, I’m sure I would have loved it. Peace and harmony is all very well, but we don’t step out of line at all, in fact, I don’t think I could. I’m sorry they’re gone. I, we, could have done something.”  “It wasn’t an era, really, Seebu, it was a civilisation of sorts. It didn’t las...

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“Slaughterhouse 6 Million.” by Len Mooring

Submitted to Contest #61

Slaughterhouse 6 Million. It’s irrational, I know, but he gave off an odour which took me back to the camp. Perhaps I just recognised him and I created his smell that stopped me in my tracks. The person in question looked very distinguished and indeed was heralded as a paragon of virtue and as an example to us all. But that is not how I remembered him. I was eight years old and confined to the Belson Concentration Camp when he took the whip to my mother. It was possibly inadvertent as far as he was concerned, it just happened to be...

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