Fantasy Drama Speculative

“Jesus Christ, piss off, Mike. You’re dead. Okay, I’m scared. If you are here to haunt me, I don’t care. In fact, you are being a bit of an inspiration to me. Here’s me saying that Man comes from Mud and goes back to it and you show up. Half a mo,’ let me just check if the street I’m standing in, including you in your insubstantial form is just a dream. Ouch, I’ve just jabbed myself and you’re still here.

“I said ‘Piss off,’ I apologise, that was just a reaction to cover my guilt at what I did to you, no matter you deserved it for stuuping my wife. I mean, how could you? You had hot and cold running women chasing you all over the place. Were you trying to get back at me for something? If it was about the take-over, that’s just business? You were such a stupid prick when it came to business I’m surprised your family left the business to you, anyway. If you’d devoted the energy you expended getting women in the sack, you could have been in the Fortune 500. Why did you have to notch up my wife on your belt?

“Look, can we call it even, now? You banged my wife, I banged you. By the way, is she with you? I can’t see her around here. Do you think she’s off banging some other ghostly figure. It’s okay, I can forgive her now I’ve evened the score. Tell her that if you see her, will you?

“Where do we go from here? My shaking has calmed down, I’m getting used to you in your twinkling finery. Don’t they give you special dresses to wear, you know, kind of unisex garments? What you are wearing now, I was used to, but not with the glistening all over it? I shouldn’t wonder if you are starting to make out with all the ephemeral damsels around your new place if you stick to form.

"You certainly don’t say much. However, I guess that’s my fault, I start to be a bit garrulous when I’m nervous. Are you here to tell me you are going to haunt me? If so, then I’d better find one of these ‘holy-rollers’ to listen to my woes and how you deserved what I dished out to you. You realise you have a chance to apologise to me now? I’m listening! Can’t you speak? Or, do you think you have nothing to apologise for? I can tell you categorically, you do!

“Okay, okay, when I reflect upon it, I suppose I was a bit severe, but Susan deserved it as well, didn’t she? I’d kept her in luxury and she didn’t have any wants did she? Okay I was away most of the time, but that’s why if there is a God, he gave us fingers for you know what, didn’t he?

“Is this going to be your play, muteness? Are you just going to hover there and try to intimidate me? I think not. Employ the artifices you use around women and see if you can make some sort of impact upon me. You are quite disappointing me, I thought you would have been a bit more resourceful than this. At least, let me hear you groan so I’ll know what to expect. I’m running out of things to say? See, just being with you makes me critical. You really will have to buck up your ideas, if you are here to taunt me.

“I’m assuming now that you have gotten over the Hot-Tub shock by now? Oh, shit, maybe you didn’t realise it was me that did it? Maybe you are not here to haunt me at all. Forget it, I was only kidding. When these old hotels try to put modern-day appliances in, they sometimes forget to upgrade the infrastructure to go with it. Bad luck old chap, I was only kidding before. What’s a little screwing among friends? It’s not like you purloined her delicate little ‘love-box,’ it was still there. Maybe a little over-sized, going by all the accounts I’ve heard about you; but still usable.

“So, am I going to see you tonight, or what? I think you owe it to me purely based upon our past association. Yes, you may be a bit bitter about business, but you’ve got to admit you were piss-poor at it. I didn’t take your name off the door until the last moment of demolition.

“See, even now you are not holding up your end of the conversation, what has happened to you? You’ve been over your side of this whatever it is for a least a week, surely you are used to it by now. Are you lonely? Did you think I might know where Susan is? Don't worry about it, there must be millions of your over-sexed counterparts where you are, seek them out, or have you gone all forgiving-like and are here to bless me rather than haunt me?

“Look, you are starting to bore me now, cast your eyes upon this machine. What you see before you is the prototype of the new Tesla Roadster high performance car. Only a few are going to be made. It’s got compressed air in the back of it to propel it faster, and I’m told it will get up to 100 kilometres an hour in 1.6 seconds.  I want to find out if that is true. If it is, I’m going to order two, one for me and one for my next wife, whoever she is. So please, will you remove yourself so I can get started with this.

"Even though you show up here in your ghostly form, I don’t feel inclined to just barge straight through you. If you are waiting for an apology from me, then I apologise. I’m a magnanimous sort of fellow, as I think you well know, so I’ve apologised and will you please get out of the way. 

“Oh now you are trying to talk to me, it’s about time. For God’s sake speak up. What’s that you’re saying, you are not Mike? Then what the fuck are you doing here? Piss off, I want to see if this baby is all it’s cracked up to be.”

October 21, 2020 00:52

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Molly Leasure
08:37 Oct 23, 2020

Haha I love the ending! Honestly, your narrator is a ripe ass, haha, but in a weird way he's charming because of it. This format was interesting, I never would have thought to try something like this! But it worked really well for your story and the plot came through really well. Also this: "You banged my wife, I banged you." had me howling with laughter. Snarky little shit, he is. Love him. Wonderful work :)!


Len Mooring
05:24 Oct 24, 2020

Thanks very much, Molly for your comments, snarky little shit indeed.


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Lina Oz
18:14 Oct 21, 2020

Love the perspective here; you have a way of demonstrating dialogue between more than one person despite only one speaker here. Also, love the humorous and sarcastic aspect of this piece. Made me laugh in several places. Excited to read your work, as always!


Len Mooring
20:35 Oct 21, 2020

Thank you, Lina. We need satire as a category, it's a glaring omission.


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