Fred Aiken

“Untitled” by Fred Aiken

After you hear my problem, you might not think it’s a problem. But I can assure you, it’s a problem. You see, whenever I go to do laundry at the local laundromat, I somehow get distracted and start having sex with strangers.  At first I thought this might be good luck, and that somehow I had one the genetic lottery of being attractive enough for women to continuously sleep with me. But after about the tenth time of trying to go to the laundromat with no such luck of actually completing the task of doing laundry, I’ve come to the conclus...

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“Untitled” by Fred Aiken

For the past four nights Ryan had dessert for dinner, and he knew he shouldn’t do it again. Something about being an adult and on his own for the first time in his young life screamed poor impulse control, and he wanted to live out his childhood dreams of eating ice cream and cookies for the rest of his life. But he also wanted to be healthy, look attractive so that Sarah, his classmate in chemistry, would say ‘yes’ to his request to grab a cup of coffee. And most of all, Ryan didn’t want his roommates to rag on him about being an adult chil...

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“Untitled” by Fred Aiken

Submitted to Contest #31

His wife told him to get diapers. She gave him no other instruction. It seemed simple enough, and he had no qualms helping whenever he could, since he left his previous job a few months back and started a new job with more hours, more stress, and unfortunately no parental leave time off. He didn’t mind working twelve hour days and coming home to relieve his wife who already felt ill-equipped to handle a newborn by herself and so she went in and out of mood swings. “It’s just down the block.” “Are you sure you don’t mind going to get diapers?...

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“Untitled” by Fred Aiken

Submitted to Contest #31

Paul’s music choice for his ride home from work was a religious experience. Whatever track he decided to play came as a direct result from his day of calling clients, listening to his coworkers tout the benefits of l-theanine, and a series of conference calls and meetings with men and women in overly starched clothing. Those first thirty seconds from when he left his office building to his car involved a series of prayers, meditations, and ultimate decisions about how his day played out. Nina greeted him with a professional smile, which mean...

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“Untitled” by Fred Aiken

Bynx ended up in the washer when Yaelin went to do a load of darks and didn’t see her cat’s green eyes poking out of her green bra, and Bynx did not know she needed to panic and get out of the washer before it started up and the water and soap started to fill into the small compartment that got even more cramp by the second as the cat became more and more drenched from soap water covering the dirty clothes. No matter how many times Bynx screeched out for help, Yaelin couldn’t hear because her routine was to immediately jump in the shower whe...

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“Untitled” by Fred Aiken

Submitted to Contest #29

The watch gave him the ability to glimpse into the future, though he typically could only see small bits and pieces, nothing world changing or any of that crap. Instead, he used his watch to see which sports team would win in the next couple of hours, or what stock price might go up or down the next market day. Typically, he could only use the watch in order to benefit himself.  A couple of times he thought perhaps he was being too selfish and should share his watch’s ability with someone else, like a friend or relative. He told his unc...

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“Untitled” by Fred Aiken

Submitted to Contest #29

“I don’t think I like you.” “Unfortunately, you don’t have a choice about who your parents are.” “But that doesn’t mean I have to listen to you drone on about whatever it is you’re going on about.” “No, I think it does. It’s either listen to me or stay grounded.” “You don’t have that sort of power over me.” The child stabbed at the food on her plate. She flicked a few pieces of broccoli that landed on the table. Her head began to hurt and she knew a headache was coming on. “I need to go.” “You can’t.” “I would disagree.” “I know you would di...

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“Space Desert 101” by Fred Aiken

Submitted to Contest #8

We crash landed about eight months ago. It’s only an approximation because I’ve lost count of the days. The crew split up the first time someone mentioned cannibalism casually as if were an option. None of wanted to become the next textbook Donner Party.  Now I spend most days discovering new species to observe their main form of sustenance, and then I typically mimic them by eating whatever they couldn’t finish. The lizards know where all the good stuff is. There are a couple of mammal-looking creatures that are covered in hair and te...

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“Dessert First” by Fred Aiken

Submitted to Contest #7

The first sentence I remembered about food from childhood was, “You can’t have dessert before you eat dinner.” It was a parental conspiracy to ensure I filled up on vegetables, grains, and protein ever before I took one look at any modified, baked, refrigerated, molten form of sugar. I resented the hell out of anyone that ever said I couldn’t have my cake and eat it too. So the plan was simple: when I turned eighteen and my parents unleashed me upon the world with a fervent passion for corn syrup, frosting, and baked goodness, I would invers...

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