Brian Bywater

Author on Reedsy Prompts since Jun, 2022

Stories (27)

27 Stories

495 karma pts

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“For the Want of a Nail” by Brian Bywater

Submitted to Contest #160

FOR THE WANT OF A NAIL The Ancient Mariner said ‘Water water everywhere and all the boards did shrink, water water everywhere nor any a drop to drink. How can that be? I hear you ask, well the reason is not what you think. The tap came off in the kitchen the one over the washing up sink  Stupid, stupid me!! I had nothing to do with killing an albatross yet here I am spending valuable time making up a poem about an absolute disaster in my own home. It was the thought of the boards shrinking that did it. Polished wood floors and water...

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“The Root of all Evil. Money. Really?” by Brian Bywater

Submitted to Contest #159

The Root of all Evil, Money. Really?? “Has the jury reached a verdict?” the sombre baritone voice of Judge Percy Edgeware echoes through the deathly silent courtroom. “Yes, and no your Honour.” “I do not recall offering that as an option Mr Foreman. Please explain.” Judge Percy is mildly amused by the response, only mildly. Humour is not his strong suit. “We, the Jury, believe the accused certainly did the crime. However we do not think it was her fault.” “Then your verdict is guilty as charged, you cannot have it both ways Mr Foreman.” “W...

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“There is Nothing Funny About Murder” by Brian Bywater

Submitted to Contest #158

There is Nothing Funny about Murder  The Sixth Sense Some days have a way of enforcing you should not have decided to get out of bed. From the time his office door opens, admitting a man he would come to know as Joseph H Pomeroy, TJ Scobie is overwhelmed by the recognition, this is definitely one of those days. His sixth sense engages the high alert setting as soon as the man asks, “Is this the office of TJ Scobie the Private Detective? Bit small isn’t it? More like a broom cupboard.” Two months ago TJ parted with a considerable s...

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“Green statistrically not Good” by Brian Bywater

Submitted to Contest #157

Green, statistically not Good I regret doing it, I am aware striking a Politician is frowned upon. I have apologised, just give me the opportunity to explain Officer. My job was the cause. Without that none of it would have happened. At least that is what I tell myself. Over and over again I attribute it to that one thing, until I almost believe it to be the truth. Why anyone asked for the statistics related to green eyes bothered me from the outset. I am a Statistician working for a Government Department, a Department principally design...

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“SPOT THE DIFFERENCE” by Brian Bywater

Submitted to Contest #157

SPOT the DIFFERENCE I am not jealous, I am envious. Jealousy is when you worry someone will take what you have. Envy is wanting what someone else has. What I feel is envy. Homer Simpson. “You are not jealous Jeannette. What you are is envious.” “There is a difference?” “In this case, yes. You are not jealous of Martha, but you are envious of the fact she moved into the house next door, the one you originally wanted to buy.” “I think I am both. Can you be both at the same time? Martha is much younger than I am, I am envious of that ...

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“My Hippocampus is not Working” by Brian Bywater

Submitted to Contest #156

My Hippocampus is not working. Don’t you remember Eric? I do not remember an Eric. Of course only you could put that down to my having a  selective memory. You are saying he was the one who beat me at Chess every time we played. I’m sure only George could ever beat me in those days. My memory of ever actually playing Chess against an Eric escapes me. Is it important?  I do not care one iota if he is now a Grand Champion. OK Grand Master, you still are a stickler for absolute correctness. That is something that hasn’t changed ov...

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“LIE LIES and DAMN STATISTICS” by Brian Bywater

Submitted to Contest #156

LIES LIES DAMN the  STATISTICS “You are wrong. It is an urban myth, it did not actually happen that way.” “That shows how much, or how little would be closer to the truth, you do know. I spoke to Roland yesterday, He should know, he owned the crocodile farm we are talking about.” “You are telling me Roland Somerville agrees with the version you insist on repeating ad nauseam. What you have to understand is Roland has never told the truth in his life. If you grasp that fact, you might just change your opinion. The ‘couldn’t lie str...

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“The True Meaning” by Brian Bywater

⭐️ Shortlisted for Contest #155

The True Meaning “You interrupt everything. You cannot help yourself can you? A simple story I am telling about watching one of the most famous Baseball players ever, and you have to interrupt. You know somewhere between little and nothing about the sport. Have you ever watched a game? Answer no. So when I tell you that I think Joe DiMaggio’s  sweetest swing was around about two years before he retired, I do not need you to tell me the phrase I should use is ‘swings and roundabouts’  One has nothing to do with the other.” “Touchy...

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“An ASSESSMENT of TIME” by Brian Bywater

Submitted to Contest #154

AN ASSESSMENT OF TIME “We are running out of time Jed.’ “No Marcia, we are not. The Bank does not open until ten am. The Manager does not arrive until ten fifteen. By then we are fully set up waiting for him to open the main safe so we can make our withdrawal. It has to be the main safe. The smaller one the head teller opens does not have enough cash. I explained all of this in detail before we got here.” “I know. What happens if he is late? We could run out of time.” “What is this fixation you have with time? Do you realise just ho...

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“NOT RELEVANT” by Brian Bywater

Submitted to Contest #154

NOT RELEVANT It is definitely time to take some affirmative action and I know exactly what I will do, I’ll sit him down and talk to him about my concerns. Perhaps if I run through it my mind I might be able to anticipate his objections. Oh and doesn’t he have a way of directing the conversation. How will I begin? Let’s try this to grab his attention. Can I talk to you? I mean really talk about a subject for a change without you turning the conversation into a litany of ‘it’s all about you and what is going on in your life’. Can we do that...

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“HATCHETS and PEACE PIPES” by Brian Bywater

Submitted to Contest #153

HATCHETS and PEACE PIPES  “Well well!! The last person I expected to see darkening the portals of my home was you. What brings you here after all the years? And before you ask the answer is no, I will not lend you any money. Actually from past experience the meaning of the word ‘lend’ is not within your grasp. It means you have to pay it back." “I’m not here to ask for money.”   “What then?” “We are both getting to the twilight of our lives I think it is time to bury the hatchet.” “What do you mean we should ‘bury the hatch...

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“The Eyes Have it.” by Brian Bywater

Submitted to Contest #152

I can see it now but it wasn't always that way. My mother, rather than shower me with the necessities of life, handed down an hereditary corneal dystrophy. My father, whose biggest achievement was meeting Queen Elizabeth in 1954, put my eyesight problem down to masturbating far too often. As my eyesight problem was evident at age two, it became obvious the genes passed down included his own masturbation excesses. Little did either of them realise, eyesight was to provide me with two events of major significance as I journeyed through wh...

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Shortlisted 1 story ⭐️

Contest #155
The True Meaning – read story