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Contemporary Funny Fiction

My Hippocampus is not working.

Don’t you remember Eric?

I do not remember an Eric. Of course only you could put that down to my having a  selective memory. You are saying he was the one who beat me at Chess every time we played. I’m sure only George could ever beat me in those days. My memory of ever actually playing Chess against an Eric escapes me. Is it important?

 I do not care one iota if he is now a Grand Champion. OK Grand Master, you still are a stickler for absolute correctness. That is something that hasn’t changed over the years.

An iota? Don’t you know anything? It is only the ninth or tenth letter of the Greek alphabet, the ninth I think because it relates to I, which is the ninth letter of our alphabet.. Used in a sentence it means ‘very little’.

 Why use it? Oh very droll. Not for the first time you are being deliberately obtuse. ‘Very little’ is the meaning of iota, so you saying it is pointless using it is just another example of you trying to appear superior. It is not funny. You are not funny.

 I do not give a tinker’s cuss if Wikipedia says it’s the tenth letter. They are wrong. Not the first time either. It is definitely the ninth.  I thought I already explained that. Do you ever listen?

How do I know what a Tinker is? Tinkering is your specialty. All I can assume is Tinkers apparently used to cuss a lot. It’s the same as cursing. Today’s version would probably be something like ‘I don’t give a fuck’. I prefer to say cuss.

No, there is no evidence it was one of his curses the Lady of Shallot suffered because she ‘didn’t give a, I won’t say the word…’, but I do see how you could relate the two.

How would I know if they ever met before? My best guess is perhaps he was mending one of her looms. I believe that is what Tinkers do, they fix things. Why he would put a curse on someone who was paying him to do a job, is something someone, far wiser than I, could possibly answer.

Can we please get back to Eric? You have me wondering now. Where did I play him?

At school? It goes that far back? There was an Eric in junior school I played the game of Chinese Checkers against. Could you have it confused with Chess?

Is whether he beat me important? To be perfectly frank I cannot recall ever winning. If he is the Eric you are talking about I can tell you he cheats.

No. I am not changing my name to Frank Perfectly. I only recall him cheating at Checkers, not Chess. I still don’t remember playing him at Chess. We were only six at the time. Does this Eric you keep mentioning cheat at Chess? Is that how he became a Grand Master?

Yes I agree, if there is one game it is difficult to cheat at, Chess would be my choice.

Stop it, you are doing it again, deliberately misunderstanding.  I would not cheat at Chess, or Checkers, I do not now, or have ever in my memory chosen to cheat at anything.

Well everyone does on their Tax return. I am no different in that regard. I bet Eric would be a candidate for Grand Master at Tax cheating.

I have every right to assume his attitude towards Tax evasion was nurtured from his early days cheating at Checkers and Chess. In today’s world anything one does wrong as an adult is caused by events in their early childhood. Eric was a cheat by the age of six. I rest my case.

At least you got that right. My days as a lawyer are well behind me. What about you, still on the trail of criminals?

Well Eric did not appear to be of any significance in my life so my memory of him is obviously buried deep within my Hippocampus.

Hippocampus is what you thought I said because Hippocampus is exactly what I did say. Repeating it tells me you have no idea what I am speaking about. Had you any idea of the meaning you would have made a joke of asking if it is a University for Hippopotamuses? Hippo…..Campus.!!!

Oh where’s your sense of humour. It’s only funny if you say it isn’t it?. The plural is definitely Hippopotamuses not Hippopotamai. Look it up and while you are checking my spelling you might like to learn what it means. Preferably not on Wikipedia though.

That is exactly what I have been saying all along. If I did have any memory of an Eric playing Chess it would be in there, in my Hippocampus. The fact I cannot remember him means he does not exist in my memory.

It is a very small possibility it is in there, but will not come to the forward part of my Hippocampus. Yes

Good for you. Your sense of humour is back. Yes an ‘iota of possibility’ fits the bill in this case.

Not a Bill who. I will ignore that. Let’s stay with Eric. It is a well-known fact that once you have learned something it stays in your memory. You cannot unlearn something once you learn it.

You may be right. It may well have been Plato who first said it. As you say it could also have been a Tinker for all I know. I cannot argue with either supposition because I have never been told.

Once again you are asking questions I cannot answer. Perhaps Plato was a Tinker when he wasn’t writing poetry. A lot of people work a second job. I don’t think it is only in recent times that happens..

Now you understand. There is a God after all. Yes, if it is not in my Hippocampus I would not be able to recall who first said it.

Please do not start on the God thing. It is purely a saying, I wasn’t intimating either way whether there is, or is not, a God. What I will admit is I do know more on that particular subject than I do about Eric and his prowess at Chess

 I know that is what I said about God. I’m sorry. Can we at least agree or disagree on whether my Checkers playing Eric is the same Eric who cheated at Chess to become a Grand Master?

Oh it’s you Nurse. Is it time for my medication?

Of course you heard talking. Do you think I talk to myself? Someone named Eric, claiming to be a Chess Grand Master, is going to visit hoping for a game of Chess.



No, there will be no point in playing. He would win anyway. I have never played the game. And apparently he cheats.

July 29, 2022 03:17

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