Remembering Those Who Brought Us Happiness

Walking into his apartment, the young man sets a small bag down on his kitchen counter. He stands around 5’10 with short red hair, green eyes and a lean muscular build. He fidgets with the bag for a while before wiping his sweaty palms on his legs and opening it. He removes a ring box which he carries into the living room. Settling onto a blue suede sofa, he sets the box on the coffee table and sits. Sits and stares at the box like it is radioactive.

He stands and paces the living room while looking back at the ring box. He toys with his phone and begins to dial. He does not finish and instead puts it back into his pocket. He leaves the room and the ring box.

In the bathroom, he washes away the sweat that has beaded on his forehead and upper lip. Patting his face dry with a gray towel, the man looks into his blue eyes and takes a few calming breaths. Finishing in the bathroom, he leaves and heads towards the living room and the ring box.

           Reaching into his pocket, he removes the cell phone and prepares to dial again. It rings suddenly startling him and causing him to drop the phone. He picks it up hastily and answers.

           “Hi, lover, how’re you?” He asks into the phone.

           After a moment, he says “Yes, I know that.”

           He listens to the caller.

           “I will send in my audition.”

           He pauses for a minute.

           “I know that I’ve dreamed about doing this.”

           “What are you talking about? I do to make decisions.”

           He waits a moment.

           “What does that have to do with anything?”

           He pauses for an answer.

           “Of course, I love you.”

           Sweating again, he runs his free hand through his hair nervously. He begins pacing and glances at the coffee table. Finally, there is a break on the other end.

 “I don’t understand what this has to do with my audition tape.”

He pauses again to listen.

“OK, we don’t have to talk about it now. Yes, call me later. I love you.”

Ending the call, he sets the phone on the table. He walks to the kitchen and folds up the bag putting it away in a drawer. With face twisted in consternation, he prepares a sandwich and glass of water. He carries them into the living room placing them on the coffee table next to the ring box. He sits down and grabs the turkey and cheese sandwich, takes a bite, and chews slowly.

The phone rings and vibrates skittering across the slick wooden surface. He glances at the face, sees unknown caller written there, and chooses not to answer it. Instead he continues eating his sandwich in between sips of water while he relaxes. There is a buzz signally that the caller left a message.

 “Hey. Alexa, play jazz,” the man yells.

Light jazz starts playing from the speakers arrayed around the living room which further relaxes the man. He finishes the last few bits of his sandwich while listening to it. Picking up his water glass and plate, he carries them into the kitchen and rinses them before placing them into the dishwasher.

He returns to the living room and picks up the phone touching the voicemail icon. He listens to the phone message which elicits a look of surprise. He listens to the message one more time still wearing a look of shock. He sets the phone down slowly and sits there staring at it.

He gets up and picks up the ring box opening it. It contains a solid gold band with three diamonds set in a triangle which shine bright in the sunlight from a nearby window. While running his fingers through his hair, he closes the box and walks away from the table and his phone. He crosses to his desk and pulls open the top left draw where he tosses the ring box.

 He returns to the phone with a determined look on his face. He picks it up and touches redial. Swallowing nervously, he listens to the phone ring.

“Hi, It’s Jack. Is this Peter?”

 He waits for a response.

“Yes, I was surprised to hear from you. How did you get my number?”

Another pause.

 “Oh, Jane, yes we’ve kept in contact since school too. What’s going on?

Jack sits down on the couch.

“I do remember that.”

He listens to Peter.

 “I know we never did go sledding that Christmas break.”

Peter says something else spurring Jack to laugh a little, then ask, “You want to go sledding tomorrow? I don’t know. Aren’t we kind of old for that?”

Jack listens for a moment then speaks, “Ok, Peter, if it’s that important to you, I’ll meet you at Lebanon park tomorrow morning.”

“Ok, sounds good. Take care,” Jack says in farewell and ends the call.

It is a clear winter day and the sun reflects brightly off the snow. Jack pulls into the park’s parking lot and looks for a spot. It is busy today with other people out sledding too. A sudden movement attracts his attention as a kid shoots out form behind a minivan causing Jack to slam on his breaks. A woman runs after her waving and mouthing sorry to him. He smiles and waves back before continuing to a spot.

He leaves the car and walks around the field between the lot and the hill where sleds are coasting down the side. Mindful of where the sled tracks are to avoid being run over by one, Jack climbs up the side of the hill with all the boot prints. He crests the top and sees a man around his age standing alone apart from the families there. He is a little taller than Jack with a stocking cap pulled down to his ears. He is laughing and smiling while watching the littlest kids scream in delight while coasting down the hill.

He turns towards Jack and is undeniably the same kid that Jack grew up with only bigger and more handsome. The same cute smile with the dimple in his cheek. Jack finds it impossible not to smile when he approaches the other man.

“Hey, Peter” Jack says sticking his hand out and taking Peter’s for a shake.

“Hey, Jack,” Peter says smiling and clasping Jack’s hand.

“It’s been a while.”

“Yes, about ten years I’d say.”

“Yes,” Peter says with a sad smile, “Time goes by so fast. It’s almost impossible to hang on to it.”

A little confused looking Jack asks, “What do you mean?”

Peter looks at him silently for a moment then says, “Never mind that. Let’s sled.”

“Ok!” Jack says enthusiastically.

Peter sets up the toboggan at the top of the hill and climbs in patting the space in front of him. Jack climbs into the toboggan and settles in allowing a little space between him and Peter. Peter reaches around and takes a hold of the steering rope then hands it to Jack who clasps in it his gloved hands. Peter wraps his arms around Jack and pulls him closer. Jack stiffens a little in nervousness.

“Relax,” Peter says into Jack’s ear. “This will keep us warmer, and you know it is safer to keep our weight centered.”

 Jack relaxes a bit into Peter’s embrace and puts his legs to the side and drags the toboggan towards the downward slope. They start to slide and Jack pulls his feet back into the sled. They begin their descent picking up speed as the two lean into the forward motion. Smiles bloom on their faces when they really begin to get going, and the men are soon laughing. Jack seems to have forgotten that he’s steering and barely remembers in time to steer around a teenager who bailed halfway down the hill. They manage to avoid a collision but hit a rough patch of snow.

The toboggan nose gets hung up in the snow and the whole thing twists around to the side throwing Jack and Peter unceremoniously out of the sled. The two find themselves in an uncontrolled roll the rest of the way. After rolling a couple of hundred feet, they land at the bottom tangled in one another’s arms and legs. A few feet away stands a man and a woman with angry and surprised looks on their faces. Peter sits up laughing and unaware of the spectator’s stares. Jack is smiling ear to ear and untangling his legs from Peter’s.

“Watch where you’re going faggots!” Yells the man.

Face clouding with anger Peter ceases laughing and stands up to confront the man, “Shut the fuck up asshole!”

A ten-year boy in a red and gray snow suit standing nearby yells, “Yeah, shut the fuck up asshole,” while his parents stand proudly by nodding their agreement.

Jack takes Peter’s arm and says,” Just leave it.”

“No, that was rude.”

“Yeah, that guys an asshole. You guys have fun sledding. We’re here if you need us,” calls the young boy’s father.

“Thank you, sir,” says Jack smiling and waving.

Peter continues to stare angrily at the man who yelled at them. Jack takes his arm again and motioning to the hill says, “Well, shall we climb back up the hill?”

Peter nods and grabs the steering rope and begins pulling the toboggan behind while he and Peter walk up the hill. They both wear identical unhappy looks as they trudge up the hill, but Peter’s mood seems to lighten greatly by the time they reach the top. He sets the toboggan down and adjusts the steering rope inspecting the mechanism to ensure that nothing happened to it in the accident.

Jack’s phone rings. He removes it from his coat pocket and looks at the display. With a smile, he answers it, “Hi, lover, how’re you?”

He waits a moment listening. His smile fades a little.

“I told you that I was coming sledding today with an old friend. I..”

He stops interrupted and stands quietly. His face set in a blank expression. He shifts from foot to foot and looks at Peter who pretends not to notice. He paces away while still listening to the other person.

Finally, having a moment to break in he says,” I understand that you’re upset. I’m going to finish that audition video. Look, can’t we talk about this later?”

He pauses.

“I’m just going to sled a little longer with my friend, Peter, and go home.”

He listens again.

“I love you too.”

Jack disconnects the call and walks back to Peter. Peter for his part still wears a warm smile as if nothing bad happened a few minutes ago. Jack finds himself unable to resist smiling back at the handsome man.

“Is everything OK?”

Jack shakes his,” Nothing to worry about now.”

“Is your boyfriend mad that we’re here together?”

“No, he wants me to audition for a commercial that his company is making. I’ve been procrastinating on making the video.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“Fear mostly.”

“You always seemed pretty brave to me. I mean. You came out in grade school.”

Jack nods but stands there quietly.

“Well, at least you remember that you still love each other at the end of your disagreement.”

Jack smiles sweetly and says, “Yes, I definitely love Juan.”

“When are you two going to get married?”

Startled by the questions Jack looks at Peter then down and notices that he has removed a glove. On Peters hand, is a large bruise which covers nearly the entire hand. Wincing Jack walks over and cradles the other man’s hand.

“What happened here?” He asks with concerned eyes.

“I bruise easily these days.”

“That happened just now?”

“Yes, I probably have a lot more bruises on me elsewhere.”

Jack looking even more concerned, “Oh really? I’m so sorry. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

Peter takes back his hand and puts his glove on then places a hand on Jack’s shoulder saying, “It was an accident, and I bruise easily these days.”

“Why is that?” Jack asks still concerned and now curious,

Peter hesitates and tuns a way a moment. When he turns backs, he wears a sad smile. He says, “I have cancer. The chemo treatments make me bruise easier.”

“You have cancer?” Jack asks with surprise. He then notices what he was not seeing earlier. The slight yellow tinge to Peter’s skin, the dark circles under his eyes and the bald head that his stocking cap covers. Jacks eyes tear up with the news.

“Yes, and I’m afraid the treatments aren’t working either. I probably won’t see another winter.”

Now tears are trickling down Jack’s checks, and he turns away a little. Peter still wearing the same sweet sad smile stands there. Around them, families are loading onto sleds and sounds of laughter and screams of joy fill the air. A cloud passes over the sun momentarily darkening the snowy hill.

“Is that why you asked me here today?” Jack asks finally.

“Yes.”

“I don’t understand what the point of this is then. I thought we were renewing our friendship.”

“I’m sorry, Jack. I just…” Peter trails off.

“You just what?”

“When they told me that I wasn’t going to survive this, all I could think of was all the people in my life and the things left undone. I made a list of people that I felt added beauty and happiness to my life and committed to thanking them and saying goodbye. When I thought of you, I knew that we had to do this.”

“Why?”

Surprised Peter says, “Because you asked me to sled in junior high, and I didn’t’ show up.”

“Oh,” Jack says quietly,” you remember that part?”

“Yes, all I could think of is you standing here on top of this hill with your toboggan alone waiting for me.”

“You were there,” Jack says with surprise. “I thought that you didn’t come that day.”

“I did come, but when I saw you there with that one toboggan, I got nervous. I thought it was a date and didn’t know what to say.”

Jack stands there a moment with indecision plainly written on his face. Peter waits expectantly. Finally, breaking the silence Jack admits, “It was a date. I liked you a lot.”

“I know, Jack. I could tell and when I didn’t show for sledding, you stopped talking to me as much. “

“I’m sorry,” Jack says.

“It’s ok. I know that I hurt you and always wished that I had just gone sledding with you that day.”

“So, you called me yesterday to go sledding.”

“Yes, I decided that I wanted to say goodbye to certain people in a meaningful way and hoped that you would agree to come. You find that your regrets weigh heaviest on you at the end of your life. So, here we are.”

“Here we are, “Jack echoes with tears drying. He spontaneously reaches out and clasps Peter in a tight hug which Peter returns. They stay that way for a moment neither moving to break the connection.

Peter whispers in his ear, “Promise me that you won’t let anything you might regret pass you by Jack.”

“I promise Peter,” Jack responds without hesitation.

“Good,” Peter says breaking the embrace and stepping away with hands on Jack’s forearms. He nods to the toboggan, “Shall we?”

“Yes, definitely, “Jack responds smiling, “But I think you should drive.”

They both laugh while they get on the toboggan again and take off down the slope.

Jack sits at his desk watching a video of himself talking about a new product being offered by a national company. He smiles to himself while watching the video, and at the end, he wears a proud and satisfied expression. He composes an email and attaches the video to it. After reading the email and correcting a couple of grammatical errors, he hits send and leans back in his chair with his hands behind his head.

He starts humming a happy tune and gets up from his chair to go check his phone which sits on the charger by his bed. There is a new text from Juan.

“Hey honey, I’m going to be working late, but I wanted to say thank you for submitting that audition video. They loved what you did for the last product and look forward to working with you again. Talk to you soon. XXOO” Juan writes.

Jack smiles and responds with a kissy face emoji and unplugs his phone. He returns to the living room and sits down on the couch. Before him on the table, lays a prayer card. He reads Peter’s name, and his eyes mist up a little. Sighing he picks up the prayer card and carries it over to his desk. Opening a drawer, he finds the ring box and removes it, after one more look, he replaces the ring with Peter’s prayer card.

He walks into the kitchen and to his refrigerator where a business card is held on by a magnet. He grabs the business card with the hand holding the ring box and dials the number from it with his thumb. He continues to hum happily while listening to the phone ring.

“Hi, yes, I’d like to make a reservation,” he says into the phone.

He pauses.

“It will be for two tomorrow evening,” he says. Then he asks, “Can I have 6 PM?”

He listens to the answer.

“Great”

Another pause.

“What’s that?”

He listens to the person on the other end again before responding, “Yes, it is a special occasion. I’m proposing to my boyfriend.”

The voice on the other end responds sounding excited.

“Thank you, yes, I’m very nervous.”

He pauses again.

“Perfect, we’ll see you tomorrow at 6 PM. Take care.”