Spring Break in Nebraska

From: Levi Jones <420itstimetoroll@gmail.com>

Sent: Friday, February 7, 2025 7:44:39 AM

To: Professor Reyes< sreyes@smallvillecommunitycollege.edu>

Subject: Agree to Disagree about Dwight (Sociology 100, section 54072)

Dear Professor Reyes,

First of all, your last lecture on meme culture totally resonated with me. I think memes are an awesomely underrated way of expressing emotions, especially for people like me who don’t really understand their emotions and definitely don’t like to use a lot of words.

Speaking of memes--what if I submitted my poster project, using only memes? Talk about meta!

Anyway, let me know if that is cool with you. Because if it isn’t, I’m going to need to ask for an extension. And maybe a list of acceptable topics because I don’t think you liked my last idea about how watching the third season of The Office could count for “understanding the sociological perspectives of marginalized populations.” I thought I presented a strong case that included visuals of how unfair everyone was to Dwight, and I was more than a little offended when you called him an arrogant twit. But I am here to learn so I hope you can steer me in the right direction.

Thanks,

L-dog

From: Professor Reyes< sreyes@smallvillecommunitycollege.edu>

Sent: Monday, February 10, 2025 7:44:39 AM

To: Levi Jones <420itstimetoroll@gmail.com>

Subject: Re: Agree to Disagree about Dwight (Sociology 100, section 54072)

Dear L-dog,

Thank you for reaching out. First, I would like to confirm that you are now going by L-dog. If that is the case, I will update my roster to reflect that L-dog is your preferred name. Do your pronouns remain the same?

I am glad that my meme lecture resonated with you! My department chair was opposed to adding this to my syllabus as he thought it signified “the decline of intellectual communication.” I don’t need to tell you that society must adapt to the changing cultural zeitgeist.

As much as I respect your jumping on board with meme culture, the poster must reflect original ideas. Unless you think you’ll be able to come up with twenty original memes in the next twenty for hours, you will need to submit your poster as per the original guidelines.

I am sorry you disagreed with my thoughts on Dwight’s misogynist behavior. While we must consider pop media within the culture in which it was created, the goal of this assignment is to elevate our thinking beyond the trite labels and expectations that toxic masculinity has placed into our collective conscience. L-dog, I have faith that you can do better.

I look forward to seeing you at tomorrow’s poster conference.

Inclusively yours,

Dr. R

***

From: Levi Jones <420itstimetoroll@gmail.com

Sent: Saturday, March 8, 2025 11:22:04 AM

To: Dr. Handley < mhandley@smallvillecommunitycollege.edu>

Subject: Class on Wednesday (Introduction to Law and Society)

Dear Dr. Handley,

I am sorry I missed class earlier this week, due to circumstances completely beyond my control. I am convinced that after you read my statement of facts, you will agree that my reasons for missing class are totally valid.

Through no fault of my own, my car broke down last week and if I’m honest, is still sitting in the Jack in the Box parking lot. At least I was able to get it out of the drive through lane! Anyways, when I left my apartment to go to class on Wednesday, I looked everywhere for my car, like for ten minutes, and was totally freaked out that someone stole it! There is a lot of crime in my neighborhood—maybe we should talk about that in class. I went back inside to call the cops, but then my roommate reminded me my car was still at Jack in the Box-duh. He thinks it might have been towed by now. Anyways, he doesn’t even have a car so couldn’t help me—again, not my fault. I tried to get an Uber but I have a kind of low score, I guess, so nobody accepted my ride. That seems kind of discriminatory, don’t you think? You’re the expert—do you think I have a case? Okay, so by then, class had already started and when I looked at the bus schedule I saw that the next bus wasn’t for another hour. So as you can see, I totally tried to get to class and it truly wasn’t my fault that I couldn’t make it there!

I think it’s pretty clear based on my rock-solid case that I should be excused from class.

By the way, I know I haven’t turned my position paper in yet, but I’m thinking now that I’d like to write it on my Uber discrimination! Is it too late to change my topic?

Oh, and sorry it took me a few days to email you. My laptop is in my car (that's still at Jack in the Box or in some tow yard) and I ran out of minutes on my cell plan. So I couldn't even call to find out where my car is! I kind of forgot to pay my bill and I'll admit, that one is on me.

Respectfully,

Levi

From: Dr. Handley< mhandley@smallvillecommunitycollege.edu>

Sent: Monday, March 10, 2025 8:17:50 AM

To: Levi Jones <420itstimetoroll@gmail.com>

Subject: Re: Class on Wednesday (Introduction to Law and Society)

Dear Levi,

Thank you for stating your case regarding your need to miss yet another class. However, you have presented conflicting information that renders your explanation suspect. As you may recall, at the beginning of the semester, you asked to “run home real quick” so you could grab your favorite pen (even though I’ve seen you taking notes on your laptop, typing quite noisily, as a matter of fact). You said you lived less than a block away from campus and would be “back in gnat’s ass!” Against my better instincts, I granted your request and you were indeed back nearly immediately, emitting an odor that some might describe as marijuana-esque. You then stated that you hadn’t actually gone home because you found your pen in your shirt pocket when you high-fived me during the middle of my lecture.

Unless you have moved or sustained a mobility issue that precludes you from getting to class, your case for excusal has no merit.

If you have in fact moved, you will need to update your records in the college database so I may confirm. Or, if you have sustained an injury, please visit our Disability Department so they can inform me as to which temporary accommodation(s) might be needed to help you access the curriculum.

Unfortunately, the position paper you referenced was due two weeks ago. As I recall, you had to miss class that night due to the need to take your “childhood” rabbit to the emergency vet to treat her bladder infection. I wasn’t aware that rabbits had such a long lifespan! I do hope Ms. Hops-a-Lot has recovered.

Please come to my office hours so we can work out a plan for you to make up your missed work.

Legally yours,

Dr. Handley III, Esq.

***

From: Levi Jones <420itstimetoroll@gmail.com>

Sent: Wednesday, March 26, 2025 7:44:39 PM

To: Professor Livingston< jlivingston@smallvillecommunitycollege.edu>

Subject: My History paper (History 100, section 22390)

Dear Professor Livingston,

I’m sry to bug u so late, but I’m hvng a hard time finishing my paper thats due tmrw. U prbly won’t beleve this, but I was tkng the trash out this mrng and ran into a skunk! He came out of nowhre and well, u know, sprayed me! Im ok, but my rmate wont let me back in the house. Sry for any typos, Im using my phone to write this and i dont thnk i’ll be able to write my whole paper on my phone! Could i pls have a few more days?

Thnk u,

Levi Jones

From: Professor Livingston< jlivingston@smallvillecommunitycollege.edu>

Sent: Wednesday, March 26, 2025 10:21:08 PM

To: Levi Jones <420itstimetoroll@gmail.com>

Subject: Re: My History paper (History 100, section 22390)

Dear Levi,

I am sorry that you had an unfortunate encounter with a skunk. I hear that tomato juice works as an effective means of odor eradication.

In the meantime, I encourage you to request that your roommate bring your laptop to you so you may work outside. Perhaps there is a protected outdoor area you could work under, as I believe it may freeze tonight. I expect that the uncomfortable conditions will help you reach your concluding thoughts more expeditiously.

Especially since students were encouraged to submit their drafts last week to get a head start (and you failed to submit one), I’m afraid that an extension is not an option.

Best of luck!

Professor Livingston

***

From: Levi Jones <420itstimetoroll@gmail.com>

Sent: Saturday, April 12, 2025 10:24:32 AM

To: Admissions and Records <a&r@smallvillecommunitycollege.edu>

Subject: Withdrawing from my Spring 25 classes

To Whom It May Concern,

I am submitting this petition to request an excused withdrawal from ALL of my classes this semester. Due to some pretty crappy circumstances, I have been unable to complete the required coursework or attend the minimum number of classes. I tried to explain all of this to my instructors, but it doesn’t seem like they have completed empathy training, and it almost seemed like they didn’t believe me! I was super honest and have been doing my best to only party on weekends (except for Thirsty Thursdays) and even followed the rules not to use AI to write my papers. I mean seriously, literally everyone else I know uses ChatGPT and I don’t get what the problem is. That’s like telling someone from the 1900’s that they can’t use a dictionary!

My challenges, along with not being able to use AI, caused me TONS of stress, to the point that my parents have decided it would be best for me to spend time at a facility, so that I may work on my mental health and overall well-being. The place they want to send me doesn’t allow outside communication, so I wouldn’t even be able to finish my favorite online class, The History of Satan. That is a real bummer because that is the one class I was passing!

If you need me to submit additional proof, please let me know. I can send you copies of the texts I sent to my parents—those will prove how the world seems to be against me this semester.

Thank you for your consideration.

Levi Jones

From: Admissions and Records <a&r@smallvillecommunitycollege.edu>

Sent: Monday, April 14, 2025 3:17:02 PM

To: Levi Jones <420itstimetoroll@gmail.com>

Subject: Re: Withdrawing from my Spring 25 classes

Dear Levi,

Thank you for taking steps to address your academic challenges this semester. We have reviewed your petition and couldn’t find any actual reason that you weren’t able to complete work or attend classes. Unless you have documentation besides texts with your parents, we are unable to further process your request.

We recommend that you cease attending Thirsty Thursdays and put your efforts toward completing your work. We further advise that you switch your grading option to Pass/No Pass; your 1.5 GPA can’t afford further assault if you wish to bring yourself out of academic dismissal.

Respectfully,

Admissions and Records

***

From: Levi Jones <420itstimetoroll @gmail.com>

Sent: Monday, April 15, 2025 11:16:11 AM

To: Sendmoneymom!< ljones@gmail.com>

Subject: Don’t Hate Me

Hi Mom,

Look at me, emailing you instead of texting! See, I do listen to you. And I’m awake before noon, double bonus! Anyways, I am super sorry, but I won’t be coming on our family trip to Nebraska after all. I know you already bought my plane ticket, and I promise that I will pay you back (if you still want me to, even though I’m not coming). The deal is that my Sociology professor is giving us extra credit if we attend this talk at the International Skateboarding Museum in Ventura over spring break. I totally wouldn’t go, especially cause I’m not into skateboarding that much anymore, except I kind of actually need the extra credit. I promise that I’ll show up to the family reunion this summer—I’ve always wanted to visit Phoenix in July!

Thanks Mom, you’re the best! Tell Dad that the Yankees still suck and my Giants are coming for him!

Levi (your favorite son)

***

“Oh my God Rick, you won’t believe what your son said this time,” Lisa said, stifling a laugh as she reread Levi’s latest email.

“It’s my son, now, is it? I don’t have any actual proof that he’s my son,” Rick responded playfully.

“Oh, he’s your son, alright. Remember all the nonsense you used to feed me when we were dating? Apparently it’s in his DNA--this kid is the master of subterfuge. He claims he can’t come to Nebraska cause he’s attending some Skateboarding Museum for, get this, extra credit in Sociology! What in God’s name does skateboarding have to do with Sociology?”

“He is following my number one rule of bullshit, though. Make the lie so over the top that no one will question it. Gotta give him props for that,” Rick countered, pride evident in his voice.

“Oh, do you mean like the lie we told him that we were taking a family trip to Nebraska for spring break? I can’t believe he actually thought we would expect him to go to Nebraska to visit family—no offense Aunt Sara,” Lisa said, smiling at their deviousness.

“Yeah, the joke’s on him when he finds out we’re actually taking everyone to Maui!”

“He’ll be so bummed when we all go to Maui without him. Even Levi won’t be able to talk himself out of his ridiculous Skateboard Museum excuse,” Lisa responded ruefully.

“I mean, maybe this will be the lesson that gets him to stop making excuses for everything, to finally start telling the truth.”

“I don’t know, Rick, that’s a pretty harsh lesson. You know how much Levi talks about wanting to go to go to Hawaii someday. Maybe we should we just tell him, put him out of his misery.”

They continued to waver, never once considering that their tactics were the direct cause of their son’s inability to tell the truth.

All jokes and deception aside, it had been their dream to one day splurge on this family trip to Maui. Especially now that Levi was away at college and they only saw him a few times a year; this would have been the perfect opportunity to have this uninterrupted time with their entire family.

Lisa and Rick now realized their Nebraska trip ruse had spectacularly backfired, driving Levi further into his excuse-making, avoidant ways.

After nearly an hour of trying to find ways to trick Levi back into the “Nebraska” family trip, they realized the protégé had surpassed his mentors in this game of deception. Rick and Lisa came to the startling conclusion that the only remedy was the obvious one, the one they should have been teaching Levi all along.

But there was one huge problem: Levi wouldn't recognize the truth if it hit him in the face, slapped him around some more and clocked him with a final sucker punch. He'd still be standing there, rewriting the narrative.