Warm Hands, Warm Hearts

Warm Hands, Warm Hearts

Tw: Slight mention of swearing

~

I was never really looking forward to the ski trip. My father was the one who had told me to go, along with my so-called friends, that took pleasure in pulling other boys’ shorts down in the changeroom. They were mature like that. But the main reason I didn’t want to go was that Felix would be there. I was nervous to see him again after I’d ended our friendship under my father’s orders. We’d only recently become friends again after a copious amount of snow had blocked our chalet door. That had been five days ago, leaving us a little less than a week before we returned. 

“Aiden,” Felix’s voice startled me out of my daydream. “I have a surprise for you,” my roommate grinned, and I sat up on the sofa, giving him a dubious look.

“I have the feeling,” I paused, looking at Felix, his hands hidden craftily by his back. “This isn’t a good kind of surprise,”

“You don’t know that!” He exclaimed, “For all you know, I could have something extraordinary in my hands right now,”

“Then what is it?” 

“Close your eyes,” An airy breath tickled my ear as Felix bent down to whisper. “Okay, hold out your hands,” There was a joyous ring to his words, and I couldn’t help but smile. 

“What is this?” I queried, feeling a smooth-surfaced object trace the lines of my palms.

“Open your eyes and find out,” Felix said enthusiastically. I did so, smiling as I stared at the surprise. In my hands stood a miniature snowflake pendant linked to a metal jump ring, a charm.

“It’s pretty,” I murmured, holding it up to the chalet’s lights, mesmerised at how it sparkled even with artificial light. “Thanks, Felix,” I smiled, thanking him graciously.

“You better not lose it,” he teased before heading to the kitchen.

I hadn’t told Felix that I’d linked the charm to the chain necklace my mother had given me for my fourteenth birthday. If he knew, he’d notice the sentimental value, and then he would figure out I was in love with him. 

‘But that,’ I thought grimly, ‘is a problem for another day.’

“Aiden!” A gruff voice called out to me, and I sighed. 

“Marcus,” I nodded, feeling that familiar deceptive personality seep in as I pretended to smile. “How’s it going?” We bumped fists, a feat I never understood, and stood at the bottom of the slope, waiting for the others.

“Not bad. Luke was snoring again last night. Didn’t get a bloody wink of sleep,” Marcus grumbled. I smirked to myself internally. 

“Shame. At least we’ll kick it on the slopes,” I replied with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. I wished I was skiing with Felix. I could only ever do that when the guys wanted to flirt with the girls down at the hot tubs, which happened more often than you’d think. But it always raised questions among the group, wondering why I never joined them. In short, any time spent with Felix was within the walls of our chalet.

“How’s sleeping with the queer?” Marcus asked suddenly, and I gave him a look.

“What?”

“Does he try anything on you? You know,” he paused, “gay stuff.” I let his words sink in. I hadn’t understood the meaning of his sentence. Yes, sleeping with Felix, referring to the same room. Of course. He hadn’t meant anything else. I scolded myself internally.

“No?” I answered, realising a moment later that I didn’t sound convincing. “None of that stuff,” I muttered, “he’s a nice guy,”

“Holy shit,” Marcus’ eyes widened, “are you queer?” I never got to answer as the yells of Luke, Christopher, Tyree, and Amir interrupted us. Xin was there as well, fixing his ski goggles.

“Oi!” Luke hollered, “Are we going or what?” Marcus patted my shoulder as if to say, ‘We’ll talk about this later. I’m concerned.’ and walked over to the others.

“Aiden, look at that chic over there,” Christopher half yelled at me as we got off the ski lift. I rolled my eyes. The girl he was referring to was a tall, Asian girl whose hand was around the waist (and dare I say a little lower) of a blonde girl next to her. 

‘They look cute together.’ I thought happily but immediately sobered, remembering I had yet to say anything or come close to confessing to Felix.

“They’ve obviously got a partner already, Chris,” Xin commented, loud enough for the girls to hear. The blonde whipped her head around, glaring at the seven of us. She smiled at me, sneering at the others. Had I finally reached peak homosexuality where others could recognise that?

“Oh,” Christopher responded blandly. “Never mind then,” he murmured. None of us commented on the vibrant shade of pink tuberose colouring his cheeks. I glanced back at Xin. He had always been a dry-humoured sort of guy, the only one who wasn’t interested in embarrassing other people besides me. He was the newest member of our group, only appearing one day five months ago. He was usually unconcerned, but just then, he’d seemed extremely mindful and respectful. I smiled. Perhaps there was a spark of hope after all.

~

“Hey, Aiden, yo, dude, Aiden!” Luke nudged my side, forcing me back to reality. 

“Hello? Aiden? Are you there?” Amir followed, poking my shoulder.

“Sorry, what did you say?” I asked. I rebuked myself internally. Once again, I had been daydreaming about Felix.

“How is sharing a room with a queer?” Luke asked.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?!” I all but shouted, and Amir’s eyes broadened. 

“Woah, calm down. Geez, sorry. I didn’t know it was a sensitive question. I was just curious,” Luke said, defending himself.

“Why?” I snapped. “His name is Felix, by the way. Not ‘queer’. God, you people are so fucking dense. I’ve had it with all of you,” The others turned at me in surprise. “That applies to all of you, except Xin.” I huffed, unlocking my boots from the skis.

“How come you’re not mad at Xin?” Christopher dared to shout as I stormed off. I scowled, carrying my skis to the exit gate.

“Aiden, wait!” I heard a voice call after me moments later, and I hoped it was Felix for a second. “Aiden, wait, it’s Xin. Hold on!” I paused, waiting for him to catch up.

“Are you okay? What was all that back there?” He questioned raggedly, still tired from chasing after me. I’d never seen him express himself this much since he’d joined the group.

“I’ve had enough dealing with their stupid behaviour,” I sighed, sitting on a nearby bench.

“Why are you still here then?” 

“I’m only friends with them because my dad told me they were sons of his colleagues. I didn’t have a choice,” I sighed. “Why are you still here? Surely you knew they’re jerks,”

“Oh, I know,” Xin grinned, “I’ve been recording the dumb shit they do so I can send one big present to the school board,”

“That’s,” I laughed, “that’s genius.”

“Thank you, I do pride myself in being quite the clever cookie,” Xin’s smile wavered. “Anyway, back to before. Are you alright? They said some pretty insensitive things,”

“They get on my nerves. I know violence isn’t the answer, but-”

“But it’s a question, and the answer is yes,” Xin finished the joke with a goofy grin.

“Precisely,” I looked up at the slope, “but I can’t risk doing anything to them if I don’t want to be chewed out by my dad,”

“Yeah, I get you. I have two mums, so I know what you mean,” he took out his phone and showed me his lock screen. As I examined the photo, I saw his mothers’ soft smiles and Xin proudly holding up a cat in front of them. “She’s so cute,” he cooed, pointing at the tabby. He chuckled sheepishly. “Sorry, I keep getting distracted. You can talk about it to me if you want,” Xin offered sincerely and I removed my goggles that were sitting on top of my helmet. 

“I like this guy,” I began, realising this was the first time I’d ever said it aloud. “We were really close as kids before I had to join this group. We started talking again, but I think I’ve liked him ever since we were fifteen,”

“So for three years,” Xin wolf-whistled, “that’s a long time,”

“I guess I never noticed until now,” I replied, looking down at my hands.

“So, Felix, is it?” My friend asked, and I nodded. “Well, do you know if he feels the same? Felix is like the Kensington Grammar School’s gay kid. He’s been out for ages. He’s a cool guy,”

“I don’t know,” I cried out, “he’s always been a good sport and he’s cute and he got me a gift and I think he’s flirting with me but I can’t tell if that’s me becoming irrational or-”

“Aiden. Backtrack for a moment. He got you a gift?”

“Yes?”

“And you think he’s flirting with you?”

“Maybe?”

“Mr O’Ryle,” Xin huffed, “I think you’re incredibly oblivious to the behaviour of openly gay men. I think he might like you. You can’t deny you daydream about him, that’s where your mind always drifts to when you go quiet,” He smiled, knowing he was right. “Just ask him out, see what happens.”

I was sitting on the couch, anxiously waiting, when Felix burst through the front door of our chalet. I dropped my phone in surprise, staring at Felix.

“I’m so sorry,” he rambled, “Jordan and Cody dragged me to their place and I was-” he stumbled over the rug, and I immediately got up and caught him.

“Jeez, Lix. Watch where you’re going,” I froze, realising I subconsciously used Felix’s nickname. He didn’t appear to notice. “Holy shit, are you sick?” 

“We’re eighteen. I’m legally allowed to drink, Mr Know It All. Also, I’m not drunk,”

“I know, Felix. I didn’t ask you if you were drinking. You have a fever,” I shifted his weight more equally on my shoulder, wrapping an arm around his waist. “Where’s your phone? I need to call Cody and ask him if he knows anything,”

“Woah, look, the room is spinning. That’s cool,” Felix mumbled, and I shot him a worried look. In one swift movement, I scooped his legs under my arms and carried him to the shared bedroom. “Aiden,” Felix whispered, his voice so soft I could barely hear him. “I love you.” His eyes closed, his breathing soft as I laid him on his bed. 

“What?” I mumbled breathlessly. “You love me?” I voiced aloud, even though I was speaking to myself. “What. The. Fuck.” I said numbly, not knowing what else to say. I glanced back down at Felix. “Okay, this can wait, Aiden. Your crush of three years told you he loves you. This can wait another hour.” I gently laid the blanket over Felix, and rushed to the linen closet, looking for a small towel to put over his forehead. 

‘What’s his phone password?’ I thought to myself as I washed the towel, and raced back to the room. Felix hadn’t budged since I’d left him, so I fished out his phone, staring at the lock screen. ‘I have about five tries to get this right.’

“I could really use some luck right now,” I muttered as I typed in Felix’s birthday. The phone vibrated, indicating it was wrong. I swore, typing in his mum’s birthday instead. How I still remembered was a mystery. That also failed. Then I tried Felix’s favourite numbers. 16 24 92. Another vibration went off. I sighed, praying as I typed in my birthday. ‘If he loves me, maybe it’s related to me.’

The phone unlocked. I nearly yelled in delight but remembered the reason I was doing all of this. I scrolled through Felix’s list of contacts until I found Cody’s number.

“Hey, what’s up?” Cody’s voice echoed as he picked up the second ring.

“Um, hi. It’s Aiden,” I greeted awkwardly, “when did Felix leave your chalet?”

“When? Um, I think he left around four. Why? Also, how did you get into his phone?” Cody queried. I didn’t hear him. ‘Four o’clock? Felix burst in around five because we have a group meeting at six. What the hell was he doing for that other hour?’

“Thanks, Cody. I owe you,”

“Wait, you didn’t answer me. Why do you have Felix’s ph-” I hung up, running back to Felix. I lifted the towel and felt his forehead. The fever was reduced which was a good sign. If he’d only been out for an hour, there was a chance he wasn’t that sick. And knowing Felix’s best friend, he was probably frantically asking Jordan questions and debating whether to come over or not. Rationally, I knew the right thing to do was notify a teacher, but I wasn’t thinking rationally. I was thinking like a boy in love.

“Aiden,” a breathy voice called out to me, and I looked over at Felix.

“Hi, Felix,” I gave him a small smile, “how are you doing?”

“Did I collapse? I swear I remember I was out in the snow,” He blinked slowly, looking lethargic. ‘So he doesn’t remember what he told me?’

 “You came hom- the chalet, sorry, you came back to the chalet after you went to Cody’s,” I explained, and he nodded.

“Sorry, did I disrupt you when I came back?”

“What? Oh, no, you didn’t. Don’t worry about it,” I rubbed my neck that was getting hotter by the second.

“Oh, you’re wearing it,” Felix commented with a weak grin.

“Wearing what?” I looked down and noticed the charm on my necklace had become visible. “Ah, yeah. I put it on a chain my mum gave me for my birthday,”

“That’s cute,” he murmured, extending out his hand to play with the charm. 

“Do you remember anything?” I asked, testing the waters.

“Well, after I left Cody’s, I just remember wandering around in the snow for a while,” Felix sat up slowly, looking at me strangely. “Did something happen?”

‘Just ask him out, see what happens.’ Xin’s words echoed through my mind, and I cleared my throat nervously.

“You, um, well, you might have told me,” my voice trailed off, and Felix prompted me to continue with a nod. “I was setting you down on the bed and,” my breath hitched, “you told me you loved me,” 

“Oh.” Felix managed to utter, his face a bright red. I couldn’t tell if that was the fever speaking or embarrassment. 

“Which is fine!” I scrambled to find the words to say, “I didn’t mind and-”

“Don’t you think I’m weird?” Felix suddenly said, and a pang shot through my heart at the look of his downcast gaze. 

“What? No, of course not!” I reassured him and I sat closer to him, grabbing his hands. “I lik- I love you too. For a long time. I just didn’t say anything because I was scared and I thought you didn’t feel the same,”

“Well,” Felix looked up at me with flushed cheeks and a small smile. “Looks like I found what I was looking for,”

“And what, pray tell,” I smirked, “were you looking for?”

“Not what, who.” Felix stood up, a little shakily, and I reached out to grab his arms to steady him. 

“I like you a lot,” I told him as we stood face to face, Felix still having to look up at me slightly.

“So do I,” He replied, still gazing at me with those soft eyes.

“I like your poliosis as well,” I blurted out, my mind not filtering anything I was saying. Felix brightened even further.

“Well, I like it too because you like it,” he grinned.

“I also really want to kiss you,” 

“Then why don’t you?” 

So I did. And I realised what Felix had meant when he had said he’d found the person he’d been looking for. He was like my oasis in the desert with his soft lips and bi-coloured hair that tickled my skin. We pulled away slowly, eyes dilated.

“I love you,” I breathed, “I don’t think you know,”

“I think,” Felix kissed me again, “I do.”

~

“Xin,” I shook my friend’s shoulders vigorously. “He’s my boyfriend. Felix! We’re dating,”

“I told you,” he scoffed, clapping a hand on my shoulder. “You guys are idiots. Took you long enough. Are you going to tell the others?” He asked, looking up to see the guys making their way over to us. 

“Might as well,” I shrugged, “it might get them to stop asking me,” I rolled my eyes. The other boys approached us, wary expressions on their faces.

“Aiden,” Marcus spoke first in the group, “we’re sorry,”

“Some of the things we said were really out of line,” Luke apologised, “we didn’t mean to be insensitive,”

“And for prying you with questions,” Amir added. Tyree nodded. 

“We’re really sorry!” Christopher burst out, and I smiled.

“It’s okay, guys. Thanks for apologising, I appreciate it,” I paused, “I think you guys are cool when you’re not picking on people,”

“Not to blackmail you guys, but I have video evidence of some of the things you guys have done. If you apologise to each person and change for the better, I won’t send the files to the school board,” Xin grinned. If the other boys were shocked, they didn’t show it.

“Alright,” Marcus nodded, “we’ll do our best.” The other four cheered. I picked up my ski poles.

“And just so you guys know, Felix is my boyfriend,” I grinned, pushing off to go down the slope. 

“Wait what?”

“Seriously?”

“Tell us how it happened!”

I laughed as I heard them protest for details, feeling happier than I had ever felt before.