This I will never forget

“Ugh!” I grumble. “Tomorrow’s daylight’s saving time! Is this the one where we jump ahead or go back?”

“This is the one where we spring forward,” Mary replies over the phone. “Get it spring forward because it’s spring?!”

“It’s not funny when you explain,” I reply curtly.

“Wow, you really are testy.”

“I just want things on track and right now they aren’t.”

“I hear you hon. Go to bed early and remember to set your alarm. I don’t want you being late for brunch.”

“Fine.”

I click off my phone and roll over into my bed. With my head already on my pillow, I set my alarm.

Like I have time to lose, I think to myself. This year feels like a total wash. Brad and I broke up, I’m not getting any younger as my doctor and mother continue reminding me that these are ‘my best child bearing years’ and I continually get passed up at work for promotions that I deserve. Life feels like it’s dangling a carrot in front of me that is so close but just out of reach.

If only it was all in place, I think before drifting off to sleep.

------------------------------------------------------

I wake up but there is not an alarm going off. Hmm, must have woken up before it, I think rubbing my cheek against the pillow. This feels a lot softer than it did last night, I think. I stretch my arms out wide and WHACK! I hit something hard. What? I roll over and there is a man…in my bed!

“Ahhh!! Who are you and what are you doing in my bed?!”” I scream falling backwards.

A shirtless man rolls over in bed and stares at me who is now lying on the floor.

“Good morning to you too babe,” he says. “I know I got in late last night. Didn’t meant to scare you.”

I cling to the bed sheet that is twisted around my stomach. I look around and realize this is not my room. This room is like the one I imagined in my future. Soft blue paint on the walls with white washed plantation furniture and black and white pictures hanging. Sunlight streams in from the French doors drawing me to see that… there’s a balcony!  

“Where am I,” I whisper.

A young boy comes running in wearing dinosaur pajamas.

“Mommy, mommy you’re up!” he exclaims wrapping his arms around my legs which are propped up on the bed. He releases me and jumps up to snuggle in close to the man’s bare chest.

Then, I hear a baby cry off in the distance. The man and I make eye contact and stay locked in this stare.

“We’ll go get her,” he says pushing the covers off. The little boy jumps on the man’s back and he takes off running.

I am left laying here in a house I don’t know frozen.

Where am I? I say again.

The man returns holding a baby girl in his arms.

“Hey babe, Zack wants pancakes for breakfast. Do you some too?”

I stare at him, trying to form words.

“I’m sorry but who are you.”

The man’s face shifts. He walks across the room holding the baby and whispers, “Have you been drinking?”

“No!” I definitely know that. “It’s just…this is not where I fell asleep last night.”

“What do you mean?”

“This is not my house and…” I lower my head, “…I don’t know who any of you are.”

“Daddy, I’m hungry,” the little boy says, and the baby starts crying.

“Go downstairs and grab yourself a snack. I’ll be down in a little bit,” says the man.

“You don’t know who I am?”

I shake my head no.

“Do you know who you are?” he says bouncing the infant up and down.

“Sara Reams.”

“Yes, you are Sara, but hon we got married five years ago. Your last name is Jones now.”

“No, I was talking to Mary last night about having broken up with Brad and about it being daylight savings time tomorrow and…”

“What are you talking about?”

“Mary, I talked to her last night.”

He pulls his phone off the night stand and dials.

“Hey, Mary, sorry to call so early. We are having a situation over here and Sara wants to talk to you,” he says handing me the phone.

“Mary?” I ask.

“Sara, what’s going on sweetie?” finally a familiar voice. My shoulders soften. I tell her everything I remember about our conversation last night.

“Sweetie, when we talked what year was it?”

“2020.”

“Sara, it’s 2027.” I drop the phone. This has to be a dream, this has to be a dream, I repeated to myself. Matt picks up the phone and the last thing I remember is seeing worry in his eyes.

_______________________________________

Knock, knock.

“Hello, I am Dr. Gertzon,” says a man dressed in green scrubs and a white coat. “Your MRI’s and CT scans all appear to be normal. No signs of stroke or trauma.”

“Sir, this isn’t normal, she doesn’t know who anyone is,” says Matt sitting beside me in the emergency room.

“I really don’t know who anyone is,” I say.

“Do you remember falling or any recent changes?” he asks looking up from this clipboard.

“Yeah, waking up and everyone telling me it is seven years later, and I’m married!”

“Let me go look over a few more things.” He turns on his heel and quickly leaves, closing the door behind him.

Matt looks up at me. “What is going on babe?”

“I don’t know.”

“Knock, knock again,” says the doctor coming in through the door. “So, here’s what I think, this is temporary memory loss. You have no signs of dementia or alcohol abuse. I double checked your scans. There are no signs of bleeding or a tumor. I recommend priming your memory.”

“How?” Matt and I ask in unison.

“Look at old photos, go to favorite spots, eat favorite foods. That should get the nervous system back in gear. Try that and come to my office in a week to follow up.” He handed Matt his business card and my discharge papers.

“I’m just gonna call Mary real quick let her know what’s going on,” Matt said before stepping out of the room.

What is happening? I ask myself as I stare at the ceiling.

_______________________________________

Back at the house, Mary has laid out an assortment of sandwich fixings on the kitchen counter. I collapse onto the couch, exhausted. Maybe this all be just a dream, I think but I pinch myself and definitely wince.

Matt hands me a plate full of bread, meat and chips.

“Thanks,” I say. I take a bite. “Mmm. Ham and cheddar on…”

“…whole wheat with a little mayo, lettuce and tomato, just how you like it,” Matt says. I catch his eye and notice the soft blue hues in them. I didn’t see that before.

“Yeah,” I smile.

We linger here before the baby starts crying and Zack runs into the living room claiming to have nothing to do with it.

“I got it,” says Matt standing up from the couch guiding Zack into the room. I watch them leave, noticing how my son has the same dark brown hair as his dad. I wonder if he has the same eyes too.

“Sara, here are some photos,” Mary says handing me an album.

I open the cover to see Mary and I sitting on the couch as teenagers dressed for prom. Then another of us in a college regalia. Then one of me and Mary at her wedding. Then, one of me and Mary at the hospital the day she broke her leg skiing.

“Do you remember me saying don’t break a leg to you before we got off the lift?” I ask.

Mary laughs. “Yes, and I am glad you do too!”

For a moment, I feel like this life is mine again.

“I don’t remember this one though,” I say pointing to a photo of me next to man who looks like a younger version of Matt.

“That’s the first time you and Matt met.”

“Where are we?”

“My house for a dinner party in March 2020. It was daylight savings and I remember because you missed brunch that day.”

“What happened?”

“We had been on the phone the night before and I specifically told to set your clock ahead an hour, so you would be on time, but you still showed up late! We had to eat without you”

“Sorry,” I laugh nervously.

“I’m not. That’s how you met Matt.”

“What!?”

“Yeah, you met him at the bar.”

“What happened next?” I sit up on the edge of the couch.

“You two were pretty much inseparable,” she replied turning the page.

I see me with a ring on my finger and Matt’s arms around my waist. Then, me wearing a white gown whispering something into Matt’s ear. I turn the page to see me with a huge a belly and Mary wrapping a tape measure around it. I look so happy.

“Mary, I don’t remember any of this.”

She reaches over and touches my hand softly, giving it a gentle squeeze before kissing my forehead.

“It’s gonna be ok,” she reassures me. “I’m gonna make some coffee.” She releases my hand and goes into the kitchen. Matt walks in and tells Mary something about the kids before walking back over to the couch with coffee in hand for the both of us.

“Tell me about this one?” I ask pointing a photo.

“That was our engagement party.” I look up at him and take a long sip of my coffee staring at his eyes. Gosh, I could just stare at them all day. He lingers in this look with me before continuing. “I had just proposed and took you to Mary’s. You thought we were going to be just telling Mary, but all of our family and friends were waiting at her house for a surprise engagement party. There were like a hundred people, right Mar?”

“Something like that,” Mary says as she passes us to head to the guest room to take a call.

“You were so happy. You didn’t stop smiling the whole night,” Matt said as a smile spreads across his face.

“Tell me about this one,” I say pointing to our wedding photo.

“Ah, photos from the photographer from hell,” he said leaning back taking a sip of coffee.

“What?” I say.

“We had to hire two photographers, one from the venue and the one we really wanted. The venue photographer insisted on taking all the photos first and got all the good lighting. Taking photos with him felt like hell.”

“Then why are you laughing in the picture?”

“You had just told me if this was hell there is no one on earth you’d rather be with than me,” he says smiling wide.

“How about this one?”

“You really don’t remember that one?” his face shifts. I should, judging by his look. I stare down at the picture of his smiling face holding a present then back at him, wanting something, anything to come to mind.

“No,” I say timidly.

He sighs. “That’s you telling me we were going to have Zack. You wrapped the pregnancy test.”

He takes a sip of coffee and continues to stare down at the couch.

I want these memories to be mine so much that it hurts. This life, the one I always wanted, I didn’t experience. And he is realizing that. I lean over and put my arm on his shoulder.

“I want to remember because all of this seems dreamy.”

He brushes the hair that’s fallen into my face and puts his hand against my cheek. It is so warm. I close my eyes, leaning my head into his hand. He leans in, but I don’t hear anything. I only feel the warmth of hip lips against mine. He pulls me closer and I don’t push away.

_______________________________________

As the day goes on, I ask him questions and he tells me story after story. Mary takes care of the kids then heads to bed while Matt and I stay up talking. A little before midnight, I find myself deep in his arms on the couch. His fingers dance across my arm. I say press myself against his chest. We stay in the silence, not knowing what comes next. This I will remember, I tell myself before drifting off to sleep.

_______________________________________

BEEP BEEP.

My alarm is blaring at me from the night stand. I click it off and roll back over in my bed. MY BED!

“Holy crap!” I say out loud.

I sit up and look around. I am back in my bed, in my apartment. Could it be? I grab my phone and see that the year is 2020.

I push the covers back and rush into the bathroom to get ready.

_______________________________________

I take two trains and a cab to brunch and still I am late. What the heck?! I even got up early.

I push the revolving glass doors and see Mary standing there with a to go bag in her hands.

“I’ve called you all morning!” Mary exclaims. “Did you oversleep? I told you to set an alarm.”

“I did it’s just…”

“Well, we already ate because we have to go meet up with Jeff’s family. Do you want to catch a cab with us? You can have my leftovers on the way?”

“No, I think I am going to just stay for a bit, maybe see what’s happening at the bar.”

“Ok, but you are coming to my party tonight, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Good, and maybe bring someone. Jeff’s cousins just cancelled, and I bought a ton of food.”

“Sure,” I say.

They leave, and I find a seat at the bar ordering coffee with a shot of whiskey. My head still is spinning. Could it have been a dream? But it felt so real?

“Excuse me ma’am, is this seat taken?”

I look up to see those eyes staring at me and realize this is a moment I will never forget.