Launch Interrupted

Three commercial astronauts sit ready in the simulator standing by for the final launch sequence one last time before tomorrow’s big show. They’re among the first who are supposed to be making regular trips to and from nearby asteroid mining space-rigs. They set the bar for all future efforts.

The simulator is an exact replica of the real thing. Command can see the astronauts in their seats on a monitor, face shields down and ready to rumble. The rest of the essential crew of engineers, coders, traffic control and operators can hear the interactions between command and crew. The flight crew, in their stations, cannot hear all of the rest of the conversations.

“Alright crew. We’re about set for the final countdown to launch. Over.”

“Roger that. Hey, Carlos? Over.”

“Yeah, Andie. Over.”

“How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep? Over,” Andie asks

“Lemme ask your mom. Over,” Quips Carlos

A series of giggles that roll into waves of laughter are heard in the hot mics. Andie, Terry and Shannon all have a hearty belly laugh as their shoulders and chests can be seen moving on the monitor with their laughter.

Still giggling, “C’mon, Carlos! You ROCKET! Over.”

Carlos is supposed to be the calm one on the radio. Like a 9-11 dispatcher. It’s his voice the crew relies on in emergencies and even he’s struggling to keep a straight face and remain professional.

“Is everyone ready, now? It’s not like you’re leaving the planet tomorrow, or anything important like that. Over.”

“Yes s… Hey. Hey. I have a really stupid one I love,” Shannon interrupts Andie’s reply with his distinctively deep Manilow-esque voice. Everyone in command always ribs him about it.

“How do you introduce a hamburger to a hot dog?” Without waiting for a reply he continued, “Patty. Meet Frank! Over.”

Dead air.

Everyone working on tomorrow’s launch paused what they were doing for a moment. A lengthy couple synchronized seconds later faces turned upwards into grins and a raucous laughter erupted all over the scientifically professional buildings.

“Do you think we got him?” Shannon could be heard amongst the laughs on board. Andie had to lift her face shield to wipe away the tears.

On the security monitors of the rest of the facility, Carlos is able to see how much everyone is enjoying this particular exchange after months of seriousness. This should be a serious exercise. If word got out, the investors may not be so lighthearted about it all. On the other hand, this sure beats uncomfortable tension.

Rubbing his forehead and shaking his head with a big dumb smile Carlos calmly responds, “Everyone thinks you’re a real riot, but me. Resuming countdown. Ten. Over.”

“Knock. Knock. Over.” more giggling is heard from the professional astronauts in the expensive simulator.

“We’re still doing this, huh? Over.”

Barely able to breathe through the contagious laughing Terry gasps back, “Everyone else told theirs! Say it! Over.”

“Who’s there? Nine. Over.”

“Joe. Over.”

“Joe who? Eight. Over.”

Heavy breathing, laughter and weird sounds come from the simulator as the Astronaut crew cannot contain their mirth. All shields are now up, “JOE MAMA! Bwaahaha” *gasp* “Over!”

Most of what is now coming through is a lot of noise. Who is saying what is no longer intelligible.

“Seven! Why doesn’t Six trust Seven?” someone, maybe Shannon, squealed into their mic.

The laughter around the whole place is now utterly uncontrolled. Eyes are watering and dumb jokes are around every corner. This light mood was needed last week. Not the day before they take off! This is supposed to be the dress rehearsal! Somber, you know, like they’re leaving tomorrow.

Carlos is standing with his back to the monitor of laughing astronauts calmly, with a grin, taking in the scene of support staff equally in hysterics.

“Seven ATE nine!” a chuckling voice announced from somewhere.

“Did seven eat nine? You have the entire crew rolling over here. Over.”

The crew is entirely beside themselves. Once this level of laughter is released there is no containing it until it has run its course.

Finally, succumbing to the pressure of either the moment or the laughter, Carlos lets loose. Really, he just can’t even any more. The big show is tomorrow whether we get this simulation right or not.

“What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Over.”

“Carlos?! Is that you! Have you come to the dark side?! Over.” Andie asks between calming chuckles.

“Finding half a worm. Over.”

“Gross! Over.” Everyone on their still hot mics has a fresh round of inspiration for jokes and the happy chatter of pun exchanges renews.

“You’ve just about laughed us all out of a job today. Tomorrow is the real deal. You better be ready and hoping our investors didn’t catch wind of this. Over. “ Carlos began scolding as he realized nothing at all was actually going to get done today.

“It’s a joke. Over.” said Terry.

“Not a dick! Over.” Shannon chimed in.

“Don’t take it so hard! Over.” finished Andie.

The place lit up again at Carlos’s expense and he turned off the public communications.

“Get psyche in after the crew. I'm sure they’re cool but tomorrow is launch and I can’t have them losing it when they get into Saturn’s orbit.” Carlos directed the medical team.

“Cabrons…” he mutters in Spanish as he shuts down the failed simulation because of a case of the giggles.

In case you were wondering, our crew of comics made a very successful first space-rig run to an asteroid mine off one of the moons of Saturn. They delivered their supplies and successfully returned with a load of platinum. Making their investors infinitely more wealthy.

Their trailblazing mission in round-trip travel so far into space launched a boom for interstellar mining and encouraged the spread of human colonies well into our immediate solar system.

Shannon, with his baritone vocal chords asked upon leaving Earth’s atmosphere, “How do you  throw a party in space? Over.”

“You actually don't have to say over. Over.”

“You PLANET!”