Good eatin’

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Fantasy Funny Kids

Raimi ran her hands through her hair, green eyes twitching like the flickering light above her.

Forty-three murders, almost identical in every way,  and she had no leads. She had no idea who or what could be responsible, and this was a case she could not fuck up; the first joint operation between humans and treaders.

‘Treaders’ was easier to say than “adorned children of the mother earth” like they called themselves, and accurately described the way they tread beneath the earth. Raimi remembered when they were nothing but stories grandma told her about the ‘clumsy ones’ in the forest, how they’d trip over every branch and bump into the trees. Only later, when a few curious teens went into the woods with a camera, did the general public find out they were real.

Humans made the decision to leave them be, as they were quite shy, and whatever ‘rituals’ they did in the forest made the crops grow every season. But one day, a group of children in a small town interrupted the ritual.

The treader responded by flipping the earth beneath that town like a pancake. 

Relations between the two became disastrous. Humans became abrasive, which led to the treaders becoming more aggressive. It almost led to war, until the guild stepped in. Raimi helped those who spearheaded the negotiations, even going as far as finding  a cave underground so the treaders had vision. Tentative as it may have been, a treaty was made… and then they had the audacity to dump its first joint operation on her! 

“Don’t worry, you  got this in the bag. You’ve handled worse.”, they said. “If there’s anyone who can solve this, it’s you,” like she was a detective or something. She wasn’t even a part of the guild, they just threw money at her to handle all their weird shit!

The desk creaks from how hard Raimi is gripping it, and with a deep breath, she gets back to bullshit business.

The main problem with the cases is the fact that, when not submerged beneath rocks, treaders are completely blind. All they could tell is that one moment the ritual was being cast, and the next it was not. With the hive mind they all shared, they could tell when one of their own perished.

Investigating the most recent case- a week ago- revealed two things:

A) This attacker was airborne, and would swoop down for the kills like a bird of prey… if any bird of prey was strong enough to snap trees. It wasn’t particularly stealthy in diving, likely because it knew it didn’t have to be, but there was no evidence of how it left.

B) The killer was hoarding the bodies somewhere. Raimi had no idea where that might be, because aside from the initial splatter of blood at the ritual clearings, there was no evidence of a body being there at all. Not even a trail of blood to follow.

Maybe someone was kidnapping them for use in an experiment, or this was an elaborate hate crime, or… or…

The light above Raimi goes out. She takes that as a cue to leave this for now, and shifts her focus to the second, significantly more enjoyable job for the day. And judging by the smell that wafted from the kitchen, this was the perfect time to do so.

The roast chicken she pulls out of the oven isn’t quite like her father’s- he used more spices, and coated it in mayonnaise for some reason- but it still looks glorious. If the majority of it wasn’t going to Axis, Raimi would tear right into it.

Axis. The thought of the name makes Raimi smile, a soft exhale leaving through her nose.  Shifters- folks who could turn into monsters- were always a bit on the wild side, but they were still human. Axis, on the other hand… Well, they tried to kill him before they found out. 

According to the hunters that found him, the duke of a nearby kingdom saw “an eyesore of a beast” and hired hunters to murder it. It was a cut-and-dry hunt at first, especially since the monster was big; made it easy to track, until it wasn’t. The hunters were on his trail for months, and he had them spooked. Monsters could be smart, or they could be big. Axis was both, and outmaneuvered team after team… they gave him the moniker ‘beast of the ages’, claiming that whoever finally managed to take him down would be hailed as a legend. 

Imagine their surprise when they found out he was a 12-year-old.

Someone had royally pissed off a treader, and in the resulting earthquake, Axis suddenly appeared and flew most of the city to safety. When it was all said and done, he collapsed… and turned back into a young boy. Apparently, Axis himself didn’t know he was a human; he’d always lived in the wilds, and thought the ‘tiny form’ was just a power he had. The guild took him in; they couldn’t just leave a child in the forest (read: they weren’t passing up on a pseudodragon in their arsenal), and re-incorporation fell to Raimi, because… well, she wasn’t passing up 7-figure checks every week. 

Thankfully, it was going far better than she expected. Axis- which he “just liked the sound of” when he picked the name- was a curious soul and an eager learner, much to her delight, and the unintentionally dark comments he sometimes made about his life made her laugh.

Today’s lesson wasn’t just about human life and what he’d have to do once he became a part of society- it was about the food he’d enjoy. Raimi sets the chicken down on a table outside, surrounded by the ‘review’: various coins to get him used to the monetary system, and a polo shirt and jeans for him to practice wearing without mindlessly transforming and tearing them.

Raimi hears the beating of wings, and she smiles. Right on time. 

The guild’s doctors told her that Axis’ shifter form was mutated, but looking at him as he landed in the clearing behind her house, Raimi could not figure out what it was. There were a few candidates, the first of which was his sheer size. Shifters, often, only grew 20 or so feet tall; Axis was easily 70. Maybe it was his skin- red and rock-like, where there would typically be  fur or scales. Third—and most likely—was his body. Most shifters would stick towards a certain genus, but Axis was a mess of them. A feline body with bat wings, a crocodile’s tail, and the head of a wolf crowned by two massive horns. 

The reptilian eyes that sat under them were happy to see her. “Is that what I’ve been smelling?”

“I’d hope so. But first…” Raimi crossed her arms. “What have you forgotten to do?” 

“What- oh.” Axis began to shrink. The wings receded into his back, and the rocky skin turned fair. Soon, he was a scrawny boy with freckles and orange hair, giving her a sheepish smile as he put his shorts on. “Sorry, I was focused on… what is that?”

“Roast chicken. I know you’re not used to cooked food, so I thought today was a good time to introduce you. Which brings me to today’s lesson: table manners! You’re going to learn how to eat like a human. But first…” Raimi jerks a thumb towards the coins. “Tell me what each of those are.”

Axis walks over, picking up the silver coin first. “I think this one is a… sliver coin?”

“Silver.”

“Right, sorry-” Axis picks up the rest. “This shiny one is a gold coin, and the last one is… is…” Axis’ face scrunches up in focus. Raimi suppresses the urge to pinch his cheeks. “I know it starts with ‘B.’”

“Copper. What you’re thinking of is bronze.” Raimi sighs. “Don’t worry, you’ll get it if you keep doing it. Next up- three words you learned from your dictionary. Go.”

“Oh oh oh!” Axis’ eyes brighten, and his posture straightens up. “Proximity- nearness in space, time, or relationship. Effigy- a scul-sculpture of a model or person. Calamity- an event causing great and often sudden damage or distress. A disaster.”

“Nice work!” Raimi ruffles Axis’ hair. “But why do they all end in ‘y’?

“I don’t know, I just like how they sound.”

Raimi snickers. “Okay, last thing before we eat-” She hands him the clothes. “I picked these out for you when I went down to the city last week. Show up for lessons in these from now on, and please remember to take them off  before you transform. Okay?” Axis eagerly nods… just like he did the last few times. Raimi elects to ignore it.

“Good. Now sit down, and I’ll show you what to do.”

Axis races over to the chair, plopping down and leaning forward as he eyes the chicken like… for lack of better words, a hungry beast. He reaches out a hand- Raimi slaps it away. 

“Not yet.” Raimi pulls out a knife, and Axis’ eyes snap to it. “ This is called a knife. When you’re eating food like this, you use one of these to cut smaller parts off . Knives are utensils- we’ll go over all that starting next week. For now, you can just eat with your hands.” Raimi cuts him a drumstick, and cuts herself a thigh. “Now, that thing in front of you is called a plate. When you’re eating, it’s polite to eat right above it- that’s why I put it there. You can watch me, if you want.”

Axis doesn’t watch her. She doesn’t even sit down before Axis tears into it, biting off a piece of the bone with the meat. The more he chews, the bigger the smile on his face gets until he’s in pure bliss. It’s like watching her son eat all over again… Raimi smiles from ear to ear. “I take it you like it, then?”

Axis nods as he swallows. “It’s so juicy! And it tastes like… humans call them ‘treaders’, right? I just had one last week!”

June 11, 2022 02:25

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