His North Star.

Stars flickered in and out of view from the spanning blue painted above them. The blanket draped over their shoulders held them down, keeping them on Earth as if their minds were helium-filled balloons slipping from a little kid’s fingertips. 

The world was calm and still when the pair of friends lay under the star together. But Miles’s body still felt like it sat on a bed of nails, clutching his own hand to his chest even when he wanted to reach over and grab Oaklynn’s. But he feared that if he did, he would fracture and snap. Break like a small twig as a kid runs over it. Disconnect from his own body, stay in his chaotic mind all from one simple touch. He couldn’t handle that. 

There were so many moments Miles was willing to risk himself just for Oaklynn. So many times he was willing to throw himself on to Oaklynn’s drifting train tracks, stop him before he collided with another. But he couldn’t, he didn’t, and he hadn’t. 

“Do you ever wish you could reverse someone else’s actions? Like, make the choice for them so they didn’t ruin everything between the two of you?” Miles didn’t really know what he was asking and he knew that Oaklynn would want an answer. And maybe Miles had one for him. But maybe he didn’t. 

“Yeah… but we can’t.”

It was a simple answer but held more emotion than Oaklynn normally showed, even when he was around Miles. Despite his lack of evidence and knowledge of Oaklynn’s tone-based emotions, he could sense wavering desperation and broken hope. 

If only Miles had broken Oaklynn’s train tracks long ago. Then his best friend wouldn’t be as broken as he was. Miles could never seem to protect the ones he wanted to. 

“Why did he do it, Miles? Why…?” 

“I… I don’t know.” And he hated that he didn’t know. He hated the parts of himself that didn’t know. He could feel his bones churn whenever he came close to Oaklynn; whenever he even dared to touch his best friend, spewing words the dripped with deceit and false hope. Miles wanted to crush him under his feet. Make him feel the pain he caused Oakylynn. But he couldn’t… and he never would. 

“Would you try again? No with him, course… but with… someone else?” Me! Me! Me! Miles’s mind wanted to scream. But he forced it back into his throat; his body protested with a sharp shiver. 

“Why should I? I… won’t everyone be like that? And even if they aren’t… isn’t it me? Aren’t I the problem? That’s what he always said anyways. It’s always my fault…” Oaklynn couldn’t stop talking and Miles could hear his broken spirit flowing out as it clung to his words. 

Miles let Oaklynn vent. He let him speak and cry as if everything he said was true. As if the two of them both believed the lies buried deep within Oaklynn’s mind. He wanted to reach out, grab his friend’s hand and pull him close, whisper the truth so it flowed down his hair and into his ears. He wanted to dig up the lies as if they were interconnected weeds spanning a field. He wanted to burn them and spread the truth, like roses fo hope and promised love. 

But he just sat there. He watched the sky, trying to force his own tears back at the sound of Oaklynn’s sniffles. Neither of them should be crying; not Oaklynn because his words were lies that didn’t deserve his tears, and definitely not Miles since he should man-up and protect his friend’s heart. 

“I’m not worth it and I’ll never be-” Miles couldn’t take it anymore, he straightened his back, grabbed Oaklynm’s hand and pulled his best friend to his chest. Oaklynn quieted immediately. 

“Shut up. Just stop talking,” Miles whispered into his friend’s hair. He rested his mouth against the crown of Oaklynn’s hair, arms wrapped tight around his chest and under his armpits. Oaklynn slumped against him, face pressed into Miles’s neck with his arms around the other’s waist. 

“You are worth it. You’re worth every single second of someone’s life. Of my life. It’s not your fault and I need you to see that. Not everything is your fault. Your break-up… it wasn’t your fault.” 

“B-But-”

“No! You need to listen to me,” Miles pulled his head back, tilting Oaklynn’s head so the pair were facing each other. “You deserve love and affection. And if you aren’t shown that by someone else, cut yourself some slack and love yourself as you deserve.” 

Oaklynn’s tears slowed as they stared at each other. He wasn’t smiling, he usually never did, but Miles could read the emotions written in his eyes. He recognized the way they sparkled and gleamed as if filled with golden galaxies. 

Stars. That’s what Oaklynn was made of, pure stars. They flickered and died, but when they did, he sparked with passion and power like a beaming supernova. Oaklynn was made of stars, beautiful stars that deserved to be admired and loved. But no one would give him what he needed. So Miles would. 

“Thank you… Miles. God- Thank you so much.” His tears were back, but Oaklynn pressed himself against Miles’s chest. 

“Of course, Star.” He felt Oaklynn sigh at the nickname. 

“It’s been… awhile since you called me that.” 

“Its gonna be a while until I stop, Star. You might even get sick of it.”

“I could never.” 

Miles sighed, listening to Oaklynn’s breathing while he kept his eyes shut and face buried in his friend’s coffee hair. 

Miles loved Oaklynn. Simple as that. It was hard to come to terms with, but as he breathed in his scent and felt the pressure of Oaklynn’s body against his, he realized there was no other explanation. 

Miles knew Oaklynn wasn’t his soulmate, far from it. And as Miles’s eyes traced the glittering stars dancing above them, he let himself come to terms with his own mind. 

Oaklynn was his world, his everything, his true and only escape. His North Star. And Oaklynn needed to know that.