Shocking red, Bright White, Mesmerizing black

Submitted into Contest #85 in response to: Start your story with the line, “That’s the thing about this city…”... view prompt

4 comments

Mystery Crime Thriller

TW: MURDER


That's the thing about this city. It's quiet, normal, peaceful at times even. You fall in love with it's silence, its charm. Then, when you're least expecting it, snap. Something terrible happens. Bad people do bad things to bad people. Bad things drive good people to do bad things. Good people try to do good things, but it's never enough.

That's what I figured out after about a week or two of living here. When I moved in, I moved in to an apartment that was just big enough for me and a guest. There was one extra room, but I turned that into a workout room. I moved here looking for a fresh start. My aunt and uncle kicked me out when I was 16, and I was living with my best friend until I turned 19. They let me live an extra year with them, just to get my starting money for the apartment I was looking to buy.

"Hello Ms. Chang," I say, nodding at the woman at the desk. The small, old Asian woman smiles at me.

"Hello Athena, a letter arrived for you today," She says, and I walk over to the desk. She hands me a black mate envelope with a black seal on it. There was no return address, but in blood red ink on the back,

Athena Laye, apartment room number 694, biggest bedroom

My blood runs cold. They know where I sleep? How? I frown, not wanting to open it, but smiling at Ms. Chang.

"Thank you," I say, and I head to the elevator. I press the open button, then press the 6th floor button. When the doors close, I pull out my phone and take a picture of the letter, sending it to my friend Christy.

"Level 6," the voice on the elevator says. I step out of the small space and run to my room. I feel my necklace smacking me in the chest and face, but I ignore it. I jam my key into the lock and after hearing the satisfying "click", I turn the handle. My dog, Orion, a Golden Retriever, runs up to me, his tail wagging furiously.

"Come on baby," I say, waving at him to follow. He does, obediently, and I sit down on the couch, sliding off my red heels. I drag off the grey sweater I'm wearing and replace it with an old shirt, one of my dads. He passed away when I was 14. No one knew the cause. Same with my mom. I had to live with my aunt and uncle. Well, until they kicked me out. You know the rest.

I look at the letter, worried. What could be inside? I undo the seal, my fingers fumbling. When I pull out the slip of paper, I see it's white. A shocking, bright color next to the black of its case. I unfold the slip, and read.

At this point, we already assume you suspect something. We have what you want. You already know what those "things" are. Meet us at this location at 9:30. Do not be late. Bring with you a flashlight, a knife, and your wallet. Do not phone the police or anyone else. Come alone.

-M. & D.

"M and D?" I say aloud, looking at Orion. He tilts his head and looks confused, seeming to understand exactly what I'm saying. I pick up the old phone that was built into the wall when I first moved in, dial Christy's number, and wait.

She never picks up. All I hear is the waiting signal, then her answering machine.

"Hey, it's Christy, please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you!" I hear the tone, and hang up. There's no need to leave a message. I have two more things to check. I dial my boyfriend Brandon's number too. I wait. He also doesn't pick up. Just the waiting signal and,

"Sorry, I can't pick up the phone. Leave a message. Thanks!" They have him too. Lastly, I run to my room. I rummage around in my closet and eventually find the safe. There's nothing important and expensive in it, but after typing in the password, I gasp. They have taken that too. Both of my parents rings, once locked in the tiny safe, are now missing, as if they had vanished. I pull on a black hoodie, my old army boots (still fit), and black jeans. Better to blend in. I grab my old bookbag, stuffing in a flashlight, a knife, and at the last minute, I chose to empty my wallet. All they want from me is money, right?

I re-scan the letter and see the address. "Lorington Lane Carousel".

I climb down the stairs, and poke my head out. Ms. Chang has her head down, looking at mail and papers, I quickly run out a door that says, "Employee's only", and race towards my truck. It's an old, grey one. It used to belong to my parents, and they gave it to me in the will. I throw my bag into the car, throw myself in after it, and step on the gas. My car jolts forward, and I turn out of the parking lot.

***

After 15 minutes, I find the location. It's abandoned. I can tell after only one glance around the area. The Carousel is rusty and old. A door stands in the middle, slightly open. It's the control panel to the carousel. I walk over to it, and see another envelope taped to it. The shocking red ink, the bring white of the paper. A drip of red, rust dyed water drips down onto the paper. I wipe at it, and read,

Clearly, you are smarter than you look. I know that you followed all of the instructions. Make sure you bring that bookbag with you wherever you go, or we will make life very difficult for you.

You have to go to the next location to get your next clue. Yes, there is more to this than you expected, we know. Contain your anger. Go to llaM ehT dniheB. Decode it.

Are you going to go to the next location? Of course you are! We know you more than you might ever know about yourself. Things about you, your boyfriend, your parents even.

Very obviously, you want to keep going with your mission.

Smart ideas will either help you or hurt you. Don't overthink it.

-M & D

This is getting tiring. I sigh, throw the letter into my bag, and jump into the car. llaM ehT dniheB? I pull out the letter again, and hold it up to my rear view mirror. "Behind the Mall" flashes back at me. I turn the truck back on and step on the gas once again.

***

I reach the mall after 15 minutes. I turn my truck to the area behind it and get out. A window has another letter taped to it. The shocking red ink, the bright white paper. I read,

This is your last clue. Go to the place you two met.

-M & D

It's a short one. And I get in my car, driving to the abandoned warehouse that my boyfriend and I met.

On my way, I look around. No one else is one the road with me. After 45 minutes, I reach the old, rusty red warehouse and walk inside. I don't see anything. I can't see anything. I pull out my flashlight, and look around. I hear my footsteps echoing in the hallway. Then it hits me. M and D. Mom and dad. They're alive. I run around, looking for them, Christy, Brandon, and the rings that bonded my family together. When I turn the corner, I scream. Brandon, Christy, my mom and dad all hang, strung from the ceiling. Their throats are slit and their skin is pale. For moments I stand there, thinking of the darkness of the black of the ropes, the shocking red color, the bright, paleness of the skin.


Find the hidden code. No, it isn't who the letters are, and no it isn't the Back of the Mall. In one of the letters, you will find a hidden code. Hint: Words start conversations. Comment what you think the answer is and I will tell you if you got it right or not. Level: easy

March 19, 2021 12:58

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4 comments

Michael Boquet
21:36 Mar 24, 2021

First off, you certainly don't write like a twelve year old. I like how the colors from the title play through the whole story. The secret code is a nice touch, but I was a little confused, what's the code for? The climax is shocking though doesn't make a lot of sense and then the story is just over. One suggestion I have, you have a lot of unnecessary details sprinkled throughout the story. Although creative, it gets in the way of the build up of tension. Even so, you managed to pull off a nice level of suspense. I couldn't figure ou...

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Annabelle Otero
11:35 Mar 25, 2021

Thank you Michael! I really love this feedback. The code is just for fun, to add a little something extra at the end. It had nothing to do with the climax of the story, but it gets people really looking back at what happened in the story. Thank you for your comment!

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17:09 Mar 25, 2021

Was it '' behind the mall ''

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Annabelle Otero
13:56 Mar 29, 2021

Nope! Good guess though :)

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