Led by Deception

Led by Deception

Everyday on my way to work in Downtown Cleveland. There would be this gentlemen who many people referred to as Willie the Wino sitting at the bus stop, that I assumed waiting to go to work in a wheelchair. He had his two expensive titanium prosthetic legs laying across his lap. I always wondered where he could possibly be going to work and what could he possibly do if he had a real job. Come to think about it he was never at the bus stop on Mondays.

One day I decided to ask him what he did for a living. He took a long sip of wine from the brown bag bottle he drank from. When he was done sipping he said. If you really and truly want to know what I do for a living there’s two things you gotta do. Are you willing to do those two things he asked? I say it all depends on what the two things in which you want me to do are. He looks at me an laughs. Your quite clever young man. Give me a dollar and hang with me for an entire day. I thought about it for a minute. Then we shook hands. I called off work because I could because I was the boss of my own Jewelry Store. I handed him the dollar while the bus driver locked him and the wheelchair up.

We get off the bus at Terminal Towers. He says, it looks pretty good this day I should pull in a lot of cash. No sooner than we get off the bus this guy wearing a $2,000 Armani double breasted suit hands Willie a crisp $20 dollar bill. He tells me to push him in the corner so that the paying customers will know where he was situated at.

Time after time people were putting money into his huge Maxwell House tin can. He says that we’ll be leaving this spot at 9:30am so that we can go to his real job. He collects over $270 dollars in the 2 and a half hours, where he set up his panhandling shop. Back on the bus we went. One thing I could attest to is time really seemed to fly.

We caught the bus and headed for East Cleveland. He pulled the cord from his sit down position and the bus stopped directly in front of Willie’s Super Cuts. There was a small line as he opened the caged that secured his barber shop. When we got inside he started cussing because none of his barbers had arrived. This is bad for business he said. I give them bums Monday off. Why is that Willie I chimed in. Why are most barber shops closed on Monday? Good question young man. There has always been much speculation on why, traditionally, barbershops are closed on Mondays, but for the most part, it came about due to simple logic. Most businesses were closed on Sundays for religious and family observances. Having a barbershop open on Saturday accommodated men who would be working during the week and unable to get their hair cut or their beard trimmed during weekday hours. In order to have two consecutive days off, shops instead closed on Mondays. It is likely this was standardized when barbershops became part of the union in the late 1880’s, and for many shops, that tradition continues even without union rules.

By the way what you saw me drinking in that brown bag was coffee. Its all about the illusion you give people. He introduce me to his three employees. The first one was Jake Youngblood a 52 year old Jazz Guitarist from Eastaboga is located in Alabama. Eastaboga, Alabama has a population of 4,397. Alabama is the sixth poorest state in the United States. Then with some reluctance he introduced me to Cadillac Jack, his real name being Norman Buckwell. He was proud to say that he owns 22 vintage Cadilacs. Willie said, if you’re late one more time to work, you’ll be sleepin in one of those old gas guzzlers you don’t really have. He was from Natchez, Mississippi. The city ranks as having the 4th lowest median income in the state. He proudly stated that he was the son of a sharecropper. Some little boy no older than 4 years old asked what the hell is a sharecrapper. After everyone calm down from the use of his ghetto taught language. Cadillac’s Explanation: The reality is that sharecropping was former slave owners' way of recreating slavery under a different name in order to keep their source of labor. However, there were some improvements. In terms of the labor itself, former slaves had slightly more independence because they got to work their own portion of land. Willie asked, the little boy why aren’t you in school? The little boy jumps out of the chair he was sitting in, with his hands on his little hips. Shouts cause my lazy ass mama don’t got no damn job, so I can’ts go to pre-school. Everyone laughed about 3 minutes. Everyone except the little boy’s mother who spanked him right in front of everyone and left. The third person Willie introduced me too was Whitney Davis. She proclaimed to be the first cousin of Paris Hilton. Whitney, butted in and said, you remember when that lying fool Cadillac try to tell us he brought that pink Cadillac from the poor black lady that Elvis Presley was supposed to have given her. She was from Beverly Hills, California. Fell in love with a black stripper called Mint Chocolate and got disowned by her wealthy parents. I say its quite possible Mr. Cadillac is telling the truth because Elvis gave Mary Jenkins his maid who is black and the cooks six cars including three Cadillacs. He also gave his dentist and jeweler cars. Willie shouted young man, what you done started? Now we got the only person in the world who co signed his lie. Hey, Willie! Cadillac shouts! I like your new friend. He ain’t no friend of mine. He’s a trader.

The old dude sitting in Whitney’s barber chair said, who traded Bernie Kosar? The former quarter back of the Cleveland Browns. Who? Shouted Jake? That dude been retired since the turn of the century. That what you need to be doing if you can’t get to work on time. Willie shouted! Yawl see me here bright and early and I ain’t got no legs. I got them blown clean off at the knees in the Korean war. Now that was a real war. You got them leg shot off because you got caught climbing out of the window of Jayne Kennedy’s mother’s Virginia Harrison bedroom window in Willoughby, Ohio. Butt naked and all. (Jayne Kennedy Overton is an American television personality, actress, model, corporate spokeswoman, producer, writer, public speaker, philanthropist, beauty pageant titleholder and sports broadcaster. Kennedy won a 1982 NAACP Image Award for Outstanding Actress in a Motion Picture award for her performance as Julie Winters in the 1981 film Body and Soul co-starring alongside her then husband Leon Isaac Kennedy). Everyone starts laughing as Mayor Frank Jackson takes a seat in Willie’s chair.

The Mayor said it’s good to see everyone in good spirits around here for a change. We’d be in better spirits if you helped them young people to get jobs.

Mayor Jackson asked Willie to just take a little off the top and don’t leave me with a crooked hair line. He can’t help it Jake says, because he’s becoming blind as a bat. The old guy in Whitney’s barber chair said, bats see by radar. I said, I beg the difference. Some species of bats use their keen sense of hearing to both navigate and find food in a process called echolocation. Echolocation is the combined use of morphology (physical features) and sonar (Sound Navigation and Ranging) that allows bats to "see" using sound. A bat uses its larynx to produce ultrasonic waves that are emitted through its mouth or nose. Some bats also produce clicks using their tongues.

What you some kind of ophthalmologist or something. Hey, Henry that’s an eye doctor Mayor Jackson shouts at the hard of hearing Henry. Everyone starts laughing again. I say no I took a few courses in Ornithology the branch of zoology that concerns the study of birds in college.

The mayor says it’s about time someone ventured into your ghetto establishment with some common sense. Watch it Frank! Willie says! I know what part of the hood you grew up in. Your new friend  ain’t got too much sense, if he paid that conniving Willie 200 bucks for allowing him to push him around town Jake says. What you say your name was again Whitney asked? I replied, Blane. That’s a weird name some customer shouted while climbing into Jakes chair.  

The CD movie selling Waldo the Magnificent enters the barber shop and points at me and said. Ain’t you the dude that sells that cheap jewelry on the corner of Prospect and Euclid Ave. That gold chain I brought turned my neck green. It wasn’t the chain that Blair over there sold you Cadillac said. It because you ain’t washed your filthy neck ever since your old lady left town with that dude that fixes old washing machines. Everyone starts laughing as Waldo McFarland walks out slamming the door.

Why you go there Cadillac? Willie says. You know darn well that man ain’t got over the fact that it was that weed smoking Jamaican mailman who stole his Chinese wife. That’s what happens when you get one of them mail ordered brides in the mail Jake said. Everyone laughs again. Mayor Jackson said, I could have sworn in court or to the Chamber of Commerce, she was Japanese.

Just when Mayor Jackson stood up to leave. His bodyguard/driver came in and said boss I think we better go out the back door because that meddlesome Miss Fannie Lewis and her cronies are outside protesting. (Ohio Supreme Court overturns Cleveland’s Fannie Lewis law, siding with state legislature. Cleveland’s ordinance, known as the Fannie M. Lewis Cleveland Employment Law, required companies with contracts over $100,000 to provide city residents at least 20 percent of the total construction hours on the project or the city could reduce payment by up to 2.5 percent of the contract’s price. Other city ordinances allowed Cleveland to terminate the contract or disqualify contractors from future bidding if they failed to meet the hiring standard. Mayor Jackson was rumored not to support that crazy spinster’s Law, behind her back). Willie say Frank how many times did I tell you not to drive that Limo around here. Everyone laughs again as Mayor Jackson slipped out of the back door.

That cheap skate thinks he slick. Ain’t nobody out there protesting he just didn’t want to pay the 20 dollars and tip. His flunky knows just when to come in and rescue him. Look out that door and see if you see anyone. He ain’t all that important in these parts. Again, the laughter. How you think he got to be Mayor in the first place. Everyone laughed again.

This went on until lunch time when Willie told me we have to run some errands. Every day, I have to surprise my employees because they don’t know what Willie Super Cuts I’ll be coming too.

We said our goodbyes and got into Willies modified custom van. Inside he took over the driver seat from one of the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. He introduced me to his eldest daughter Lila.

Later that day at his Bratenahl Place Condominium, he said that he owns 5 Willie Super Cuts barbershops and a car dealership throughout Cleveland. Then he said if you didn’t learn one thing from me today I share with you young man, it’s all about the perception you give people. The only question I asked was why did he hand a slip of paper to anyone who put money into his can. He smiled at me and said I give them 3 digit lottery numbers just like the fortune cookies do. Everyone needs to buy a little hope.