Most of Us Are Strangers

This was just another hookup, something to take me from the hardships of work and just take a load off. He came and picked me up from my barracks room late Friday night and I thought I was just going to relieve some stress, just do a quickie and get it over with. Since I’ve joined I’ve been working these long twelve, thirteen hour days. It gets rough, coming home to an empty room, knowing your family’s over a thousand miles away, a young sailor can only handle so much of the abyss. When he picked me up his eyes were a little hazy and it was obvious that he was drinking, not enough for slurring and stumbling but just enough for things to get soft and blurry, enough to numb that same pain. I guess we all deal with it in different ways. Or it could just be something about me, after all, nobody really chooses me when they're sober. I opened the car door and sat myself down, "hey." I'm usually really awkward at small talk, I really just want to get to the point, get in, get out, and probably feel guilty the next morning, same routine, different week. Even though it always feels right in the moment, the satisfaction never lasts, it gets harder and harder to find. I could see his blonde hair and pale skin in the darkness of the car, his figure was beautiful, a lean body with tender cheeks and a warm presence. He flashed that smile, I flushed a shade of red, I always get so flustered when anyone shows me some affection, authentic or not "hey." he said back, so simply. “Ready to go?” “Yea. I’m ready” I nodded my head. I don’t know what makes him feel different, but I haven’t felt this warm right away with someone from this app before. His house was just a few miles off base, I was looking out the window at first, just staring up at the stars and trees moving so fast by the car, but then he started singing, and I couldn't help but turn and stare while he sang off key. He didn’t have a care in the world, what I would give to be more like that. So I just watched, a cheeky smile on my crimson face. We made it to his house, I couldn’t hold a friendly laugh when he got the key stuck in the door trying to lock it again, he just laughed it off too and I helped him out. I put my jacket down on the floor, I never know where to put my hands when they’re empty and, being as tall as I am, my body always feels awkward and clumsy. He threw a pillow to the side of the couch, "I'm gonna use the head, you can put the tv on or whatever, make yourself comfortable." "I... What do you wanna watch?" He was already heading upstairs and turned to me laughing "I am in no condition to make any decisions tonight, it's up to you buckaroo, but, I do have a surprise for you, something I’ve been practicing." I went to urge an answer from him again, but he was already out of sight. I sat on the couch wondering what this surprise was. I heard the faucet turn on above and quickly put on a show from a channel when I was a kid. Then the sound of, strings? He came down with a wide smile on his face, instrument in hand. “Heck yea, I haven't seen this show in forever." He sat down on the couch right next to me, strumming at the ukulele, humming to a song that I couldn’t recognize. He finished his short song and put the instrument over to the side of the couch, then he sat back up and just stared at the tv. We weren't too close but after a few minutes he just laid down on my chest. That loneliness from my room, the pain of feeling I never do anything right at work, that I'm never good enough, for just a moment it was gone. I put my one hand by his waist, and the other up on his head. I wasn't hurting, yearning for something to fill that hole for just another minute. I felt warm, things were bright, his blonde hair was burning on my chest, my hand felt the softness and it crawled down my arm into my heart. “It took me a few weeks to learn that, think it earned an applause?” I chuckled “oh really? I’d give it a six.” He sat up, giggly “that’s it?” “alright, like a seven” he made an ‘oh really’ face and I spoke again “like a solid seven.” He laid back down “better be.” I couldn’t get that stupid goofy grin off my face, this is the best I’ve felt in years. I had to talk to him about this, how I feel. "You're um," he turned and looked up at me, I had to look away "sorry, I just-" he cut me off, turning my eyes to his "don't be." he smiled, the seriousness gone “you’re so silly” and he leaned in, I leaned back, scared if I'm honest, but looking into his eyes, I leaned right in, and he kissed me, it felt real. It was the warmth of a long hug, the taste of mint and booze but nonetheless, I felt loved. We fell asleep watching cartoons, him still leaning on my chest, we never even made love, honestly I think we both realized that it’s not really the thing we needed. We weren’t even upset, I finally found someone that loves me, someone to be my best friend. The next day he drove me back to my barracks room on base, again I heard his voice, this time I sang along with him. It’s been years and even though we never were more intimate than that night, we’ve been there for each other. On a hard day he would pick me up or I’d jog a few miles over to his apartment and we would just talk, laugh and watch cartoons. I learned how he liked his coffee, he taught me to play guitar, I taught him how to cook and he showed me how to fix the car. Even though I may be better at video games, I know to let him win every once in a while for his pride so he wants to keep playing. Now I've got my little cowboy, and I’ll always be his big ol' buckaroo.