Creative Nonfiction Funny Drama

Dear diary,

So yesterday was a memorable day and I forgot to share it with you. Though I wished it would never have come, it did and it’s behind us now. Siz Nel felt the family needed to come together; just like old times before we grew breasts and knew we needed to cover our bosom; so, she organized what should have been a family get together. Immediately she informed me, I was sure it was a bad idea that would not be received well by the rest. Surprisingly, everyone else was on board and she was informing me last, to be certain it would be a complete kin night. I pondered on the idea and irresolutely accepted.

Family, word meaning what? The last time I remember speaking to any of them was that time Nel called me to inform me of the dinner night. Ever since mum and dad divorced, life took a complete anticlockwise one eighty turn for us. A duo went with dad while the other two stayed with mum; and that’s how the sibling bond that had been covalently forming was devoured. The first two, Nel and Lyn, were with dad; while the last two, Ash and I were with mum. Ash is the youngest.

On Friday I gave Nessa the weekend off, the abode was sparkling clean, and I didn’t have any reason to say no when she asked to go visit her Mama and children. She had meal prepped all the meals I had asked her to; this would serve as food while she was home away from work. It’s not like I can’t cook or something, I'm a bee; all my twenty-four hours are schedule with some activity and making time to cook isn’t among my top most priorities. The triplet nights Nessa was away, were the scariest I have had in quite a while. I had to sleep with the lights on and some music in the background.

Come the anticipated Sunday, I woke up as the clock struck nine in the morning. That was the latest my melatonin could allow me lie down, doing all but none. I actually woke up at five to make the room colder so that I could sleep some more, from then on, I had fitful sleep. The last sounds I remember hearing were Alexa’s robotic voice, “Wake up TEE, You cannot conquer while you sleep, GET UP, a little sleep, a little slumber, a…” If there is a verse in the Holy book that sends shivers down my spine, then that’s the one. But it was Sunday and I decided to give Alexa the cold shoulder.

Some Weetos (breakfast cereal) in my flawless pinky bowl, spilt milk on the counter top, and pieces of grapes everywhere; and breakfast was done. I sat in the living room to watch TV. Scanning through the channel list, I accidentally pressed on Disney Junior, my gosh where were my spectacles, “…I was a girl in the village doing alright then I became a princess overnight… I'M SO EXCITED TO BE SOFIA THE FIRST”, as I squeakily sang the prelude, I recalled Ash and I singing it while we lived with mum. “You never get tired of this cartoon”, mum would frivolously say.

Looking through my to-do list, there was one thing I was avoiding; I went to the basement and hit the treadmill for a perfect thirty minutes while listening to some old school R&B mix. Dived into the shower, dressed up in a not worn before subtle long-sleeved purple dress that I picked up at Mr. Price one evening as I was coming home from work; I then slipped my feet into the black moccasins at the bottom of the shoe rack. Purse clutched, I passed by the seller and grabbed my most precious of them all, which I ended up drinking alone anyway, old is good.

After locking the door and confirming it was locked, I cranked up the engine and made my way to Nel’s house. Nel and hubby had done well for themselves; they were the epitome of successful marriages. They had four girls who brought even more life to their grandeur six-bedroom, seven-bath, three-powder room, two gourmet chef’s kitchen bungalow home, complete with a seven-slot car garage, already packed with three, living the rest for the guests. They had several successful businesses, including a catering business, and very few marriage scandals, compared to Lyn’s & Kev’s. Contemplating on her life, I would sometimes feel the gap of not having a better half, but these thoughts would vanish as quick as lightning strikes when I considered Lyn’s & Kev’s marriage.

As I made my way to the venue, I was champing on some pringles chips, mirthful to be out of the house heading somewhere other than work. I gaily sang the lyrics of all the songs that played on the radio; that was my playlist.

I landed at Nel’s house around 5pm. Flossed my teeth and brushed off the crumbles on the side of my mouth, and made my way into the house. Dad and his ‘new wife’; Lyn & Kev and their identical twins had already arrived. That explained the additional two cars I saw in the garage.

Daktari! Welcome! Karibu ndani,” Nel said as she received me with both hands, drawing everyone’s attention from the programme playing on the sixty-four-inch Tv that had been seamlessly installed in the purplish marble wall, to me. My nieces, who had already started bonding, were giving me the stares a new prisoner receives when they arrive in their new home. They had probably been introduced to so many new faces at one go.

Thanks, Siz… How are you?

Am fine… long time… Kids, meet aunt Tee

Huh, another stranger!” Kate, Nel’s lastborn, said as she smiled sheepishly. She was well grown compared to last when I saw her.

Hey Tee. You look amazing… love that dress” Lyn

Hii…(blushingly) this old thing

I said hello to Nel’s hubby, Kev, dad and new wife, and took a seat a few inches form Lyn. We began chatting, at first just prating about the nation, the world and other not family connected stuff. Red wine was served for the adults while the kids got glasses of juice similar color, which they ludicrously thought was the same as what we were having.

As we were about to have a toast, we heard clamorous noises coming from the main doors’ direction. Mum and Ash arriving in style. Btw, Ash still lives with mum.

“…Hello guys, so welcome or welcome back to my You Tube channel, if you are new Karibu sana, and if you are a returning subscriber thank you so much. So taday, we are having a family get together; and as I promised, it’s a livestream vid,” concluded Ash as she started pointing the purse-sized camera to our direction. We stood there puzzled, throwing “that is so inappropriate” glares at her. Not Lyn though. She proceeded to where Ash was and clumsily grabbed the camera. Ash didn’t see that coming. Then began the family squabbles and before anyone could pacify the situation, some woman walked right in, her face beaming with makeup.

“Mum, kindly tell Lyn to hand me back my cam’ra. I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to…”

Hold up, did she just say mum! What? Did she have another new mum or something?

Hello my children, sorry am late” sassily said ‘mum?"

Well, her voice was the same, but not her physique. Others didn’t mind and I wondered why? So, I conspiratorially whispered a question to Nel, who by this time I was standing next to, “What happened to mum?” “Wait; you don’t know? She had liposuction, and a nose job, then a face lift, then her boobs and butt and… she basically had full body plastic surg. You mean you don't follow her on Instagram and Facebook?

What? I literally raised my hand to remove my spectacles so as to see clearly; perhaps they were doing more harm than good. Realizing I didn’t have my glasses on, I innovatively transformed my already raised hand to a fan, and began fanning away the instantaneous shock that engulfed me. Instagram and Facebook; since when? I need an active social life.

Daughter, our one and only Neurosurgeon in the fam. How are you? You’re looking hot in that dress… You seem thinner. Don’t you eat?” said mum as she extended her hands to embrace me.

H-e-l-l-o… m… mu-m


(Ding! Ding!)

Dinner is served. Since it was an al fresco dining, we all headed to the shaded well-furnished picturesque garden area. There was a long table on which golden bowls containing different delicacies were displayed. It was the serving area; and a stone throw distance from there was the sitting/dining area.

After everyone had served and we were all seated, dad led a prayer and we began eating and drinking. Mum twisted her mouth at the sight of new wife, and new wife retaliated by eyeing mum derisively. The ‘mothers in the building’ were ensuring their kids were not spilling food on themselves as they ate, and they also aided those who could not feed themselves. I ate my meal, which was delicious, face down, not wanting to catch the awkward glances being passed across the red table.

The only sounds made were those of the stainless-steel spoons hitting the ceramic plates; and of the young ones, who don’t understand table manners, no matter how many times you teach them.

Who were this people I was dining with?

June 30, 2021 01:01

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