Of Bestfriends and Nemeses

Johnny watches the popsicle in his hand melt away with utter disgust and curses the day he decided to leave his super awesome Batcave to venture out in the open. Kids, obnoxious and annoying, are frolicking about the tiny play area. And chatty old ladies yapping away with yarns of would-be-sweaters. And couples with no self-respect displaying unnatural amounts of PDA.

 Gosh! The world is out to annoy him today!

“I hate summers,” he mutters under his breath, throwing the popsicle on the ground.

“Hey!” A loud smack across his forehead makes him scowl but Johnny is too annoyed with the heat to even move, let alone extract his annihilator gun and shoot the offender with it. “Stop littering will you?! There are kids watching!”

Johnny then sends a side glare to his friend and groans at the sun beating down right at the crown of his head. “Like I care!” He yells, smacking his friend at the nape of his neck. “I told you I didn’t wanna go out! I hate summers and the sun and these iron benches! Why can’t they just make them out of wood!? I’m already depressed without having you drag me out to melt in the sun!”

His friend shakes his head, nonchalant about the exchange because he’s used to his friend's dramatics, and continues eating his ice cone. “You need fresh air, Johnny,” the man says, watching the little kids playing in the play area. He’s always been so fond of them, they remind him of his little sister before teenage hormones destroyed her. “Besides, I should be the one whining, not you! My lair just got bombed! I have no place to stay the night, and my girlfriend is mad at me because I chose to attend my niece’s recital in lieu of helping her with the bank robbery last week! And my best friend is acting like an obnoxious baby!”

Johnny looks at his friend from his sprawling position in the hot iron bench (that he’s chosen to stay seated in out of pure spite) and sighs standing up. “Benny, my darling,” he says, placing an arm around his scrawny friend’s shoulders. “You have the patience of a mountain lion that’s been watching his prey for fifteen hours straight and hasn’t attacked yet, despite starving.”

Benny smirks at that, rolling his eyes and continues to walk, dragging Johnny behind him. “And let me guess: you’ve got the patience of a dog on steroids.”

Johnny chooses not to grace that with an answer. Instead, he continues letting Benny drag him under a wooden gazebo, that — to his horror — is crowded with several middle-aged women playing Go. He’s always hated middle-aged women.

“Let’s go there,” He says, pulling his friend away towards the public watering holes. “I’m thirsty, and you talk too much!”

Benny shakes his head endearingly and lets Johnny guide him toward the water fountains. With the sun beating down his neck, and sweat flowing by the side of his forehead, he’s just as peeved by the heat of the day.

Alas! Luck really seems to be against the pair as Johnny bends down to drink some water and the fountain doesn’t work. He glares at Benny offendedly as if his friend is the sole reason he's unable to rehydrate himself.

Benny is quick to move away as if talking to an injured animal with his hands out in front of his body and his eyes focused on Johnny. "Oh come! It's not my fault you're having an ass of a day!"

At his words, Johnny faux-growls and ruffles his hair angrily. "I know that!" he screams and too soon loses all sense of his anger as he explains, "it's just that they're planning on setting me up with a sidekick cuz apparently I'm not strong enough to fight the city's obnoxious villain," he gives Benny a pointed look as he rants..

Benny rolls his eyes bored, and shrugs as he agrees, “well I'm a supervillain what do you expect?”

“I expect Fairplay, my friend!”

This time Benny rolls his eye and crosses his arms across his chest while eyeing his friend as if he were the dumbest human on earth. “What exactly is Fairplay to you?” He doesn't let Johnny talk and simply speaks over him, “I told you I'd be destroying the ice cream trucks over at block 25 almost an hour before the attack. What else should I have done? Gone to the place unarmed?”

Clearly, Johnny is at a loss for replies because he scrunches his lips and bites them as he mutters, “you could've told me about the assimilator. I almost got my neck fractured while saving that kid from the falling ice cream cone.”

Guilt and regret paint over Benny’s face as he ducks his head ashamed and apologizes. “I- I guess I went a little too… hard huh?” When Johnny simply nods with a pout Benny huffs a sigh and continues, “man, Melissa wasn't answering the phone again. And I thought she was out with some guy but turns out she was staging a burglary in a bank in Milan. And... hmph… we got into a fight.”

“Tough.”

“You don't know it.”

Johnny nods his head in understanding as they continue walking aimless under the trees that at least give them some semblance of safety from the dreaded sun. The silence between isn't awkward but the way the two of them try to squeeze into the narrow walkway to escape the sun could give any cliche best friend's movie moment a run for its money.

“Still, it would be nice if you tell me when you're in a bad mood the next time you attack the city,” Johnny says and Benny nods tiredly in quiet agreement at that. “And don't take it out on the kids will you!? It's distracting to fight you with their voices echoing around me! And I can't even tell them to fuck off because I have a reputation to maintain!”

He chuckles uncomfortably, lamely pushing his friend as he says, "come on, man. That's just my job. You know I didn't wanna hurt you that day. It was just an assignment." He peeks at his friend and when he sees the frown still deep-set into Johnny's forehead he bites his lips. "Look, I'll go easier on you next time? Man, it's just cuz of the new weapons intern in our department. He makes these amazing weapons and it's just... you know I can't blow my cover by acting like a novice and not using them properly or anything, right?"

Like an adamant child, Johnny huffs again and nods his head, mumbling a quiet, "promise?" To which Benny quickly gives a nod.

Johnny gives the other man a small smile and the two continue towards the basketball court. Their destination arrives soon and Benny successfully charms a little group of toddlers into giving them fifteen minutes with the ball and the two friends play a game of snatch with the toy. Because neither is athletic enough to play.

Within fifteen minutes the two friends are heaving and have collapsed ungracefully on the tarmac. 

It burns the skin on the backs but the breeze is finally nice enough for them to not want to get up. The two friends close their eyes and enjoy the kaleidoscope behind their closed eyes that the sun creates for.

Minutes pass away as the two continue to enjoy the silence of each other's company. Too soon, however, their quiet time is interrupted by a couple of rude teenagers that demand they leave the court if they don't plan on playing any longer. And where Johnny is ready to pummel them into the tarmac, Benny becomes the voice of reason, pulling his friend away towards the front of the park again.

The swing set is now empty, so they two make a beeline for the playground and each takes a seat. The park is emptier now, and the offending sun is much lower in the horizon too. A cool breeze is blowing their sweat away and pushing their swings.

It is Johnny who breaks their silence then, "so when's the next bank robbery or kidnapping or destruction of the Tri-State Area?"

Benny raises an eyebrow at his friend and smirks evilly. "Soon," he says, relishingly in the obvious annoyance in his friend's expression.

Johnny whines asking again. "Come on! You said you'd go easy on me! You gotta give me a heads up, man!"

"I never said I'd tell you what I was gonna do? Or when I'd do it," Benny shrugs, pushing his feet and swinging back with a maniacal laugh. "You'll come prepared then."

"You lying asshole!" Johnny yells at his best friend and the two continue spitting curses at each other until the sky turns obsidian. Their fight continues through the night as they continue playing on the swings, then the slides, then the basketball court and then the merry-go-round.

The city goes to sleep as the two continue goofing around all night.

Unaware that the morning is going to bring a deadly robot infestation by the city's evil and maniac supervillain, the citizens sleep peacefully, knowing that their lovely, neighbourhood superhero will be there to save the day.