6 comments

Suspense Thriller Crime


It was Christmas season, and Alex Orto just finished his shift at work; he was already excited to go home and read his books, which he ordered online. He was always fond of them since he was a kid; knowing things around him and understanding the world and different perspectives still fascinated him.

"Christmas season couldn’t get any duller," He murmured, adjusting his glasses as soon as he arrived in his apartment from work. “Same shit, different day." He checked the time, and it was already 7 pm, and he can already hear his stomach rumble; that made him cook a good meal and soup to satisfy his hunger and cold.

He was having his meal until a knock came unto the door.

It was his neighbor, Alan. "Hey someone dropped this by earlier, said it’s for you." Alex was excited as his fiction books about crime and law already arrived. Alex immediately put his palm on the parcel, to rip it off, but he was interrupted by Alan, who said, "Don't open it here" Alex can sense the panic in Alan's eyes. “The courier said that you should only open it when you're alone” He continued, stuttering. Alex just shrugged and thanked him for his kindness.

He was weirded out by how his neighbor reacted to this delivery. Usually, he doesn't act like that when he hands out my delivery items. “Oh well, Alan is going to be Alan, I guess" Alex said, trying not to think of it anymore.

He ripped the parcel off and was shocked to find a bundle of books and a letter, sealed in wax with a symbol of a cleaver in it. His brows furrowed as he gets more perplexed and curious. He put the book aside on the table and read what’s transcribed in the letter.

Much to his surprise, it was an inheritance note from Harry Orto. He was not familiar with the name, but it offered him a hefty amount of cash and a large manor to be inherited to him. He bet it was a relative of him that he couldn't remember in family reunions. Alex wasn't that friendly in his teenage years, the type of nerd that aces his exams and goes home and plays games and reads books, but now he’s practicing to be more outgoing to get much in life. “Now I understood why it was this important” He chuckled. "The courier did a pretty job putting this letter in my package” He plastered a smile on this unprecedented event, but a question still lingers on his mind.

"But why me?”

Alex then washed the dishes and took a nice cold bath before positioning himself on the couch to ponder about the coordinates of the letter if he should go or not. "I think it's not really for me, and this must be a mistake” But he knew for sure that it’s time for a change. He can't bear to live just to exclude himself from what’s really in the outside world. He knew it was worth the risk.

He then packed his bags later that evening and went to bed. He read a chapter of the book that he bought and then went on to get a good night's sleep.

Early morning, he then went to the station to follow where the coordinates pinpointed on his smartphone, but he gets a strange feeling that he's been followed. The danger of being robbed and murdered made him anxious that he wants himself to back out and burn the letter and never talk about it again, but he knew inside himself that he doesn't want to be a wimp any more. "Damn, its Alex; get a hold of yourself" He mumbled softly, sitting patiently inside the train.

It was not soon after that he eventually got to the countryside; it was already a late afternoon. The manor was sitting top of the hill at the town beneath it. Alex was smiling deep inside, imagining the right view when he gets to own the place. “I guess this is the coordinates.”

He then decided to eat at a local restaurant before he went to the manor. While he was eating, two men carrying an envelope confronted him at his table, men who had plain casual outfits that don't even stand out. They took a seat, “Good day, do you perhaps know Harry Orto” They immediately asked him.

Alex was pretty anxious to see these guys and stuttered the word "Y-yes”

“What are you to him exactly?" The other man who's wearing aviators asked.

"I"-I was just invited t-to his manor "Alex kept on stuttering as his anxiety gradually increases, and can't look straight at them.

“Oh, are you the maid’s boyfriend or something" he retorted.

"Don't worry; we won't hurt you." The man carrying the envelope assured. "We are just doing an investigation post-mortem. Since he's been suspected of being the Mad Butcher." He then presented the documents to Alex, which made him mortified and wanting to puke at the gruesome pictures.

“Okay, that's enough," He arranged the documents back inside the envelope. "We’re going to assume that you’re here because of your girlfriend, but if you do have any suspicions about the place being a place of crime, please do call us here, and we’d break down the place.” The man in aviator explained.

Alex just nodded in response.

“Here’s our calling card; just give us the go signal.”

Alex wanted quits, but he knew that there’s something more to the story. He read about the mad butcher when he was in college; it was on the news headlines for years as his rampage and massacre made a whole city in a state of emergency. He was never before intrigued since the cases were never solved until it disappeared gradually.

“Before we go, what’s your name, kid?”

“Alex Fischer,” Alex lied; he knew he would be in deep trouble if they told him the truth.

“Okay, Fischer. Godspeed.” The man carrying the envelope then proceeded and went out.

The man in aviators looked at him for a minute before following his partner.

Alex proceeded to the manor as he intended and was greeted by the housemaid.

“You must be Alex Orto? I’ve been expecting you.”

Alex nodded and asked, “Am I actually the recipient for the inheritance?”

The housemaid chuckled and invited Alex in. The manor was pretty elegant inside; it was like a brand-new furbished home with a Victorian-like design. Alex was then led to an enormous bookshelf that has specific numbers on them.

“Did you bring the letter?”

“Yes”

“There are numbers encrypted on the last portion of the letter, pick those three books out from numbers in the bookshelf, and we’ll talk about your inheritance.”

Alex then gladly obliged and picked out the books that were stated in the letter. The books had simple but weird titles. The first one was titled, “Kill the hen.” The second one was, “Be your own flesh,” and the last one being, “Praise the neighbor.”

“Study those in books until midnight, and you’ll have your inheritance. That is if you have the guts.” The housemaid cheerfully said mockingly.

Alex was then directed to the study room of the manor; much to his surprise, it was all about the theories of murder, psychological and dark manipulation, and steps on how to hide a body and get away with it. Alex, to his surprise, was indulged in the topics that were presented to him. A part of him wanted to get away and call the investigators, but that meant a dull life and a never-ending cycle that rots hits soul in the process.

But this, to him,

It feels like an awakening inside. Alex didn’t realize it, but it was almost midnight, and he knew he had to prepare for what’s to come. He went to the living room and found the maid sitting there with her tea cup, waiting for him.

“I’m ready,” Alex said.

“Come with me to the cellar beneath.” The housemaid wryly smiled and put down her tea.

The cellar had a ton of locks, to begin with as if it was made to store gold inside. “Somethings waiting for me inside, and it’s mine.” Alex thought to himself with a sliver of confidence.

Once the cellar door opened, He can hear muffled screams inside. The housemaid then opened the lights, and there, Alex saw a naked girl with her hands and feet tied with a very tight rope, with her mouth covered with duct tape and a body full of bruises, desperately crying and screaming for help. There were tools for torture and butchering in a steel table with a rectangular box in the middle that needed a key to open.

 The housemaid then pulled out a gun and said, “It’s now or never, Alex. Take the key inside of her, or I put the lead inside you.” She then maniacally laughed.

But Alex stood in a calm demeanor, “No need for guns here.”

Alex slowly approached the girl and took off the tape. “Who are you? What’s your name?” Alex asked.

“Please help me!” She pleaded. “My name’s Janice Orto, and I was scammed from this inheritance scheme, please!! LET ME GO!” She cried in distress.

“But it wasn’t a scam, Janice. It was all true.” He laughed.

Alex proceeded to get the sizeable sharp cleaver on the table and slowly put it beside her.

“I’ll put you out of your misery, don’t worry. I’ll make it pleasurable.” Alex whispered inside her ear with a hint of dread in his tone. He slowly took off his clothes and slowly proceeded to put his manhood inside her walls. The girl screamed in agony, and Alex remarked, “Stop screaming, I haven’t cut you to pieces yet!”

He thrust inside of her hard and picked up the cleaver from her side. He tore her limb from limb as if slicing off an animal. Her cries can be heard inside the cellar with only the housemaid and Alex can listen to them. The housemaid was turned on by the sight of her new master and proceeded to play with herself in the process.

“Yes, master! Tear her apart!” She moaned in pleasure and played with herself while sliding her gun to the floor.

Alex has such zeal in his heart and eyes that the girl was barely unrecognizable. He reached his climax and shot his load right at her torn body as soon as the girl’s cries of despair disappeared.

It was already morning, and the birds were lively, chirping as the sun illuminates the horizon with a calm atmosphere.

“You’re now the successor of Harry Orto; what are your plans, young master?” The housemaid asked.

“I- “before Alex could reply, there was a knock at the front door.

“Ah, the twin blades.” She spoke.

“Twin blades?”

“Yes, the ones who confronted you at the town, they could’ve killed you if you called them.”

“Or end up like Janice.” He realized.

The housemaid invited them in and respectably greeted Alex.

“I guess you’re the perfect candidate to succeed, Harry.” The man in aviator said.

“More than perfect, to be exact,” The housemaid retorted.

“Not perfect actually. You should never lie to an investigation team; your poor lying skills could’ve given you off.” The other man said.

“That’s now in the past, so, is this one big circle?” Alex asked.

“Yes and no, this a circle for those who found true purpose in this god-forsaken world. We refuse to obey the norm. We can become gods of ourselves. We have the power to rule among them, and power to go beyond what we can imagine.” The man who carried the envelope explained.

“And no, because we fend off for ourselves until the next inheritance of our name is needed. We don’t merely kill just for fun; we kill for a purpose…sometimes,” the guy with the aviator continued chuckling.

“So, young master, what are your plans now?” The housemaid asked once again.

“Just what Harry inherited to me,” Alex sternly said.

“Specifically, what?”

“Kill your own neighbor.”

December 19, 2020 00:16

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6 comments

Daniel Roueche
17:17 Dec 24, 2020

This had a cool concept but it kept switching from past and present tense which made it hard to read. Also, I think the ending is too graphic. It made me feel a little sick to my stomach. I think toning it down a little would make the story stronger and easier for people to read.

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Sarcneal Mayson
18:18 Dec 24, 2020

Thanks Daniel! I'm a rookie when it comes to writing btw. This criticism will surely help me, I did what I had to do since I was racing against time. Now I realize what needs to be improvised. Thanks! :)

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Sarcneal Mayson
18:18 Dec 24, 2020

Thanks Daniel! I'm a rookie when it comes to writing btw. This criticism will surely help me, I did what I had to do since I was racing against time. Now I realize what needs to be improvised. Thanks! :)

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Sarcneal Mayson
18:18 Dec 24, 2020

Thanks Daniel! I'm a rookie when it comes to writing btw. This criticism will surely help me, I did what I had to do since I was racing against time. Now I realize what needs to be improvised. Thanks! :)

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Sarcneal Mayson
00:28 Dec 19, 2020

Sorry this was a bit rushed, I only knew about the prompt 10 hours before deadline. I want to spice it up a bit, but my body's drained since I started it late at night. Sorry for the grammatical errors though.

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