199 comments

Sad Friendship Happy

‹16 |2020| 11:59›

«❀28❀»

“I just want to die.”

Air condition fills the air… through my nose… A pointy needle pokes our arm as wires trail around our body. But you smile.

Before the clock hits 12 you turn to me and ask slowly- “What flowers do you want at your grave?”

You had never asked me that question before usually you told me to hope…to live like you wanted, like we all wanted at some point. But its been 16 teen years, that dream has come and gone. I’m still here.

“I…don’t know.” I responded, I have never thought of that question before.

“I see.” you responded weakly, the sleeping drug has started to take effect. “If this is the year you die, you must tell me what flower you want so when I visit you I…I can bring it to you.”

I glance outside, that’s true, but how many flowers are there? How could I possibly know which one I want? “What flower do you want on yours?”

“Anemone.”

“What?” I ask you.

“…nothing, goodnight.” you said as finally giving into the sleep.

“What does anemone mean? Is that a flower?” I asked to your seemingly lifeless body. Of course you didn’t respond, you wouldn’t have answered even if you were awake. You were a girl of a few words, you didn’t speak much. I couldn’t read your mind, I always asked you “What’s going on in your head?” but you always smiled with those blank eyes of yours, and replied; “Nothing.”

Anyone would believe you, in fact it sometimes surprises me how you always wanted to live… you didn’t care for much, your expression showed nothing but blank. We both had the same dream at one point; to leave this hospital. All kids had that dream… but when you see all those kids never reach that point, it kills a petal in you. When you watch your friends being carried away in a chair, lifeless. The memory never leaves you. But here is the thing…it was inevitable. Every child, person, or teenager in this section of the hospital are not expected to live pass their teens. Actually its a miracle in its own that I am still here…

But here is the real reason why I want to die. See, the thing is, I am never allowed to leave this hospital…and even if I do, it won’t be long before I pass out. My body is weak, I am hanging by a thread. But you are hanging on a thread thinner than my own…in fact the only thing keeping you alive is your will. Your will to live. While me? Well I guess its these machines.

I look at the clock… 11:59 clicks then 12:00, and it is now December 29. 2 more days until 2021, I look over at your little body… you can do it…I know you can. Just 2 more days.

«✿29✿»

“I just want to live”

You muttered out that early morning… your body looked weaker as the days went by. But mine somehow stayed the same.

“I just want to die.” I said in response to that. You side eyed me…I still remember the struggle it took just to do that, and you smiled.

I remember your ruffled hair. You had doubled black eye bags, and your arms showed more veins. I remember thinking in that moment “I wonder what I look like.” You didn’t look good at all.

You turned to me that day, I was prepared for your of guard statement but I was not prepared for this one. I watched you take me in, your eyes flew all over and landed on my eyes. “You look good” you said lightly.

I remember, your lingering look, your expecting eyes- pleading with me to say it back. I didn’t say it back, I couldn’t lie to you like you did to me. You turned away…I did the same, except I did it simply to hide my lingering tears.

“I want to live to see the new year. That’s all I want” you whispered.

Our personal nurse came in, you could tell the empathetic look on her face when she looked at you. I cursed her for being unable to hide her expressions. When she looked at me, I looked away. She was just another face, she will be replaced in a month. A month… I wondered if we had a month.

I cursed myself that evening…why was I getting better? Why were you dying. You were the one who wanted to live. You’ve always been the one…

Today you talked with a raspy tone…you used to have a smooth sweet tone, I remember. Your voice reminded me of beautiful sunshine and rainy clouds. But, that’s not what made your voice so extravagant… back then everything excited you even the painful surgeries and the cafeteria food, your voice had something most sick children did not; Life. Even though you wished for life now, you and I both know those are empty words… “I just want to live” are those words supposed to hide you from reality? Well…I guess, I too, am doing the same.

«❁30❁»

Today you cried… “I’m not going to live.” you repeated twice.

“Yes you will!” I said to you, trying to redeem myself since that day. “I know you will!”

“How would you know?! You want to die” you said in a loud voice. It was the loudest I had ever seen you talk. “The doctors…they talked to my parents…I don’t have much time left.”

“How much?” I blurted out. Tears stinging my eyes.

“Not enough…not enough to live. I have known that for quite sometime.”

“What does living even mean?” I asked you calmly.

“Living is…” you started off.

“Never mind, I’ll answer. Life to me, is doing something on your own…growing in mind and strength…Living is having a purpose. Living is…”

“Living is…?”

“Well…living is whatever you want it to be.” I said to you in a shrug. You glanced over at me, looked away and wiped your eyes.

“We aren’t doing that here.”

“Yes…but you can. We don’t have to be out there to live. You don’t.” I responded with ease. It was surprising…you were always the calm one. It must have been fate that we switched roles. Or maybe…repayment?

“But…I want to be out there.”

“Then…” I said as I thought to myself, “what could I possibly say to that?” the only words that came to mind was- “…break free”

To that you smiled. And that’s all that mattered.

«✿31❀»

New years eve.

You didn’t speak much at all today…and before I knew it, it was 9 pm. I fell asleep to the sound of the ticking clock, soon it would be new years. And you would see it too once you woke up.

11pm.

But…something told me to wake up. And I did, for once that whole week I sat up. But that was nothing compared to the sight beside me… your bed was empty. For a slight second I thought you had died but no…I felt your spirit. I felt your soul. I heard your voice.

So I got up and left too. I searched for you everywhere, in the bathrooms, in the Lunch room. In the kids hall. You were no where to be seen, as much as I wanted to ask one of the nurses for help- something told me I shouldn’t. I wouldn’t. Then something sparked…and I remembered what I said to you.

“…break free”

I dashed up the stairs, my weary legs were tired and my breath was leaving me but when I opened that door I knew… it was worth it.

There you were out on the roofs ceiling sitting below the stars and the moon with your pillows…

You didn’t have to turn around to know I was there, you didn’t have to speak for me to know you knew. I walked closer to you…you sat peacefully. When I got close enough you handed me your pillow with a smile.

“Join me.” you said. I took your pillow and sat on it…I too was under the stars. The buildings lit up with people waiting…waiting for the new year to change their problems. But here we were…waiting for the new year to come so we could let go.

“Why…” I asked you. The idea that you got up here with your wheelchair was baffling. And terrifying.

“I… I wanted to see them. Not through a glass window, but with my very own eyes. I broke free.”

I don’t respond and we sit there watching the view, sometimes life and time fly better in silence.

“You were right. I broke free.” you finally said.

“I’m happy for you.”

“Can I ask you something?” you said slowly. “What is it?”

“Why do you want to die?”

That night…I didn’t think the simplest words I spilled out on anger would have to be searched thoroughly for an answer. We sat in silence as you patiently waited for me to answer.

“Well…when I first said those words…I felt the same as you. I wanted to live but when I realized I couldn’t have that simple thing called life. I decided to despise it instead. While you…fantasied over it. When you told me you were going to…die. I wished badly I could die in your place. Die in place of all the people here who have to die.”

You laughed slightly. “That’s a terrible wish.” I could hear your heavy breathing, your not supposed to be out here…but I knew there was nothing I could possibly say to you now. You knew you were almost gone…you accepted it. The rest is my problem. I can’t accept it.

“That is not needed…I wouldn’t want that. And I don’t think any of your friends would have wanted that either. As for me…I have already accomplished all I need too. I have seen the stars… the moon. I have traveled 2 flights of stairs on my own, I have lived. And that’s all I ever wanted. I would never have realized that without you.” you say as you give out your hand patting my shoulder.

“I…” I whimper and start to cry my eyes out. I forcefully try to pull myself together, I am not the one about to die.

“May I ask of you one more last thing…?”

I nod as I wipe my eyes.

“This is rather selfish of me to ask…you can think it over it is not a must.”

“What is it?”

“Live for me…no- live for yourself, I will be much happier to know my only friend lived her life to the fullest. That’s all I ask for.”

I cursed the world for giving me more time, but I was grateful. You were dying and was still kind enough to wish for me to live… you were too kind. Much too kind for this world. My only hope is that you die with no regrets, I think you’ve accomplished that much.

“I promise, Poppy.”

3!

2!

1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Fire works, pop in the sky…I remember you holding your hand over my nose. You knew it was a lot for me to be out here like this. You knew, me smelling the toxins of the air could cause me to die.

The fireworks were beautiful yet deadly. Soon, you fell over on your chair, tired.

“Happy… new… year…” you whispered out to yourself. “I made it…I made it.”

And with that…you close your eyes…

“Aster?” you said my name. You never said my name and I barely said yours.

“Yes?” I called out placing a hand over yours.

You heaved in…and then out. I waited for your unprecedented words once more.

But this time, you said “Thank you.” and passed away right underneath the stars.

I sat there holding your hands in mine. Your soul, your spirit…was gone. And I knew there would never be another like it.

I let go of your arm…and well, I did the only thing I knew how too. I screamed and passed temporarily. Oh, how I wish you did the same.

Life is precious…Precious things soon lose their meaning in our eyes because that’s how life is. When you have something for so long it begins to lose it value. Sometimes you need something to give it back that meaning, to remind you…that life is a one time thing. Live it out to the fullest, and well…break free.

‹|✿Poppy|16| January 1|2021✿|›

‹16 |2021| 11:59›

❀❀

Its been a year since you passed Poppy. I have never forgotten you…you made me into who I am. You helped me beat the thing that tied me to that hospital. You helped me fight another day. And with that strength, I have lived to see another year.

Poppy…December 29, 2020, you told me you wanted Anemone’s at your grave. It hasn’t been long since I finally figured out what you meant. For the longest of time I never brought those flowers to you because I never understood why…why did you want those flowers at your grave? I brought you Lilies, Daisies, Irises, anything that reminded me of the you, I remember. I never brought you Anemone. Until now.

I realize now that maybe at some point you knew you were going to die. Or maybe you knew that your whole life, which is why you constantly stated you wanted to live. “We always want what we can’t have” is what you told me at one point, it was your favorite quote, maybe unconsciously you started living by it.

I’m at your grave stone today… your name is printed out in deep letters – Poppy Freyja-Evie Potter. “A beautiful old soul…that will live forever.”

“I brought you the flowers you asked for Poppy… I know your not here anymore but..its the least I could do. I’m sorry it took me so long.” I say to the silence its like I can see you smiling.

“I know, you only wanted Anemone’s but…I got you a little something else with it too. I hope that’s okay.” I sigh.

I place the red Anemone’s with Chrysanthemum right on your grave. You wanted Anemone’s cause you died but…I brought you Chrysanthemum’s cause …well… you lived.

And that’s all that matters.

ᴅɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀᴛᴄʜ ᴀʟʟ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʟᴜᴇs? ʟᴇᴛs ɢᴏ ᴏᴠᴇʀ sᴏᴍᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇᴍ.

«Anemone is a flower that is usually associated with death.

Chrysanthemum or for short ‘mums’ is also a flower, is usually associated with fidelity, optimism, joy and life.

Freyja-Evie (Poppy’s middle name) - Freyja is a name given to the lady of love, beauty and death. And Evie is a Hebrew name that means ‘life.’

Poppy is also a flower… that have long been used as a symbol of sleep, peace, and death. (I didn’t even mean for this one to happen ahaha)

Aster (main characters name) is also a flower that means love, wisdom, faith, and color.»

January 06, 2021 05:14

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199 comments

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15:00 Jan 12, 2021

UGOCHI I KNOW WE'RE NOT THE CLOSEST BUT CAN YOU UPVOTE ME A LITTLE?? I'M TRYING TO GET TO THE TOP 10!!!

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16:33 Jan 12, 2021

Oh, look at that your in top 8. Congratulations!!

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16:36 Jan 12, 2021

THANKS YOU YOU DON'T NEED TO UPVOTE ME NOW!!!

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17:37 Jan 12, 2021

I did it anyways right now!!!

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17:43 Jan 12, 2021

Awwwww thanks

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17:43 Jan 12, 2021

Anytime!

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Anna Mosqueda
17:37 Jan 11, 2021

Amazing job Ugochi! I've missed your awesome stories! This one was so heartfelt and I loved all of the little clues that you put throughout the story. We just read "The Chrysanthemums" by John Steinbeck in class so when I saw that I was like Oooh NICE! Haha, anyways, it was nice to see one of your stories again. Also, I've been having some writers block as well so I haven't been writing too much. I'm not sure if I'll write this week but I have a bit of an idea so maybe I will ;)

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00:32 Jan 12, 2021

Hey Anna!! Aw thank youuu! Ouu sounds interesting! Is it good?? Thank youu, I didn't even know so many people were out there missing my stories lol...I thought no one noticed. Everyone has been having writers block, including me! Maybe its the prompts... OU if you do post I'll read it right away!

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Anna Mosqueda
12:44 Jan 12, 2021

No problem! "The Chrysanthemums" was pretty good, it was just hard to enjoy because we had to break it down. Ya know...like in English class haha. Oh yeah! I definitely noticed :)) Yeah maybe it is the prompts, I'm not too sure. But I'm glad to see I wasn't the only one who decided to took a long break haha, I kind felt bad a first but it was nice to have a little break from writing. And yayyy! I'm going to start writing tonight;)

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06:53 Jan 13, 2021

Haha, yeah I get that! Having to breakdown one little sentence is so annoying! Yes, haha no need to feel bad! We all need a break at some point. How was your holidays break?

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Anna Mosqueda
12:44 Jan 13, 2021

Definitely! My holiday was good! We got to go to Ohio and it snowed on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It was really nice because we never get snow where I live so I enjoyed it very much! How was your holiday?

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00:55 Jan 14, 2021

Ahhh reallyy? Snowedd?! Here it was just extremely cold and it had been raining all week but like it didn't rain on Christmas so...no snow. But like everything else was fine! Christmas was enjoyable, loved it! Hows everyone? Last time I talked to you, you said someone in your family had gotten covid right? Are they doing better?

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Maya -
02:31 Jan 09, 2021

I submitted the spirit animal story and you're in it. It's called "Endings and New Beginnings" :D

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00:31 Jan 10, 2021

AHH! Really? Can't wait to read it!

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Maya -
00:45 Jan 10, 2021

Thanks! :)

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N. N.
17:54 Jan 08, 2021

Ugochi, it's been a while, hello! Loved your story a lot, and the title is rather lovely too. It's great how you managed to weave in so many symbolic names, and imagery and deeper meanings especially using flowers. It was really an enjoyable read, although slightly bittersweet. On a sidenote, glad to know you've pulled through the writer's block. Welcome back, I guess. :)

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06:07 Jan 09, 2021

Hey Neha!! Thanks so much Neha!! I'm happy you liked it! Glad to be back, writers block is not something I experience often and it just was not fun!

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N. N.
06:49 Jan 09, 2021

Of course! Haha, well I hope you don't experience it again or at least that if you do, you'd be out of it soon.

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Maya -
17:05 Jan 06, 2021

I'm so glad you finally posted again!!!!!! This story was so beautiful and sad!!! You wrote in the second-person point of view really well, which is rare. It had so much emotion and meaning behind it about life. It's the kind of story that the reader thinks about a long time after they finished reading it. Amazing job!

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23:07 Jan 06, 2021

Thank you so much Maya!!! Can't wait to read your upcoming stories!!

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Maya -
23:12 Jan 06, 2021

Thanks! :D

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13:12 Jan 06, 2021

This story was AWESOME!!! You haven't posted in such a long time and then I get this new story and it is amazing!! I literally almost cried when I read this...this is so sad, and beautiful! How are you????? (By the way, I loved the 2nd person POV. It is hard for me to pull it off, but you do it wonderfully)

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23:06 Jan 06, 2021

Hey Owly! Thank youuuuu so much! Yeah I was acting veryy lazy! And the prompts weren't doing it for me. But yay! I'm glad you liked it! I'm doing good! Better actually, how are you? Thank youu! This is actually the first time I wrote Second point of view without switching it! Thanks for reading!

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13:02 Jan 06, 2021

This was so beautifullll I'm cryinggggggggggggg:( How did you do this??!!?!?! I'm so glad you're backkkk. This was amazing tho, I don't think I've ever been more connected with two characters written in second perspective.

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18:42 Jan 06, 2021

AWW Thank youuu Luna!🤧 This is the first time I ever wrote in Second perspective without switching it back in the middle! So that makes me really happy!

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18:44 Jan 06, 2021

Of course!!! WAIT! That was your FIRST time?!?!?! No way. Thats crazy?!?!

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Radhika Diksha
02:19 Feb 13, 2021

New story out would love your feedback on it.

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Akshaya ✨
09:11 Jan 21, 2021

Hi Ugochi! I really like how you wrote this story in second POV. I've never tried Second POV, and I really do enjoy reading what other authors come up with! I love all the names! The name 'Aster' is actually one of my favourites, and I've used that name a handful of times! Overall, great work! Keep it up! :) To answer your question, I like writing because I love seeing my thoughts take up form as words on paper, and whenever I don't write, I feel out of sorts. Writing is my favourite hobby!

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17:31 Jan 21, 2021

Thank you sooo much Akshaya! Yeah I loveee the name Aster! Thank you for reading! Ouu, thats a beautiful reason to write!! Keep writing too!

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Akshaya ✨
14:59 Jan 22, 2021

Of course!! Thank you! :)

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Maya -
16:51 Jan 20, 2021

I’m doing a science-fiction themed reedsy-cast story and I would like to put you in it if you want. If you want to be in the story, there are just a few questions that I need you to answer. Questions: Alien’s Name (either your name or it could be different): Alien’s size: Alien’s color (can be any color or combination of colors): Alien’s special features (horns, tail, wings, tentacles, fur, scales, fins, etc.): Any other details about their physical appearance: Personality: Alien’s Planet of Origin (can be real or fictional): Any special ab...

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02:04 Jan 21, 2021

Oh yay! Name - Chi~ese Size ~ Normal height normal weight. Aliens color ~ Peach Special Features ~ Wings Any ~ Um just thick hair! Personality~ Hyper and fun Special abilities ~ Flight! and control over water. Mm nothing else! Thanks for including me again!

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Maya -
02:06 Jan 21, 2021

Thanks!!! :) Just to clarify the name has an apostrophe in it, right?

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02:51 Jan 21, 2021

Yes actually I think I want Reign! Sorry can I change it to Reign?

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Maya -
02:58 Jan 21, 2021

Sure! Reign is a cool name! :)

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Sia S
05:25 Jan 19, 2021

NEW ONE OUTT

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18:55 Jan 19, 2021

Yayy! I'll go read it!

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Kate Reynolds
01:50 Jan 18, 2021

Wow.. THIS WAS SO EMOTIONFULLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omg it was so sadddddddddddd I loved the unique way you looked at the prompt, I thought that it was great!!! And the title matches SO perfectly!!! I loved how much thought you put into this, like all the clues and the flowers which have such great meaning!!!!!!!!!

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19:29 Jan 18, 2021

Thank you so muchhh Kate!!! I have always wanted to do something like this so I'm glad it came across nicely!

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Kate Reynolds
20:05 Jan 18, 2021

Nppp!!!!!!!! Well it def did!!!!!!!! :DD

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Radhika Diksha
08:25 Jan 15, 2021

I would suggest you read my story "Be mature". And after reading my message please make a decision whether to support me or not.

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Hiyaaa

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05:59 Jan 15, 2021

Hey!

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Heyloooo! Wow we haven’t talked in so long lol.. what’s up?

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15:57 Jan 15, 2021

Heyy! I mean sometimes I try to comment but like you don't respond lol😂. Nothing much!! Life is calming. How about you?

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Yikes, yeah, often I’ll see comments, read them, but totally forgot to respond 🥲😂😌 Cool lol! Oh, y’know, just chillin and waiting for the new prompts to come out.

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16:06 Jan 15, 2021

Happens to me alll the TiME Ohhh today is friday..haha completely forgot! How are you enjoying Reedsy so far? I feel like a lot is happening!

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Danny -
03:34 Jan 14, 2021

Why haven't I read your stories beforee??? These are all beautifullyyy written

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06:56 Jan 14, 2021

Oh you know me, just hiding in the shadows waiting to be noticed😂😂. Thank you soooo much Danny!!

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Danny -
07:04 Jan 14, 2021

HAHAHAHAHHAAHA IM SORRYYYYYY FOR TAKING THIS LOOONNGGG

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Wow Ugochi! This was so sad and touching story, really wonderful work you have here. The flower ideas were a amazing touch to the whole thing, really wonderful!!! Also do u mind checking out my latest stories? Thx

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02:12 Jan 12, 2021

Heyyy Varsha! Thank you so much! And sure!!

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Of course! Thank you!

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Sia S
09:30 Feb 17, 2021

Bye Snow. Thanks so much for the nicknames and constant help :)

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14:56 Feb 17, 2021

WHAAATTT whyyyyy are you leaving????!!!

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Sia S
15:08 Feb 17, 2021

Ugh, too much stuff.

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15:13 Feb 17, 2021

Well I just read through some of your comments...Radhika and Edward and more. I can see why your leaving. I would leave too if I was treated like that. I'm sorry, I didn't even know those things were happening. I know you said you're leaving permanently but maybe one day I hope you'll come back?

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Sia S
16:28 Feb 17, 2021

Aw thanks so much :) maybe, I'm indecisive luke that ;)

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17:56 Feb 17, 2021

Yeahh well, Bye Sia🥺. Text me on pinterest one day, kay? Keep writing!

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Sia S
05:39 Feb 10, 2021

Hi Snowwwwwwwwww !! Ahhh I'm so excitedddd !! Okayyy! Sooooo *squeals in excitement lmao* I'm doing a reedsy fanfic thing!! Sooo please mention all these categories (if your fine with you being in it) Name: Hair colour (could be anything) : Eye Colour: Power: (im water) Secret Weakness: A secret about your character: How do you want your character to be? Like yourself? : Outfit: Weapon (if any) (im sword): Lemme know quick!!

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06:56 Feb 11, 2021

Hey Sia!! AHH okay! Of course I wanna be in it- Name - Reign Eye color - Gray Power - Manipulation of Air. Secret Weakness - Fire or heat. A secret about your character - The princess from a destroyed kingdom. She was actually very spoiled before but after watching her family die she escaped with help from her brother..who unfortunately didn't make it either. How do you want your character to be - Serious, or mysterious but also trying to heal, but very independent. Outfit - Boots with leggings and a long sorta shirt that reaches her knees...

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Sia S
08:33 Feb 11, 2021

Heyyy!! Hiyaaaa! Wow! Snow that's so cool ! Sure! Of course! :( <3

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Sia S
04:55 Feb 12, 2021

It's out! I'm sorry if The character doesn't match your personality...

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05:56 Feb 12, 2021

Yayyy! I'll go read it! Sooon!

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Sia S
05:59 Feb 12, 2021

:D

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Sia S
05:20 Feb 02, 2021

I got a new story out!!

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Sia S
09:02 Jan 13, 2021

Check my bio?

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00:43 Jan 14, 2021

You look sooo cute!! And also did you get a hair cut or was it always like that?

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Sia S
02:59 Jan 14, 2021

Thankssssssx!! Yeah I got one a while backkkkkk!

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