Postmortem Animation

“Don’t blow this for me, kid.”

“Yeah- whatever, Stevie. You’re only here to make sure I don’t slip a disc from carrying this team.”

“You better get in there before I cut this wire right now, Diaps.”

“You better shut your mouth before I loot this thing solo.”

“Yeah, like you’d even know what to do without me holding your wittle hand all the way through.”

“I feel like I shouldn’t need to remind you gentlemen, but we are on a VERY strict time constraint here, and if we don’t have the samples back to the IUF by the next rotation, its all of our asses getting torched into the Sepono System.”

“Jesus, kid, you made the Major mad. Now we’re all screwed.”

“Just… please get the job done, yeah? I don’t want a repeat of your infamous Juno run.”

“Okay, first of all, that was Stevie’s fault! I did my part of the jo-”

“Shut up, kid- yes sir, we will get the job done. Pardon my brother’s temperament, he’s… new to the force and doesn’t fully grasp the concept of a chain of command.”

“I trust that this will be the last time any such incident occurs. Return to the drop location in five base-hours. I will have a craft awaiting your arrival.”

“Copy that. Damion is in the hull of the wreck; I will be joining him shortly.”

“Oh, and gentlemen?”

“Yes, Major Thomas?”

“Good luck. This particular species is uncharted; postmortem animation is uncertain, but I am optimistic. Keep an eye out for movem-”

“Major?”

"Major!"

“Relax, Diaps. Our comms aren’t an Ansible.”

“Ok. So. Now what, Steve? What did he mean by postmorum animation?”

“Postmortem, kid.”

“Ok. What does it mean?”

“After death.”

“After death?!”

“That is what I said, isn’t it?”

“After death animation… as in… moving… after they’re already dead?!”

“Wow look at you! Jesus, it amazes me how you even passed your tier one examination.”

“That’s not even possible, Stevie!”

“Not for us, no. But like the major said, this species is uncharted. Why do you think we’re collecting samples?”

“Well… to see what kind of technology they developed!”

“What the he- no, kid. Look around you. You think the Federation would bother with collecting samples of technology from this piece of junk?”

“I think it’s kind of cool…”

“The metal sheathed panels lining the sides. The semi-reflective window at the bridge. Not to mention the porous base boards you’re standing on. This thing may be in the crater of a beautiful moon, but it is mighty ugly.”

“It’s… purple…”

“Oh, never mind everyone. Damian thinks the craft is cool because it’s purple, so instead of bringing back your revolutionary organic samples, we decided it would be best to bring back this here purple control arm with its complimentary purple command chair.”

“They don’t brief me on our missions like they do you, Stevie! How am I supposed to know what we’re doing here when all they told me was, ‘hey Damian, you’re going with your brother to collect samples from an alien wreck. He knows the rest, just don’t get in his way’!”

“And what are you doing right now?”

“I’m asking you what we’re really doing here!”

“Nope. You’re getting in my way.”

“So, you’re not gonna tell- wait. Steve what is that?”

“What we came here for.”

“Steve stop. What are you doing? Get away from it! Major Thomas-”

“Major Thomas knew the job description. You don’t. Now shut up and hand me my scalpel.”

“Stevie…”

“Do it, kid. You wanna get us both a one way ticket to the Sepono System? Or even worse the Periculo System?”

“I don’t know… they seem kinda nice…”

“Kid, those are the places no one ever comes back from. So, unless you’re planning on never seeing our birthmother again, I’d suggest you give me that scalpel.”

“What are you gonna take from it?”

“You know what? No. I’m not gonna take anything from it.”

“What do you-”

“Well, Diaps, do you know why you come on these little missions with me? Do you know why, even after Juno, I still make it a point to have you be my sole partner on these little adventures that I’m tasked with?”

“Because the IUF requires I be here alongside you…”

“Damian, the IUF could give a rat’s ass about you coming along with me or not.”

“Well, the Major needs me to be here with-”

“No, kid. You’re here because I stick my neck out for you at every one of those goddamn board meetings. Because I will not have a bum ass brother failing his screenings and never being taken out into the field. You’re here because I’m a good scavenger. And a hell-of-a good soldier.”

“Okay, so am I...”

“You’re not even close to where I am. But what you are here to do is learn how to replace me, because as soon as the Periculo System has had enough of the Intragalactic Unification Federation’s bullshit, they’ll task me with constructing war efforts and strategy design. Damian. You’re gifted, but you’re not me. I’m not stroking my ego for the hell of it; I’m serious. By the looks of it, there will be an attack. A big one. Soon. And if you’re still shitting the bed on your screenings and exams, the IUF will throw you out. I can’t have that.”

“I’m fourteen, Stevie…”

“Yes. At your age, those who are denied whitelist and deemed ‘untrainable’ get thrown into unpopulated, habitable planets for population and colonization.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.”

“Until you die of disease. Or starve to death because of crop death due to unpredictable weather patterns. Damian, when you get thrown out to a planet like that, no one ever comes back for you. Its all a sick joke of an experiment. They let nature take its course on the artificial injection of life onto unprepared worlds.”

“Okay. Okay."

"Ready?"

"Yes, Stevie, what do I do?”

“Well. Start by cutting open his facial cavity. See if we can extract a brain… of sorts.”

“Okay. But. Why would the IUF be interested in this species if they’re about to go to freaking war, Stevie?”

“Well, it’s like the Major said…”

“AGGGGGHHHHHH!”

“Postmortem animation.”