The Crack

Being home alone is the worst, especially when you are stuck there for days on end not knowing when you will ever be let out again. At first it’s fun, getting to relax like that, but after a while you just want to get back to your old life. Being confined into the small space of your walls that just seem to close in on you a little more each day feels like a psychotic break just waiting to happen. One day those cracks in the walls and the creaking of the floors will become too big and you’ll just jump in, preparing to fall into whatever world lies inside. 

When you’ve jumped in, you may find that the world you once knew has disappeared and been replaced with some sort of alternate reality. The lights are brighter, the walls are fixed, and suddenly you’re not alone. You seem to be staring at yourself, but you’re not looking in a mirror. You are facing an overweight, greasy haired, slightly older version stuffing their face with everything they see in their kitchen. It’s like that nightmare you had where you wake up one day and realize that you’ve made all the wrong choices in life and it seems to be too late to fix it.

“Hello.” You call out to yourself. 

“Hi. I’ve been expecting you. I made you some chicken stir fry and chocolate chip cookies.” Your clone seems very excited by your arrival.

“Oh. Thank you. Where am I and how did you know I was coming?”

“You’re in the future. I’m you, if you hadn’t figured that out already. Once the world shut down, it was only a matter of time until you started to look for some escape from your own world. We’re much too claustrophobic for that tiny apartment.” They sit you down at the table and place a plate of food in front of you. 

“No offense, but why do we look like a mess in the future?” You ask, taking a bite of the stir fry.

“Well, after our last relationship ended, there wasn’t really a need to take as much care of ourselves. We didn’t have anyone we needed to look good for.”

“What about looking good for us? It’s important to stay healthy.”

“You don’t seem to care about that much in your present life. I wouldn’t know all kinds of recipes off the top of my head if you weren’t learning how to cook and bake right now.”

“I promise, as soon as the world goes back to normal, I’ll be healthier. And when it gets warmer out I’ll go for walks.”

“Come on, you’ve been telling us that for so long. When are you going to realize that we can’t do it? We’re not meant to be super thin or have perfect skin or toned muscles or any of that stuff. We’re meant to be average and the sooner you accept that, the better.”

“But I don’t want to turn into you!” You jump out of your chair, furious with your future self for thinking this way. “If I don’t take care of myself, I’ll never get into another relationship or get back together with whoever I was with before. And who knows what kind of health problems we’ll develop if we keep up with this destructive behavior.”

“You think cooking and baking are destructive behaviors? We never went to college so we never learned those important skills that will get us good jobs when the world opens again. We have to teach ourselves these things and work twice as hard to get where the rest of the college graduates are already.”

“So what are you doing with these skills that we now know?” You ask, pushing to get to the hard truth.

“Nothing yet, but someday I’d like to open a restaurant. I think it would be a lot of fun.”

“You want to open a restaurant? When did we decide this? Before or after wanting to be a writer? How about wanting to be an Imagineer? Or a graphic designer? How long have we even been cooking?” You’re so mad at your future self, you’re pacing back and forth in the small apartment trying to tire yourself out some.

“We decided to open a restaurant when we got put on disability and never had to work again. It’s been about six years now.” They say, clearing your empty plate from the table and putting it in the kitchen. 

“It’s been six years and we’ve made no move toward actually accomplishing our goal? We never used to be like this. We used to love going out and doing as much as we possibly could with our lives. What happened to that?” You’ve finally calmed down enough to sit back in your chair, reaching for a cookie.

“We fell in love… our dreams changed when we realized they’d be accomplished alone instead of as a team, and we were much too in love to think about doing anything without them by our side.”

“So what happened? Why aren’t we with them anymore?”

“We cheated.”

“Of course we did. How long into the relationship?”

“Three years. We made it a lot longer than I thought we would.”

“What happened to the person we cheated with?”

“They decided they didn’t really like us that way.”

“So, they used us?”

“They always do, don’t they? Some things never change.”

“Oh well. I guess I’m going to start making some changes in my world so that when I get to be your age, I won’t be in the position you’re in.”

“Maybe I should start getting myself together as well. A gym membership could be a good start. And once you leave, I’m going to take a shower, clean the dirt off my body. And some of the shame.”

“Don’t be ashamed, it won’t get you anywhere. Just start getting your act together and soon enough we’ll be living a really good life. By the way, those were really good cookies. Seems we perfected the recipe.”

“Thanks. I’m glad you came.”

“I’m glad I came too. Maybe I’ll be back some time. But for now, I’m going back home to make our lives better. So long.”

“Bye.”

When you return from the most unexpected trip of your life, you realize that you can’t drive yourself crazy just because your apartment is a little small. You walk into your kitchen and throw away every sugary or carb-filled food that you have and start to prepare a salad for yourself. It may be something small, but it’s a wonderful first step in creating a better future for yourself and the world around you.