Logan and the Zombie Killers

     Logan and the Zombie Killers

Logan ran as fast as he could without looking over his shoulder. The fence was maybe five hundred feet away. He could hear them and feel their disease and vacant stares. They were supposed to be slow, but these zombies had adjusted their speed and were moving too quickly.

His plan was simple: he was going to hop the fence, something the zombies weren’t able to do and then go from there.

It would have worked out perfectly except for the two hundred zombies that appeared standing right in front of the fence. Suddenly, he was stuck in between two groups with little room to maneuver. 

“I am going to be a zombie sandwich.”

He looked out and recognized some of the kids he had gone to school with. There was also Mrs. Garcia, he used to cut her grass back in the day before all of this nonsense started. There was Ms. Kendrick the math teacher that he loathed, although he thought she was pretty hot.

He stopped running and just stood there not sure what to do. There was one bullet in his gun and that was not going to take out hundreds of zombies.

Okay, think, there has to be a way out of this mess.  

They were closing in on him and it was now or never.  

Suddenly, there was a loud explosion as zombies flew each and every way; there were body parts everywhere. None of the blood or guts landed on him.  What it did do was create a gap and he rushed through it with half-blown up zombies trying to catch him.

He managed to escape for the moment and then he looked back trying to figure out where the explosion came from and he almost died of embarrassment.

Chatty Patty and Mean Meghan stood there with some type of crazy, homemade weapon. You see, back in the day before the apocalypse, Logan was dating Chatty Patty, but her incessant chatter drove the poor guy nuts. And, well, he turned out to be a real dog, because while he was going out with CP, he cheated on her with Mean Meghan.  

They found out and instead of fighting each other, they took out their anger and frustration on him. Okay, so that wasn’t the greatest of moves on his part, but what happened, happened. It was water under the bridge considering how the world had been turned upside down about three days after the girls discovered the lying and two-timing deceit.  

“If it isn’t love ‘em and leave ‘em Logan.”

“Sugar Lips Logan.”

“Logan, the home run hitter.”

“Love me two times and some other girl, Logan.”

“Okay, that is enough.”

“We saved your ass again.”

“And he doesn’t even thank us.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you gorgeous Patty and gorgeous Meaghan.”

“No way, I’m saying that.”

“Then when the zombies come after you again don’t look for us to save your scrawny ass.”

“Yeah, do not expect us to wipe the snot from your nose and the crop from your scrawny ass.”

“That’s gross.”

“Oh, look here they come again.”

Logan turned around and indeed the zombies had regrouped and were moving very quickly toward him.

“Okay, look, we need to stick together to help each other out and-

“What are you going to do for us?”

“Its not as if we can trust you.”

“Good one, Patty because we all know you are super right.”

“He’s as loyal as a Benedict Arnold.”

“You realize that we could wipe them out in one swift move?”

“What do you want?”

“What do we want? Well, we haven’t had a real good laugh since all of this nonsense started so how about you drop your pants?”

Patty burst out laughing and the two girls hung on each other because they were so weak from laughter.

“Yeah, that’s real funny, girls, but when you were playing with it there was no laughter just awe.”

They laughed even harder.

“I’m outta here.”

“Where you gonna go big boy?”

Meghan laughed hard.

“Anywhere but where you two are at.”

“Ah, do not go away mad, Logan.”

“Yeah, do not go away mad.”

“I’m not mad, but right now I am trying to stay alive and that takes all of my concentration and energy. I just don’t have the juice to deal with you two ‘ladies’.”

“We promise we’ll play nice.”

“Yeah, promise cross our hearts and hope to die if you catch us in a lie.”

“Yeah, that’s super cute, real super cute, Meghan.”

“I thought so. Didn’t you think so, Patty?”

“Absolutely, I thought it was very clever.”

“You know, since we both have experience with you in a sexual manner, we were thinking of a threesome.”

“Yeah, right, don’t think that is going to happen.”

“Why not?”

“Can’t handle both of us at once?”

“I have no interest in any type of relation with either one of you. What happened between us is like water under the bridge, ancient history and all of that.”

“Meghan, I think he is saying that he doesn’t want anything to do with us. Can you believe that?”

“No, I can’t.”

“Neither can I especially after we saved his ass.”

“Yeah, he would be Zombie chow right now.”

“Okay, if that’s the way you want it then fine.”

“Let’s go. Good luck, genius you don’t even have a weapon.”

And just like that they left.

Logan stood there and smiled.

“Maybe that wasn’t the brightest move, but I just don’t trust those two.”

He ran back to the barn that he was staying in. When he got there, he had company.

“Oh, you have to be kidding me.”

“Hi, Loggie baby, how are you?”

“I am not Loggie baby and how did you get in here?”

“It isn’t hard. This place couldn’t keep out a strong wind. Hey, sister, where to you live?”

“Why, I live in a condo with hot water and heat and a great view of the ravaged city. There are posted guards outside and a force field around the building on top of that so we don’t have to worry about zombie attacks.”

“That sounds like a charming place.”

“Oh, it is very charming. And you know the coolest part about the whole place is that there is a spare bedroom.”

“There is and is there a nice comfortable bed in it?”

“There sure is, sister. It has to be the most comfortable bed on the planet.”

“Too bad someone is so stupid they won’t take advantage of it.”

“That is what I am saying.”

“Oh well, let’s go and have a glass of wine and some cheese.”

“Okay. I feel a nip in the air. Maybe we can put on the fireplace?”

“That is an excellent idea. You probably feel a nip in the air because it is really draughty in this old barn.”

“You do have a point, sister.”

“Bye, loser.”

“Later, Logan, sleep tight and don’t let the zombies bite.”

“Good one, sister.”

They leave.

Stupid girls.

He rushed out.

“Wait, I’ve changed my mind.”

“Is that offer still on?”

“It might be but I think the price just went up.”

“Oh definitely went up for sure.”

“Can we just cut out the sarcastic stuff for once?”

“Okay, Logan we have been riding you pretty hard.”

So they walked toward the condo and there wasn’t a zombie in sight.

“Do you girls really have wine?”

“We do. And we also have beer and pizza.”

“I think I’m going to like this place.”

“We sure you will.”

They giggled and entered the condo.