Comet's white light

Pure white light.

Around me there were beings of all shapes and sizes, in stasis. Looking at themselves and their ephemeral bodies. All of them made of a slightly opaquer light. It was a sight no one on Earth could ever behold, and yet it feels like we were all here before.

It was like the air was pure emotion. You breathed in the warm love, the suffocating suffering, the crisp anger. I looked closer. It was a place where white was not so white after all. I focused on a being right in front of me, must have been within my reach. You could see all the colors of the rainbow in that white, almost like puddles of gasoline. I wondered if those were what we called auras on Earth, or if it was simply an illusion.

Suddenly, waves and waves of suffering came before me as I focused on the face of the being in front of me. It was like he was materializing before my eyes. Not that I could have told who he was just by looking at him, it was like no one here had any distinctive features. But my soul knew, and my soul shaped together the face that was still so familiar to me.

His bright green eyes were now shining with every color and every emotion. The air was warm around us and I felt pulled to him like I felt pulled to the center of the Earth just a little while ago. He looked at me with dismay and I looked at him with despair.

              “I did it again” a voice resonated.

My eyes were stinging, which was pretty strange considering I barely even had a form. The feeling of defeat was overwhelming. I wanted to shout, to kick, to kiss him. This was not a place for ego. He could see directly into my soul and I, into his. This was a place where no one was hiding. I should have shed a tear in relief for that. That is one thing I don’t like about Earth.

              “I lost again” I thought.

The air was thick around us. He glimmered blue and green as he moved towards me. I don’t know how long we’ve been doing this for. There were lives in which we passed each other by, there were lives when we never said “I love you” and there were lives when …

We were standing just a few inches apart. All I wanted was to touch him, but how can I prepare myself for what is to come? He looked into my eyes with, strangely, the same goofy expression he’s always had. I was not ready and he knew it. He hovered over me, waiting.

              “I went to sleep every night hoping to be loved.”

A wave of suffering ran me through. His head down, almost touching my shoulder. It was moments like these, when I could feel his love surround me, that were breaking me apart.

“It’s getting worse and worse each time” he thought. “I have no right to show you, no right to be here” he said as he was pulling away.

It was oddly funny to hear him say that. I gravitated towards him, towards his face. I wanted to know. And I wanted him to know that I loved him, that I forgave him. That I knew he was human, just like me. A little selfish part of me wanted him to feel what I felt.

I leaned in. The warm air around us was blocking off anything else. As I moved closer and closer to his face, looking deeply into his eyes, I could see the love he had for me. Oh, how sure I was it was the end. But this was a love he’s had forever, a warmth that I get to float in only when we’re here. Where we know everything. Everything that’s ever happened.

However, we only know because we chose to do so. I stopped right before touching his lips: two beings of light, shining with every color of the universe. The astral equivalent of your heart beating out of your chest.

              “We could just stay like this forever” he resonated.

              “And never touch you again?” I said.

With that conviction I leaned in. There is no word in this world to describe what it feels like when you touch someone’s soul.

Everything went dark and exploded into a supernova. A memory kaleidoscope opened up before me and I lived through everything that he did this time. I lived through him meeting me, I lived through what he loved and what he hated about me. I lived through what pulled us together, and I lived through what broke us apart.

I barely even felt myself in this, but I could have sworn that tears were running down my face. I was deeply abandoned in what his life was, in his skinny love for me. I even drowned myself in the love he had for her. I felt pushed and pulled by the rollercoaster of a human life. How misguided we all are when we can only remember one life at a time. How cruel it is when we can never finish what we start.

***

I don’t know how much time had passed. Might have been decades, could have been seconds. I felt his warmth surround me as we were slowly coming to. Everything was quiet, but I felt his mind reaching mine. This was our moment of clarity when we get to love freely, uninterrupted. You don’t know of how much love the human soul is capable of. Pretense kills most of it on Earth.

Shining in reds and purples, he whispered on a deep frequency wave all his love and all his pain. This is our curse, you see. My heart connected to his, but regardless, we’re always born blind to the matter. Fated to meet and hold each other, but never to know how much that meant for us. Fated for me to suspect our connection and for him not to believe in fate.

              “Next time I am not letting you go”.

I felt a wave of sadness and hope from him. A strange case of mixed emotions of respect and surprise. I felt his devotion and allegiance. I felt his warship and his penitence.

              “I can’t promise you happiness” he whispered, “but I sure as hell wish I could”.

Slowly, the dome we created so tightly with our love started to dissipate and we could once again see other silhouettes, wandering and feeling everything around us. I took his hand, which sent waves of electrical impulses through me.

As we were preparing to go back to that cold, perplexing, magical and hectic world, I took one last look at him.

              “This might be our last chance” he said as he looked at me with a serious color. “We don’t know how much time there is left”.

***

21^st of November 2065

Dear diary,

I had the weirdest dream last night. I can’t remember much, but as I sit here drinking my coffee in my small apartment, I am left wondering. I always thought dreams could be memories of past lives. Perhaps I am just looking for meaning in a meaningless world. Regardless, how can someone blame me for choosing to believe in something that soothes my soul? Even if it is this foolish.

Anyway, tonight my friends are coming over. There is nothing I love more than gathering on the couch, playing games and talking about the Universe. They did ask me if I wanted to do something else for my birthday, but honestly, I want nothing more than to pick their brains about my dream. Maybe talking about it will help me remember more of it.

As I sit here, rain gently tapping on my window, I have the weirdest feeling of being loved, even though last night I went to sleep alone again. Strangely, I can’t wait for the night, for the moon to rise. I don’t know if I ever wrote about this, but the night I was born, they say a comet almost hit Earth. It changed course in the last possible moment. Scientists say it was nothing natural about it.

My mother always said that the comet saw me, got scared and turned away. You don’t have to guess why my mother named me Comet. Every year on my birthday I remember this story to bring forth the gratitude I have for getting to live in an era when Earth’s time almost ran out.

For this year, I want to be kinder, live more and love thoroughly. I don’t want to miss anything. Even if I have the strange feeling that what I love most is not on this Earth. Perhaps that is why I turn my attention to the stars.

Now I have to go.

With love,

Comet.