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American Urban Fantasy Funny

I knew this day would be my favourite, the minute the church bells rang. It was 6 am. My first words of the day would’ve made a sailor proud, mostly after some spark scared the shit out of me. Maybe I was paying for my atheism because the church bells caused my hands to wildly slash and knock over my unnecessary glass of water (I knew I shouldn’t have that next to my bed). The 2 decilitres of water splashing onto the plug, frying the whole electric system of the block.

“Just wonderful.” I didn’t dare call the landlord this early. I instead instinctively went and took a shower, I even washed my hair, only to realise that my hairdryer didn’t work. I tried my best with my towel and hoped the summer air will be advantageous for once.

“Effing electricity. Fucking water. Fucking church bells…” I murmured as I stopped my furious pushing of the buttons on the coffee machines. Great, just great. I couldn’t start my day without coffee, and the 6 am wake-up call did not help my alertness.

“LocaMoccha it is,” I said as I dressed up, walked out the door, and dragged myself to the closest coffee shop. I was shocked how many people there were, for crying out it was 7 am, no man should be awake at this time! I ordered after waiting in line for enough time to get me frustrated and snap at the barista. I didn’t even want to apologize, but my strict upbringing forced a ‘Sorry.’ out of me.

“Alex?” Just what I needed.

“Hi! How are you?”

“Great, it’s been such a long time.” Yeah, thanks to my meticulous planning.

“Hmmm, sure has.” Sadly, not long enough. “What have you been up to?”

“Nothin’ much, got this awesome job at a law firm, it’s really tiring but quite rewarding. It also looks great on my resume. You? Got a job yet?”

“Yes, I’m working at this advertising agency, it’s not that hard, but it’s work experience.” Technically I was only an intern, but no one needs to know that, let alone him.

“How’s the boyfriend?”

“We broke up.”

“Oww, that’s too bad, he seemed like a great guy, but I guess he wasn’t the one. You shouldn’t settle until you know they’re the one, like me and Sam. Did you know we got married after ten months?” Yes, I knew. Everyone he ever talked to, knew, it wasn’t something he kept secret, almost as if he was proud of it.

“Really? That’s nice, how are they?”

“Great, we’re thinking of adopting. We agreed it’s the right time, I have a steady job so does Sam, we make enough to feed more mouths…” He sighed, having that douche-y smile on his face. I just wanted to punch him. He had so little self-awareness! How could he be so ignorant? Can’t he see I’m not in the mood to listen to his bragging?! I’m never in that mood, but now I was the furthest I’ve ever been.

“I have a bus to get to, see ya.” I said before he could start to boast again. I thought it was a lie until I looked at my watch. It’s almost 8. I had to walk fast, the bus stop was quite far.

I was running by the end, hoping beyond hope the bus would be late. Just a little bit more, I urged myself. As I rounded the corner I saw the back of my bus. Another string of swearing left my mouth, followed by a mother chastising me as she and her kids walked by. I hate buses. I hate freaking Adam. I’ve been awake for two hours and I already feel like going back to bed, this day will never end. I sat down at the stop, waiting for the minutes that seemed the fly just moments ago to slowly trickle away.

After half an hour the next bus came, I made a scene by accidentally let loose all my change on the bus. I picked up as many of the coins as I could, the rest were collateral damage. I thought finally I could get a break, but the universe had a different idea. The bus was packed, as in air was scarce, scents were suffocating and people were uncomfortable. Just what I needed. At least I can’t fall, right? Nope. I managed to knock down a row of people, like dominos before we even reached the next stop. My clumsiness was determined as dangerous, so I got a seat, some poor kid was pushed out of his seat so that I could cause less damage.

I got into work. I finally made it! Who’s the first person to see me like this, sweaty, groggy and messy-haired? My cute boss.

“Uhm, Alex? What happened?”

“Church bells.”

“Okay. You’re late. You know that as an intern you must perform above all others to get a job, right? This kind of unpunctuality will reflect badly.”

“I’m sorry. This isn’t my day.”

“It’s okay, just be on time tomorrow.”

“Sure will, bossman.” Did I just call him bossman? I felt my face burn, I don’t blush easily or in a noticeable way, so at least he couldn’t see how embarrassed I was. He walked away, turning back looking quizzically at me as if I could explain my actions. 

"Wow, darling, that was baaad." I heard Chris remark, popping up from the desk.

"I know...Ugh, you won't believe how horrid my morning's been. It's like all the things that could go wrong, do exactly that!"

"Did you bring it?"

"Shoot! Of course, I didn't, I'm sorry, I just...I'll bring it tomorrow, promise."

"Sure, sure. I mean it is more dangerous if you keep it, so it's on you if you get discovered."

"Thanks." Nonetheless, Chris was right. I had to get that freaking paper to him. If anyone knew I had it in my home... I would probably be executed or worse...

June 25, 2021 17:42

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2 comments

Stephen Toochi
16:28 Jul 03, 2021

This is hilariously beautiful. The witty conversation, transition of thoughts and of action were spot on. Truly depicts the theme. Weldone Duck Lucy. Cheers!

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Duck Lucy
09:04 Jul 05, 2021

Thank you for reading it! :)

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